dpm Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 I need some advice 4 years ago I divorced. I became very good friends with a co-coworker who was having her own marital problems. We became very good friends and supported each other. Her problems went back several years and were brought about mainly because her husband could not have children. There were several other problems but that was the big one. Eventually they separated and we became even closer. We both realized how more there should be in a marriage then we had experienced. We feel deeply in love and talked about our future and dreams. We could not wait to be together forever. I know it is wrong but we got involved before she was divorced. Well its been over 3 years know and she is not divorced and he has moved back in. He said it was just as much his house as hers. They sleep in different rooms, do very little together, they are living to gether but separated. Over the past several months she has joined a bible study group and it has hurt our relationship very badly. She feels very guilty in what has happened and it taking all the blame. The bible says you should not divorce and it is making her feel like she doesn't have an option but to stay where she is. I don't know how to deal with this because religion is a hard spot. I have told her, and I believe it, that God brought us together and was giving us a second chance to live our dreams together. That is why you did not have any children. Well she recently told me she does't know if she can continue to live the way she is. (Our relationship is secret to most) The easiest way out is to let me go and nothing will have to change or at least be a visible change. This has about torn my heart out. I know she loves me dearly and wants to be with me but the bible class has confused her. What do I tell her?
Merin Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 You've been involved with this woman for 3 years and she STILL isn't divorced? Now fast forward, and her husband has moved back in... It seems to me she is "picking and choosing" what she wants to pratice and preach in the Bible to make everything she did and continues to do justified and okay for her. What should you tell her... Goodbye and Good Luck. I'm sorry... but for real she has been involved in a extra marital relationship with you for 3 years.. and NOW she has decided it's all wrong because her hubby is back home.. I don't think so. Don't waste anymore time here. Sorry.
Quilly Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 I agree with Merin2... it would seem she decided long ago not to make the necessary changes in her life to be with you. Some people are too scared to give up what security they do have no matter how much they love someone. It hurts like hell... but the sooner you accept her decision and move on, the sooner the hurting will stop. She does care for you and that is why she is finding it difficult to tell you once and for all that it is over. Religion or no religion, she's made her choice and you unfortunately have to live with it. Trying to convince her that she is wrong will only be frustrating and difficult for both of you. Tell her that you're going to respect her decision and end all contact. If she truly can't live without you, then she'll make the changes needed to do so. Good luck.
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