Emissary Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Sorry if this is a bit of a long read, just I'm rarely content with missing any details I find to be relevant. I use that term loosely as we were never truly together. Even though we previously expressed much intent to be together, we never really got around to going on a date. The biggest obstacle to this fact was that everytime we had a date planned out, something would come up that would put a damper on those plans. We were only together in this sense for about two and a half months. The first six weeks or so were pretty ok in my books, I was happy even if a little annoyed that nothing had happened yet, but the final month was very taxing. I learned that she had depression and had recently started taking meds for that. We texted daily during our time together, and it was typically very positive, but in the last month she was just never happy, always something allegedly bringing her down. I tried to be there for her, but she just kept shutting herself in, not even telling me what was wrong anymore. long story short, this continued and I eventually confessed I was worried that whatever we had built together was crumbling apart. This marked the end, as she took that as invitation to frankly say she's just a kid, that she's lonely, dramatic, and stupid, more or less her exact words. She said she wasn't the girl I need. I told her I just wish she would have given me a chance to prove her wrong, but that at any rate I would stop texting her for a while. I intended to leave her alone for maybe one or two weeks. However, the very next day at work, her mom cornered me to invite me to have coffee with her during my break. (I've actually known her mom longer, I'm the mall's most popular barista and both her and her daughter are fellow mall workers and regular customers of my place). She explained that her daughter is in a bad place right now and that I'm inevitably going to be dragged into it all, and that this is a regular thing. Even worse, that a lot of the dramas she told me about were either completely fabricated or blown out of proportion. She advised I nix all contact and just move on. I took her up on that suggestion by deleting all my contact info on her and un-friending her on Facebook. I was just so emotionally drained at this point that I just ate her mother's words up, I was glad of a reason to just plain hate her. The first couple of weeks she avoided my shop while I was working, though I would often see her at her mom's shop right across from my store. I believe she was looking at me quite a bit. During this period I was just plain angry with her and for some reason disliked her even more for avoiding me. She eventually started showing up at my store again, though only when accompanied by others, but eventually she started coming on her own. Exactly one month after our "breakup" I finally served her, it was just me and her. It was a very strained order at first, not looking at each other she kind of just mumbled her order in a quiet voice. As I was filling out her order I looked at her and asked how she was doing, she said not good. No other conversation took place, but I did tell her at the end that I wasn't angry with her, and by that point I knew it was the truth. She kept coming back, and over the past two weeks we made a lot of progress mending our interactions at least to a point where we could openly be friendly and playful with each other like we used to be, I was very happy for this fact. I had promised her mother that I would break all contact with her aside from serving her, in which case I was to treat her like an ordinary customer. Since I'm very friendly and playful to all my customers in general, I wasn't stepping out of line in this regard. Where I did break my promise was on Monday I texted her. While I did delete all her info, it was only a symbolic effort, I have a very good memory. I just texted her asking if I was ok to text her again, saying that it's been six weeks and was wondering if we were cool. She said we were and we went from there. I said that was good because I sort of missed at least talking to her, she said she missed talking to me as well. I said that was a start, and how I would like to declare a fresh start but that I know there was too much said and done on both sides for that to be realistic, but that I was sorry for being a prick. She kind of jumped on my mention of a fresh start, inquiring whether we could start over. I know I kind of just said it wasn't really possible, but I ended up contradicting myself by saying it was possible, but that baby steps were to be key. I said I wasn't going to rush or force anything anymore, and that whatever happened, I was just going to be at peace with myself. We didn't get into specifics, but we both admitted our faults from the last time around and agreed to start over. Her mom was very harsh in her description of her daughter, and while I initially bought into it, I began to question her own sincerity regarding the matter. I believe my ex-ex-girlfriend has issues to say the least, but I think her mom was blowing things out of proportion herself. There were things she told me that just weren't adding up when I actually took time to consider them. I think she took the liberty of doing this to chase me away, she made no secret of the fact she never approved of me dating her daughter even if she did think I was a good guy. The biggest thing that just wasn't adding up was her telling me that her daughter tells all these sorts of lies to get people to feel sorry for her, basically all some big ploy for attention. I'm not a psychologist, and while I can believe she was seeking attention before, her final days with me simply did not reflect that. She wasn't talking to anybody, this I know for a fact as I had asked pretty much anybody I knew to be a mutual contact whether they had talked to her at all recently. Attention whores don't do that, I had to pry at her for a long time to get even a vague idea of what was bothering her, though I suspect I know the truth of what triggered this breakdown, not going to say though. I also had a severe breakdown at her specific age that caused me to have to repeat my senior year of high school, I can relate to a degree. I know her mom is also a drama queen herself, this is also fact as I've served her for three years, and there was always something up with her. I'm hoping things work out, but I know there are some inevitable unpleasantness coming my way. She still lives at home with her dad, there's going to be no hiding the fact of our reunion from either of her parents. I've never met her dad, but I know he doesn't exactly like me on account of our age difference (I'm 25, she's 18). Her mom simply tolerated me before since she knew me, I'm hoping I could do the same with her dad if he could come to understand that while the age difference is unconventional, that at least I'm a good person. Once again, sorry if that was a long read. I just had a lot I wanted to get off my chest about what's happened. Part of me is saying I've simply decided to live in denial over what happened, but an even bigger part of me is saying this just deserves another chance. I'm going to be careful reading into whatever dramas come her way. I'm seeing hope, and I want to believe I'm not in denial as I'm saying this fully acknowledging she is not perfect. I know she was dishonest to me in the past, but I want to trust we were at least sincere in our feelings for one another.
Emilia Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I think you are in the process of setting yourself up for a whole world of pain if you don't move on from this girl. You are showing excessive caretaking characteristics: ie codependency, which is a real concern. It does not seem to me that you would have anything healthy with this girl. Her depression and her relationship with her mother is not YOUR concern.
Author Emissary Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 I think you are in the process of setting yourself up for a whole world of pain if you don't move on from this girl. You are showing excessive caretaking characteristics: ie codependency, which is a real concern. It does not seem to me that you would have anything healthy with this girl. Her depression and her relationship with her mother is not YOUR concern. I'm not focusing in the least on her relationship with her mom. Though, I don't see how her depression isn't my concern. She wants to try again, I want to try again, and really so far thing have been working out well. I'm going on vacation soon, when I get back it will be two weeks into our reconciliation, that will be our probation period. If things are still going well I will allow us to progress further. I don't really see how this qualifies as co-dependency, if I were doing this just to make her happy, then it would be that, but I want this as well. I'm just skeptical if it will work out or not, but I think it deserves another chance.
Emilia Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 I'm not focusing in the least on her relationship with her mom. Though, I don't see how her depression isn't my concern. She wants to try again, I want to try again, and really so far thing have been working out well. I'm going on vacation soon, when I get back it will be two weeks into our reconciliation, that will be our probation period. If things are still going well I will allow us to progress further. I don't really see how this qualifies as co-dependency, if I were doing this just to make her happy, then it would be that, but I want this as well. I'm just skeptical if it will work out or not, but I think it deserves another chance. You are focusing on how broken she is and why she is broken. She is a girl you couldn't even set up a date with and now you are sucked back in. You are hooked on helping. Why not find a healthy woman?
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