flitzanu Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I assume I know her best and I'd like not to believe everything is SO black and white. I also recognize I am still trying to hang on to hope that we can get back together so I argue back. Having a tough time letting go of her completely. there's the problem. everything IS so black and white. none of us are unique and special, everyone has the same breakup. go back and read every story here, and you'll see that yes...it's just that simple. 1
flitzanu Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 While I agree with you (I would find a way to work no matter what-and I mean no matter what), some people do need to be single for a while at a young age (she's only 23). Where I disagree is sometimes people may be so right for each other but the timing is off (could be off anywhere from 6 months-years). In any case I am of like mind to you... if I find the right person, I would fight for it and make it work. also i hope you realize she isn't doing this to "be single", she's doing this to meet and date other people. 1
Author heart12 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Well I haven't stayed in her life. I cut contact the day we broke up and haven't made any attempt to reach out since. Obviously it has NOT been easy but such is life, a lot of stuff isn't easy. I was just wondering if people ever break contact and then things work out but I KNOW that A) I need to keep no contact B) if we do have a chance one day it has to be her to realize it and come back and C) I can't wait for her to figure that out. It's just SO damn hard to spend 2.5 years with someone, your lover/best friend and then CUT contact completely. Also I know that the no contact from me is driving her crazy and quite frankly she deserves no more than that from me.
Author heart12 Posted June 23, 2013 Author Posted June 23, 2013 Heart, the only reason a person "needs" to be single is to see what options ate or there, ourbecause they don't want to date anyone. Either way, she doesn't want you. And staying in her life hoping she'll change her mind makes you seem needy, and willing to settle for scraps - neither of which are attractive qualities in a partner. I'm pretty sure (can't know 100%) that she doesn't want to date anybody for the next long while (be it me or someone new).
Bozena Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 First of all I agree with someone said above that if you really were the love of her life she wouldn't risk to lose you. At the time she told you that she might thought of it like that. But I also when I was at her age, I considered the boyfriends that I was with as the love of my life until I replaced them with someone else. In any case, yes I know some married couples that they had broke up for some time, but this is not the norm. For personal experience I can tell you that once you break up you will break up sometime because the reasons that led to break up will appear again. (Unless are problems related to external factors, like distance, health problems etc). My first boyfriend (from 13-18) and I broke up all the time. In fact he was breaking up with me, until I came to my senses and give an end to this parody. Then my boyfriend at 22 told me that he needed some space (one year after the relationship), I told him ok but he never took this space. he told me that he was just been stressed on being in a relationship one year. then after one year I was the one who broke up with him. and then there was at my 24 the guy that we were 5 years together. I broke up with him because he kind of cheated me at 4 months (it wasn't actual cheating but in any case it is complicated). In the end he broke up with me after 5 years (without cheating) because he said that he wants to meet more girls. well if I hadn't given him a second chance back then, I wouldn't have lost 4,5 years of my life. Anyway we are friends, so I don't regret it and I don't want him anymore in any other way, but my point is that once a glass broken, it is difficult to be the same again.
Author heart12 Posted June 24, 2013 Author Posted June 24, 2013 Dangit.... I was doing better the last couple days. Having a great time this weekend. Then this morning I woke up in the middle of an amazing dream about my ex where we start talking again and missing each other. Now I find it truly difficult to not message her. Dreams can really screw with you- sometimes they feel so F-in real.
Author heart12 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Well it's been just under a year since this break up. I have been through other realtionships (mostly very short but one last a bunch of months) since. About 7 months after break up me and the ex started talking again, somewhat regularly. She was dating someone else (guy she was with before me) but it's long distance and isn't such a strong relationship. Think it's more her inability to be alone. Around Xmas we get into an argument because she's supposed to come over and then bails which annoys me so I tell her that's lame etc.. and don't answer her again. A month passes and I reach out to find her extremely emotional and upset. She says maybe we can't be friend now or ever and not meant to be and maybe I'm fine but she's not and feels like she doesn't know me at all. I tell her I care about her enough to leave her be and if she's ever ready she knows where to find me. Fast forward a month and a half to last week - she messages me to congratulate me for something she had heard about. We message for a few minutes catching up (her seeming very excited) and she even mentions that it's my bday coming up. That's significant because her's passed and I didn't wish her anything (about a month ago). She also tells me she's going to be in town for a few days. After a few mins I pull a "well it was nice to hear from you. Maybe we'll bump into each other one of these days, take care." Now a week later I really want to reach out to her but not sure it's the right thing. Advice?
Trovador Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 After a year she stills see you only as a friend, if you are willing to meet her future boyfriends (and be of some service to her), by all means reach out to her...
Author heart12 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 So her reaching out isn't her trying to start slowly possibly or anything right? The guy she is with, it's not a real relationship. She had been dating him when we met and then obviously that changed. Why was she so emotional about the break up a month ago and now she contacts me when I disappear to help her?
Trovador Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 If she wanted to get back, nothing in the world would stop her of saying so... they contact because need someone to listen, to run some errands, to gossip a little, to share tips on fashion, comment on tv shows and even tell secrets of their current lovers... Nothing worth there, buddy...
Author heart12 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 I agree but she isn't good at fighting for stuff like that. Even when we first spoke after 6 months - she was questioning why I didn't chase her or reach out sooner. She wanted to talk but was too afraid to initiate so her doing it here is significant. Thing is I don't think I would get back together with her but I'm not sure. If I saw her and we went out once you never know.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I agree but she isn't good at fighting for stuff like that. Even when we first spoke after 6 months - she was questioning why I didn't chase her or reach out sooner. She wanted to talk but was too afraid to initiate so her doing it here is significant. Thing is I don't think I would get back together with her but I'm not sure. If I saw her and we went out once you never know. I know! You will be her bff. If she wanted to be with you, she would simple as that. These "attempts" or whatever you want to believe is happening mean nothing. Her bailing on hanging with you is a very clear sign of what's really going on. Keep moving forward
Author heart12 Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 Well she bailed because her boyfriend told her no... it would have ended in us sleeping together so I guess I understand. In terms of moving on, I'm totally fine. Dating a few different girls on and off... Just when the girl you dated and loved for 3 years initiates - it makes you question a little bit of what if.
Recommended Posts