How do most women view themselves?

[JuneJulySeptember]

In my years, it has been implanted in me somehow that women have problems with self esteem. Similar to myself. Like articles and news clips will document young women who are down on themselves because they don't look like the models on the cover of Vogue or Glamour, etc.

 

I have also heard more than one female poster here say, "Women will like you if you make them feel beautiful, etc..."

 

Of course, I'm not saying that the average woman thinks of herself as hideous, but I always thought women in general had some self doubt about their attractiveness.

 

But, here on LS, I see TONS of women self assuredly saying they are very pretty or very attractive.

 

So, it stands to reason that women would be fairly unimpressed if you found them genuinely beautiful, especially if you are no hunk of a man yourself.

 

So, which one is closer to the truth for the average woman?

[Els]

I think most reasonably-grounded women realistically acknowledge that they don't necessarily look like Scarlett Johanssen. That doesn't necessarily equate to being down on themselves or having problems with self-esteem. In fact, the whole point of learning to have healthy self-esteem is learning how to not tie your self-worth entirely to your looks.

 

And desiring compliments from loved ones is an entirely different issue, too. Don't have to have low self-esteem to enjoy a compliment.

[loveunlimited]

Dove's campaign for real beauty.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think most reasonably-grounded women realistically acknowledge that they don't necessarily look like Scarlett Johanssen. That doesn't necessarily equate to being down on themselves or having problems with self-esteem. In fact, the whole point of learning to have healthy self-esteem is learning how to not tie your self-worth entirely to your looks.

 

And desiring compliments from loved ones is an entirely different issue, too. Don't have to have low self-esteem to enjoy a compliment.

 

So, basically, genuinely thinking an average woman is beautiful will earn you no points.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Dove's campaign for real beauty.

 

Right!

 

But some of the mentalities I see here are completely the opposite.

 

I have rarely seen a female poster put herself down on this site.

[Els]

So, basically, genuinely thinking an average woman is beautiful will earn you no points.

 

.... Uh, no, that was entirely not what I said.

[iris219]

But, here on LS, I see TONS of women self assuredly saying they are very pretty or very attractive.

 

So, it stands to reason that women would be fairly unimpressed if you found them genuinely beautiful, especially if you are no hunk of a man yourself.

 

Do you think compliments only matter when they are focused on that which we are insecure about?

 

It is possible to be pretty and know it and still want to hear it from others. Doesn't a great musician feel good when he's told how awesome his music is?

[Els]

Do you think compliments only matter when they are focused on that which we are insecure about?

 

It is possible to be pretty and know it and still want to hear it from others. Doesn't a great musician feel good when he's told how awesome his music is?

 

Precisely. The notion that someone needs to be down on themselves to enjoy a compliment is just so.... odd. The bf knows he's bloody brilliant - he's been there, done that, got multiple certs for it. I'm sure he still enjoys being told it. Same goes for me and just about anything, regardless of whether I objectively think I'm good at it, average in it, or poor in it. And EVEN for the stuff that I'm poor at, I don't get down on myself for it.

 

So many odd associations here.

[JuneJulySeptember]

Do you think compliments only matter when they are focused on that which we are insecure about?

 

It is possible to be pretty and know it and still want to hear it from others. Doesn't a great musician feel good when he's told how awesome his music is?

 

I find 'some' insecurity a very human trait and very attractive.

 

Like when I watch that video posted above (which I've seen many times), I think it's VERY attractive that those women think of themselves as less beautiful than they really are.

 

I guess what I'm asking is ... how many women think like the women in the video?

[KungFuJoe]

Right!

 

But some of the mentalities I see here are completely the opposite.

 

I have rarely seen a female poster put herself down on this site.

 

I think people are equally insecure...men and women. But it's "gender roles" that make it harder on men.

 

A man who is insecure will just stay away from women...thus...no luck.

 

A woman who is insecure may still get approached by men...thus...some luck and it doesn't affect them as badly.

 

I know I'm explaining it in a very rudimentary way, but I think you know what I mean.

[SuperGeek]

So true. This is why men that experience depression have it really bad as their access to intimate relationships virtually fails to zero.

 

A woman will continue to get approached by men no matter what they feel or are going through in life. It must be so nice for them.

 

I think people are equally insecure...men and women. But it's "gender roles" that make it harder on men.

 

A man who is insecure will just stay away from women...thus...no luck.

 

A woman who is insecure may still get approached by men...thus...some luck and it doesn't affect them as badly.

 

I know I'm explaining it in a very rudimentary way, but I think you know what I mean.

[KungFuJoe]

So true. This is why men that experience depression have it really bad as their access to intimate relationships virtually fails to zero.

 

A woman will continue to get approached by men no matter what they feel or are going through in life. It must be so nice for them.

 

You need to focus STRONGLY on this sentence.

 

This makes you sound bitter and jealous. You might think you're not, but it's pretty apparent.

[Estate]

In my years, it has been implanted in me somehow that women have problems with self esteem. Similar to myself. Like articles and news clips will document young women who are down on themselves because they don't look like the models on the cover of Vogue or Glamour, etc.

 

I have also heard more than one female poster here say, "Women will like you if you make them feel beautiful, etc..."

 

Of course, I'm not saying that the average woman thinks of herself as hideous, but I always thought women in general had some self doubt about their attractiveness.

 

But, here on LS, I see TONS of women self assuredly saying they are very pretty or very attractive.

 

So, it stands to reason that women would be fairly unimpressed if you found them genuinely beautiful, especially if you are no hunk of a man yourself.

