I feel there is something she isn't telling me.

[Sandbox]

Hey all,

 

So I've been dating this girl for a year now. Things have been really good, but here lately I've began to notice some things. I'll just start by giving you some back story. grab some popcorn and a soda, and maybe put on some music cause this might be quite a read.

 

So the story goes like this. Back in my senior year of high school, I met this girl. It was a friend of a friend type thing. We started talking and getting to know each other pretty well. I thought she was cute and she was intelligent. We swapped numbers and we would find ourselves texting each other often through the day. I was single, and she had a boyfriend. She seemed to be having relationship problems and confided in me that everything wasn't going smoothly. this was pretty normal for me, considering I've always had a few friends of the opposite gender and not to toot my own horn but I've always been told that I have a natural ability to get people to open up I guess. A good conversationalist I suppose you would say. Anyways, one thing led to another as the months past and I really had a thing for her. We would always be talking to each other. She admitted that she liked me too, but she was still with the other guy. Yes I was interested in her, but she was also a really good friend of mine. I told her that if she really felt that way then she needed to decide something, you know between me and the other guy. To make a long story a bit shorter, she ended up staying with him. I wasn't anger or holding any resentment. We remained friends, just strictly on a platonic level though. I'm not going to lie, I still had a healthy dose of feelings for this girl, but it was what it was.

 

Now fast forward a few years. We kind of lost contact with one another after high school, but we managed to run into each other again. We got to talking and I figured out that she is still with the same guy as before. It seemed that their relationship was falling apart. We got to talking again, and she ended up breaking up with him to save her and him some dignity before things got really ugly. We were interested in each other but I didn't want her to just jump into another relationship, I gave it some time. After a while of her being single for the first time in years we got together. We were in love. You know how it goes. Cant go an hour without texting one another, long talks on the phone and a date on the weekends. It was amazing. The first time in a long time I had felt that I truly made a connection with someone.

 

Now fast forward 7 or 8 months. I think we are still very much in love, but I'm picking up things that just doesn't seem right. She is very secretive about her cell phone. Seriously its off limits. Its cool with me. I respect her right to privacy, and I like mine too. I trust her, and feel that she has nothing to hide. I'm not one of those men that feels the need to comb through his woman's phone,emails etc. There is a point however when she starts shouting when I pick up her phone, even to just move it to the charger If I notice its dying. She is very insecure. We all have our insecurities but hers run rampant. I'm not nor have ever passed judgment. Because of this though it seems like one of her favorite hobbies now is accusing me of infidelity. I have never cheated. I'm tried re-assuring her of this but it falls on deaf ears. She tells me that I've probably cheated on her because she isn't attractive enough and that she doesn't do it for me anymore. This is far from the truth, honestly she really is one of the most attractive woman I've seen. I'm not dating her purely for that of course but, it doesn't hurt anything ether haha. She says that if I haven't cheated on her yet, IM probably going to do it. I ask her where she is getting these things from and she doesn't really give me an answer. Here lately as well she has been criticizing me for everything I do. Honestly sometimes it seems like I cant do or say anything without her nit-picking me for it. She has even gone as far to say that everything I do or say annoys her. Here lately she has been spending a lot of time with some family I've never met, coincidentally in a place where she apparently doesn't have phone signal. Recently, she went up there Last Sunday saying she was going to be coming back Monday which was our one year anniversary. She texted me Monday saying her car had broke down, and that the starter had went out on it at they were trying to get it fixed. Saying stuff like "of course this would happen on our anniversary." I didn't think much about it, considering her car is quite honestly better off going to a scrap yard. Seriously the thing is junk. That was last Monday. Now here it is Wednesday of the following week and I have only gotten like maybe 10 texts from her this whole week. She wont reply to anything I send her. she wont answer any phone calls neither. Here in the last two days, she has completely fallen of the radar. Absolutely no communication. The last thing I heard fro her was a text message on Saturday saying " I miss you " and that is it. I've tried getting a hold of her several times since then but with no luck.

 

Some other things that I have noticed that seem honestly quite sketchy, is the fact that she quit her job about 3 weeks ago due to having problems with the manager. She however is somehow still getting the gas money to run all the way from her house ( I forgot to mention the fact that we don't live together ) to her "cousin's" ( Like I said, family I've never met ) house which is about a 50 minute drive from where we live on the regular. I know of no other sources of income that she has. THats been leading me to wonder where she has been getting the money to fill up her gas guzzling car for the last little while. I know her family pretty well and they wouldn't be giving it to her, considering they always guilt trip her for money cause they are broke.

 

Lastly, on her Facebook profile I seen where she has hidden all the post that I've tagged her in, including the one where I was saying happy anniversary from view so no one can see them viewing her profile.

 

Honestly, all these things plus more are making me really start to think. I really really do care for this girl, and I don't want us to split up. All the warning signs are there however, and I'd be a complete fool to deny them any further. When I've tried talking to her she just blows it all off, making me seem like some paranoid nutcase coming up with things. I'm not blind however. I just can't hold it all in anymore. I want us to stay together, but I feel that everything is coming to a head. I just don't know what to do. half of me is saying that its time to just call it quits, but I cant just do that. I'm really in love with this girl and I really honestly can't just bring myself to break up with her regardless of this whole relationship bringing me down. I am in some serious need of help. If this post seems a bit hard to follow I apologize. I haven't been getting any sleep at night, due to this whole thing constantly depressing me and keeping me awake all night thinking she may just text or call or something. Thinking that maybe in some fantasy dream world I might have it all wrong and nothing is really as it seems. Unfortunately, reality is a thing, and life isn't all rainbows with pots of gold at the end. I can no longer deny whats staring me in the face. It hurts all the more knowing that she wont give me answers to anything.

 

So, now that that's all out, what does everyone think? I feel as though I'm a giant push over and am letting myself get ran over, but I love her to the point where I've been denying whats in front of me for a while. At the cost of my own sanity.

[BradJacobs]

Move on because it's over.

 

And if she does return to you it probably means the other man sent her packing.

 

Best of luck!

[sillyanswer]

She tells me that I've probably cheated on her because she isn't attractive enough and that she doesn't do it for me anymore.

 

I wonder if she's projecting and that actually you're the one who doesn't do it for her any more and that she's (thinking about) cheating on you.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_projection#Characteristics

[curlygirl40]

Unfortunately you're too close to the situation to really see what's going on.

 

If you can try to remove yourself from the situation and read this post like an outsider, you will see that she is fading away from you. She has met someone else and has moved on. Either she doesn't have the courage to tell you and is hoping you will just move along, or she is keeping you on the back burner incase it doesn't work out.

 

She's incredibly insecure and you can't fix that about her.

 

Sorry!! You should go no contact at this point. If she's backing away it's the only way to save your dignity while you still can!!

 

Good luck.

[leftfordead2]

One thing I have learnt is that if she accuses you of cheating or going to cheat, she probably is the one cheating currently and trying to justify her actions by saying you would cheat on her anyway.