PepperPotts Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I just want to thank all of you for being so supportive during my year of LDR. I was 1200 miles away from my boyfriend during an extremely stressful time in both of our lives, and if I hadn't had this community I don't know what I would've done. He flew out and helped me move to his area, and we've now been back to local for a month! We're not living together just yet, and we only get to spend the weekends together (I say "local" but we still live 45 miles apart), but it is infinitely easier than the distance. It worked out for us, and it will work out for all of you still doing distance if it's supposed to. I am a firm believer that distance doesn't kill relationships-- it just enhances problems that were already there. If he cheats on you, he would have done it eventually if you were local. If you can't come up with a communication plan that keeps you both happy, you would have eventually had communication issues locally. And if you're supposed to be together, distance won't be able to stop you. Point being, what's meant to be works out if you have support and are willing to work for it I hope you find this encouraging! 2
Els Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Very happy things worked out for you, PP. I'm not sure I agree with you re: the distance never killing relationships; it's kind of a balance, I guess. Most people have limits to the duration they can endure. Bf and I did LD for 2 years and have been together for 3 more after closing the distance, but if those 3 had been LD as well, I'm not sure we would've lasted til now, in spite of everything. Without the distance, it's comparatively almost effortless. Still, very glad to see another success story. Keep them coming. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Glad things are working out for you too PP I agree with Elswyth though, I think the distance can kill r/ships, for example I've had problems with my partner who isn't open and demonstrative when we're apart, but when we're together he is, so some things just aren't an issue when we are together, I'm not saying everything would be perfect if we lived closer, no r/ship is, but I think we would work out pretty well if we lived closer, we've split up before now because of the distance. Very happy things worked out for you, PP. I'm not sure I agree with you re: the distance never killing relationships; it's kind of a balance, I guess. Most people have limits to the duration they can endure. Bf and I did LD for 2 years and have been together for 3 more after closing the distance, but if those 3 had been LD as well, I'm not sure we would've lasted til now, in spite of everything. Without the distance, it's comparatively almost effortless. Still, very glad to see another success story. Keep them coming. 1
Author PepperPotts Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 Ok, I do agree with you, Elswyth. We were nearing our limit. It wouldn't have been that we didn't love each other or we weren't happy-- the whole thing is CRAZY stressful, and it becomes hard. So I will grant you that. For both of you, I guess I more mean the basic fears lots of people have about LDR --we're going to drift apart quickly, she's going to cheat on me, he's going to find someone else-- those are things that would happen eventually, in my opinion, even if you were local. But I agree with you both that distance does put stress on a relationship and that there are definitely some distance-specific communication issues in play. Hope you're both doing well! 2
Els Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Oh, yes, I certainly agree with that. There's currently a rather popular thread in another subforum now, in which a few posters are raising hell about a couple who's planning to do a LDR for a year. Doing well now, and yes, 45 miles and weekends sounds good! When I first closed the distance with my bf, he was living in college accommodations, so we were about a 30-minute commute from each other for 6 months or so, but that was definitely easier. Any plans for you to relocate any nearer in the future?
Author PepperPotts Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 It's all job-dependent. My field is pretty cliquey, so it's hard to break in to a new state :/ I'm working on it though! He lives in the nearest city to the city I'm in, but how we get closer will depend on where and when I finally find work. So it may be a while, or it may be two weeks. It just depends. I would prefer to work in his city but my options will likely be better in mine. We've decided tentatively that if I would have to find permanent employment here we will move together to a middle-point next summer. But neither of us really wants that.. he hates commuting and I really want to live in his city-- it's beautiful and clean and full of things to do, without feeling overcrowded. 1
HeavenOrHell Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I've not really had fears about drifting apart or that he'll cheat on me (always knew he wouldn't), or that he'd find someone else, our problems really have been just not living closer to each other and missing him I feel any problems we may have would be easier to deal with face to face/living closer, or would no longer be an issue if we lived closer, Ok, I do agree with you, Elswyth. We were nearing our limit. It wouldn't have been that we didn't love each other or we weren't happy-- the whole thing is CRAZY stressful, and it becomes hard. So I will grant you that. For both of you, I guess I more mean the basic fears lots of people have about LDR --we're going to drift apart quickly, she's going to cheat on me, he's going to find someone else-- those are things that would happen eventually, in my opinion, even if you were local. But I agree with you both that distance does put stress on a relationship and that there are definitely some distance-specific communication issues in play. Hope you're both doing well!
pettie Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Definetely encouraging Congratulations! Glad to hear it is working out for you guys.
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