Dubler Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 As the title suggest this is what I want to do. I know that I cannot make anyone change their mind, it is physically and mentally impossible but how do you make someone see that a second chance would be good/drive events so that she will consider this at least? I don't mean this in a stalky/weirdo way here either. Quick background was with a girl for about 8 months, everything was fine. Then I got a new job, good job but stressful and very busy. I didn't see her as much, got distant, we didn't go out as much and to be honest I probably neglected her. She finished with me anyway saying we were incompatible. I was a bit of a negative person for a while I admit so I can see why she thought this. I've got a lot more help now at work and it's like a cloud is lifted off of me and I'm back to who I was when we met eachother. I emailed her telling her the problems and how I saw what I had neglected. I said to her that I felt like she still had feelings for me however. She didn't deny it but only said it's too late and she's not going back. I'm not trivialising it but I didn't cheat, beat her or anything, I just let life get me down and neglected her in the process. Any ideas people? How do you/how did you get a 2nd chance?
Simon Phoenix Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Nothing at all. You have to continue to work on you and leave her be. Maybe she'll change her mind, but there's nothing you can do at all to bring that about. Nothing.
loveunlimited Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 As the title suggest this is what I want to do. I know that I cannot make anyone change their mind, it is physically and mentally impossible but how do you make someone see that a second chance would be good/drive events so that she will consider this at least? Any ideas people? How do you/how did you get a 2nd chance? By changing their minds. And as you have already realised, that's not possible. And you've asked her. And she's told you. No. If she won't consider it, you could turn up as her biggest dream heart-throb but she still wouldn't change her mind. No.
veggies Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Unfortunately, nobody can change her mind but her. You can't really influence her at this point, the only person you can control is yourself. Did you guys ever sit down and talk and try to work out the problems before breaking up? People should be there for one another even when the times get hard, and in healthy relationships it's necessary to talk about how each party is feeling and what they're going through. Nobody can tell you if you'll get a second chance... not even she knows that at this point. Time changes feelings-- it can squash any feelings they have left or it can ignite them. There's no way of telling which will happen. The only thing you can do is give her time and space, but don't wait around for her. Make yourself the best version of you possible, and if she still doesn't want that, then she's missing out. 1
swandive83 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Sometimes we need a "grand gesture". I know some people will be against it, but if you really neglected her and became extremely negative then she needs to see you in a better light because her memories will be drenched with the neglect and negativity. The specifics of the gesture is different for each girl. I know for myself, a beautiful bouquet of roses and a card asking to "start over" in a heartfelt way made me melt and had me back into the arms of exes many times (I'm a sucker, i know)...but things may be different for her... what type of things does she like?
loveunlimited Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Sometimes we need a "grand gesture". I know some people will be against it, but if you really neglected her and became extremely negative then she needs to see you in a better light because her memories will be drenched with the neglect and negativity. The specifics of the gesture is different for each girl. I know for myself, a beautiful bouquet of roses and a card asking to "start over" in a heartfelt way made me melt and had me back into the arms of exes many times (I'm a sucker, i know)...but things may be different for her... what type of things does she like? Yes. And look. They're still 'exes'. The grand gesture is fine. Sustaining it and proving change, takes longer and means more. It's all very well to make the grand gesture, and it may indeed knock a dent in their heart, but unless you can prove change, which has been implemented permanently, then that heart's dent is pretty soon knocked out and the bodywork hardens again.
Simon Phoenix Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Sometimes we need a "grand gesture". I know some people will be against it, but if you really neglected her and became extremely negative then she needs to see you in a better light because her memories will be drenched with the neglect and negativity. The specifics of the gesture is different for each girl. I know for myself, a beautiful bouquet of roses and a card asking to "start over" in a heartfelt way made me melt and had me back into the arms of exes many times (I'm a sucker, i know)...but things may be different for her... what type of things does she like? Yeah, this is a disaster 99 percent of the time, though it works awesome in movies. So there's that.
Author Dubler Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Like the title suggests I took her for granted. While this is bad it was nothing 'dark' if you get me. No violence, arguing or negativity. I had a new job with enormous pressures, I was stressed and often a bit down, didn't see her enough as I should've done, became a bit of a negative person so probably not much fun to be around, and just generally didn't treat her as she deserved. Things have changed now however. I have loads more help at work and I'm back to the guy she met in the beginning. I emailed her to say I wanted to try again and apologised and explained what had happened, my faults and how I had effectively brought about the end of the relationship. She has kind of put the shutter down a little bit on me. I sent her a txt saying 'I know you still have feelings for me, but you're worried that things will go the same way again'. I just need her to meet me and see how I'm back to how I used to be but as many of you guys know you can't force anyone to do anything. My thoughts are basically how is this best played? I know space would probably be good here but in the case where I took her for granted surely she should be shown how much I want her? Any advice guys?
eleve82 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Ummm.. You gotta do what you gotta do! Some people will say go NC, I think u should express how you feel. Find a way to reconnect with her and go slow, be consistent and let your actions speak louder than your words. Good luck!
Simon Phoenix Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 You've started a few threads on this, so I'm guessing you haven't found the answer you wanted to read yet. Mine is the same as before -- go NC until you can get your head straight and improve yourself. If you haven't done that, then you aren't ready for this.
GG3 Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 I had a new job with enormous pressures, I was stressed and often a bit down, didn't see her enough as I should've done, became a bit of a negative person so probably not much fun to be around, and just generally didn't treat her as she deserved. Any advice guys? It's hard to say what is going through her mind. Being too busy or overwhelmed with work is an easy excuse for a guy to use to fade away from a relationship so perhaps she thinks you wanted out and now doesn't trust that you were that into her? I say if you want to try to convince her, then yes pull of a grand gesture. If she turns you down after that, then you have your definite answer from her and can move on knowing you gave it a shot.
Recommended Posts