 

So, which one is closer to the truth for the average woman?

 

Contrary to popular opinion... Women are actually human beings just like you and me and have a full range of thoughts and emotions... JUST LIKE YOU AND ME!

 

[Xinreeki]

I find 'some' insecurity a very human trait and very attractive.

 

Like when I watch that video posted above (which I've seen many times), I think it's VERY attractive that those women think of themselves as less beautiful than they really are.

 

I guess what I'm asking is ... how many women think like the women in the video?

 

I think you may be confusing "insecurity" with "humility" ?

 

As it is completely possible for someone to have high self esteem, to be secure in who they are, but also to be humble about it.

 

Speaking for myself, I confess I have struggled immensely with insecurity, depression, low self esteem etc, and I mainly attribute that to my school years, as I was bullied a LOT.

 

But over time I've come to realize that everyone is different and that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Sure some people may think I'm ugly (even I may think I'm ugly in one way or another often times) but that doesn't mean that I'm not also beautiful to others.

 

I just have to try and remind myself of that one vital truth-

 

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder"

 

And try to keep reminding myself that I'm awesome just the way I am.

 

I think that is also the point of the Dove campaign for real beauty.

 

However, I do love compliments, and I confess I still struggle a fair bit with depression / low self esteem etc at times , so I do really appreciate a bit of extra emotional support on occasion, to help me through.

 

And luckily for me, my bf is incredibly understanding and empathetic, and always telling me how much he loves me / how beautiful I am to him.

 

Still, I wish I could get a better handle on my insecurity, because I know it is holding me back and is unattractive to most.

[KungFuJoe]

Agreed,

 

JJS is confusing insecurity with humility. They are very very different from each other.

[JuneJulySeptember]

I think you may be confusing "insecurity" with "humility" ?

 

 

I think both are attractive, the former in small amounts of course.

 

Like when a woman were to say to me, "I'm OK I guess, some people probably think I'm attractive." That would be extremely attractive to me, especially if she were in reality attractive.

 

It seems to me most people would prefer a woman who would say, "I'm really pretty" which I see a lot here.

 

That's odd to me. But maybe it's a different culture I was raised in.

[Els]

IMO, most of the 'I'm really pretty' statements here are attached as disclaimers.

 

Because trust me, if a woman posted a dating-problems thread on LS and didn't add that, she'd get 100 pages of how men are all visual and she should work on her looks and she should post pictures so people get an idea of how she looks like and she shouldn't look for men 'above her league' and she should work out and look more fit and if she doesn't it's her own fault she'll die alone and...

 

You get the idea.

 

Most people I know don't actually come out of the blue and say "I'm really pretty."

[loveunlimited]

Right!

 

But some of the mentalities I see here are completely the opposite.

 

I have rarely seen a female poster put herself down on this site.

 

You must be reading different threads to some I have read. I see it on a frequent basis, particularly when a woman is married or with a man who has a dominant/aggressive/controlling/nature. There are many such threads, and many such women. Unfortunately it is also common that these specific threads are quite short, or involve little contribution from the woman in question. probably because they dislike/fear the responses given and do not have sufficient confidence or self-esteem to engage with what other members advise, and carry through the recommendations. The usual contributors, regular female members, are those who by and large have succeeded in confronting or overcoming their own particular issues, and are therefore more confident as a result.

[Xinreeki]

I think both are attractive, the former in small amounts of course.

 

Like when a woman were to say to me, "I'm OK I guess, some people probably think I'm attractive." That would be extremely attractive to me, especially if she were in reality attractive.

 

It seems to me most people would prefer a woman who would say, "I'm really pretty" which I see a lot here.

 

That's odd to me. But maybe it's a different culture I was raised in.

 

I think maybe you're worrying a bit too much about semantics?

 

I.e. Someone can love themselves for who they are, and also be wise enough to admit that they won't be attractive to everyone.

 

In fact, I feel quite confident in saying that no-one is attractive to everyone.

 

Sure some people will be perceived to be very attractive / attractive by more people than others, but I don't think anyone would be viewed as "highly attractive" by every single person on the planet, because everyone is going to be attracted to different things and different types of people.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I am insecure as hell about my looks. Every men that I know of thought that my insecurity is a turn off. It's strange that you find insecurity attractive OP

[runningfar]

I have serious issues with my self esteem as it relates to looks, according to everyone who I've told what I really think.

I have my doubts sometimes whether they're confusing low self esteem with being realistic.

I've tried very hard to not put myself down, on my boyfriend's "order."

 

There are other areas where my self esteem is quite healthy.

[Southern Cal Dude]

The majority I've come across are hideously insecure. The personalities you see on forums doesn't reflect reality. I've only met 2 women who didn't care what anyone thought and displayed no insecurity about themselves, and one ended up in prison. Look how often you see women indirectly fishing for compliments. That's not being secure.

[TheBigQuestion]

There are three things certain in life: Death, taxes, and women expressing dissatisfaction with their appearances, most likely as a means of fishing for compliments.

[SJC2008]

According to a licensed marriage and family therapist, women generally have lower selfn esteem than most men. This reminds me of my confidence is a surface trait theory. The last woman I dated is very sociable and seemed very comfortable in her skin. Well it turned out she was the exact opposite. She couldn't take a compliment to save her life. First impressions aren't always what they seem.

[SJC2008]

I am insecure as hell about my looks. Every men that I know of thought that my insecurity is a turn off. It's strange that you find insecurity attractive OP

 

You must be projecting your insecurity if the men are picking it up. That's something I've worked on.