Oats Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 So I'm 9 months separated from my wife of 4 years. We haven't spoken in 9 months and our divorce is due to be final in a few weeks. Ive processed many emotions over the past 9 months to the point where I have realised that I haven't actually achieved anything new in that time - ive gotten into this routine of going to work, coming home and thinking about how to process my emotions and so on and so forth... now im nine months on and feel as though ive wasted my time?! I want to get out and make my life better and get back into dating but I just don't know where to start. I've looked at singles groups in my area and they really don't look appealing as the majority of the people on there are much older, online dating has a whole bunch of horror stories associated with it! Does anyone have any similar stories of feeling totally bewildered having come out of a partnership and not knowing how to get a life back and meet more people, what advice/success stories do you have?
GuyInLimbo Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 One of my favorite resources about dating has been Divorce Advice, Legal Tips and Celebrity Splits - HuffPost Divorce Also, I wouldn't worry so much about dating. Just get your butt out of the house. Take some classes. Go to the gym. Find yourself first.
hayewils Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Hey there, Similar story, only 3 months in separation from wife of 4 years. 6 years together. I have been thinking a lot of my future, what do I do and where do I go from here.. Pretty depressing loosing your best friend. Anyway, I looked at dating sites just out of curiosity and found that I have zero interest in it and don't see myself even messing with them when Im 9 months in. I did hook up with a support group at church, but its only Tuesday evenings. Besides that, my work schedule and the distance I have to travel back and forth from work make it pretty difficult for me to really get involved to much with anything else, but I am going to make it a habit that Tuesdays I have to leave work early. I am looking for other things to get involved with, but look into church groups. Some churches, especially the big ones offer a lot of different things to involve yourself with and you can meet people. That would probably be better than dating sites. Atleast with a church group, you can meet people and develop a friendship without guessing if the person you met online is really that person, and not someone who put up a picture that is 20 years old and when they were 50 pounds lighter..
orionboxing Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Does anyone have any similar stories of feeling totally bewildered having come out of a partnership and not knowing how to get a life back and meet more people, what advice/success stories do you have? I would advise you to stay away from online dating for many reasons. I have a friend who has done it and he found most the woman he landed dates with to be rather unstable. He relayed a story to me about a pretty girl he met literally dating a new guy every night and getting all of her dinners paid for. Online dating favors women. If you are remotely attractive, you can get literally 25 messages per day from some pretty desperate guys. One site revealed that it took 50 introduction messages to get a single date. That's a lot of work for a night with a girl you don't even know. I would also worry about contacting STD's. Say you get a date, get lucky that night, she goes on another date the next night, gets lucky and catches something, and gets another date with you and gives you an STD. No real accountability because you were never committed to her. OK, I'm rambling. Your best bet for after the divorce is to hide, grieve in the way you want, and stay single for a while. Quick rebound relationships never end well. Get some new hobbies, and take some trips. When you aren't longing for your ex anymore...you could be ready to get out there. Don't settle for the first woman that crosses you path. Do some searching for what you really want out of partner. Divorce is really hard...hang in there.
2.50 a gallon Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Can you dance? Learn! Take country swing or salsa lessons, that really looks hot. When my Ex and I separated, in order to keep busy I bought a Gourmet recipe book and began to teach myself how to cook some classy dishes. I am now retired, until I turned 60 I was always an apartment dweller. So I soon had neighbors willing to try my latest concoction. Even in my 50's I was able to pick up 30 somethings at the pool. I gave it up when I met my current lady. She is a hot looking grandma with an hour glass figure, but has been exclusive with me for over 17 years. One of the reasons is my cooking. In my youth I was a pussy hound, found it useful to be friendly with all the good looking check out girls. Every once in awhile I would be out with friends and run across one of them out with friends. I met my ex fiancé at a sporting goods store, have dated my bank teller, doctors nurse, grocery store clerks, a gal I met at the photo desk at a drug store, my current lady I met at a convience store on the way home from work one night. Be friendly, be a fun guy, be different, take them on a nature hike to take photos, take them fishing, to the race track, picnics and even kit flying. Adopt the attitude of loving life and living it. And "If you don't want to have fun with me I will find somebody who does."
2.50 a gallon Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 "Quick rebound relationships never end well" "Don't settle for the first woman to cross your path. . . " This could be one of the stupidest things I ever did. About two months after my Ex and I separated one of my co-workers decided to divorce her H. She was determined to break her marriage vows with somebody and chose me to be her first. Two months later both of us were starting to develop some feelings for each other. She let it slip that she thought that I would be a great father and even though we had so much in common I took the above advice and broke off the relationship. Two years later I find out that she still had not found anyone special. The most she would date a guy was three time and she was done. Her best friend confided in me that she was looking for another guy like me. But, there was no chance for us to reconnect as she no longer trusted me. We never know when the next possible partner will come into our lives. For me it was another 15 years before I met that special someone. I always wanted to have kids, but by that time it was too late as I was already nearing 50. That special someone turned out to be a long legged, divorced 40 year old who had been living with her live in boyfriend for almost 5 years. It took over a year of waiting, but he finally made a mistake, and they temporarily broke up while he left the state to get cleaned up on drugs. They had been only separated for a month when we went out for the first time, I was clearly her rebound. In four months we will be coming on our 18 year anniversary. And still very much in love. Never say Never.
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