LilGirlandOW Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 So this is what my MM tells me about their sex life, and we have a male friend that knew us both before we knew each other, and this is how he described it to them him, i was nosy and asked, and the male friend i asked has his allegence with me(as we are closer and known eachother longer), male friend doesnt know about our A either. Anyways so his story is they have sex 2-4 times a year! She's not interested in it and it shows when they do it as well so it makes him not to excited about it. Now in A he says to me that they havn't done it at all in the almost 9mnths of our A, prior to the A it had been 2 mnths.
ComingInHot Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 Spark, Ahhhhhhahahahaha!!!! I know right!?!?! If I don't scream and laugh, I'll just cry thinking about it. The whole thing is just So crazy sad...
leonine Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 XMM was pretty disparaging regarding their sex life, not that I ever asked. According to him they didn't have sex the whole time that he and I were seeing each other (yeah, I know...who knows). He claimed that they only had sex when he initiated and that his wife had serious body image issues that made her believe that she wasn't very good in bed. There were a few times when he fished around for info by saying things that implied that he believed that my husband and I also didn't have much sex or that there were things that he would do for me that my husband wouldn't. I just let those comments hang. Didn't feel like they warranted a response.
Silly_Girl Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I'm fOW and fBS I didn't care that my ex discussed our sex life with those women he pursued. I knew the truth and had no hang-ups to worry about. With xMM I wouldn't have proceeded at all if he had been sleeping with his wife. Not a moral thing, I just would have been too jealous. So we discussed their lack of sex and why each of them may have found themselves in that situation.
seren Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I don't really care either way if H had told OW about our sex life, or should I say given a version of our sex life. I think it a little naive to think that a couple can sleep together while one is trying to hide an A and the other not knowing and not cottoning on by the lack of sex. But I am sure that a lot of AP's were told there wasn't any sex, it was cold, they had to do ...... to have sex. Thing is, had there been any significant change then possibly more BS would suspect an A far sooner. Sex is just sex, I am sure that H didn't share how we were intimate, which is far more meaningful than sex. I, were I an AP, would be more miffed if I had a window into a relationship where sofas were shared, heads in laps, cuddles, hand holding, sharing laughs, future talks, planning and seeing the day to day interaction between the MM and BS. For sure H was an utter twonker while the A was happening, but not all the time, we still shared intimate moments, Sunday morning lie in's, breakfast in bed with my head on his heart are our normal thing and they didn't stop, even when I thought he had been taken over by space aliens. When I spoke to OW after D Day she told me the nature of the A thinking to hurt me, TBH, it bore no relation to what I see as a loving relationship as it was based upon self destruct for them both, sad really. Sex can be had with anyone, intimacy suggests far more. I can only speak from my knowledge and experience. 4
Summer Breeze Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 DMM and I never spoke of our sex lives away from each other. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact our time was consumed with us. I didn't see the sense of wasting time talking about things that didn't matter to our R. Our time together was tremendously intimate but sex was only a small part of it. If he'd insisted on talking about it I'd have told him to take a leap off a tall building. I knew they were but I didn't need to hear about it any more than I need to hear about my BFFs sex life. As far as when I was a BS I have no idea what he told her. Like Seren none of our intimate moments stopped even though some of his actions made him a stranger. But to me they became part of the huge lie he made my life making it all completely meaningless. I didn't care if he might have lied to her because I was crushed by the lies he told me. 1
Snowflower Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 I'm fOW and fBS I didn't care that my ex discussed our sex life with those women he pursued. I knew the truth and had no hang-ups to worry about. ~snip~ I don't really care either way if H had told OW about our sex life, or should I say given a version of our sex life. I think it a little naive to think that a couple can sleep together while one is trying to hide an A and the other not knowing and not cottoning on by the lack of sex. But I am sure that a lot of AP's were told there wasn't any sex, it was cold, they had to do ...... to have sex. Thing is, had there been any significant change then possibly more BS would suspect an A far sooner. Sex is just sex, I am sure that H didn't share how we were intimate, which is far more meaningful than sex. I, were I an AP, would be more miffed if I had a window into a relationship where sofas were shared, heads in laps, cuddles, hand holding, sharing laughs, future talks, planning and seeing the day to day interaction between the MM and BS. For sure H was an utter twonker while the A was happening, but not all the time, we still shared intimate moments, Sunday morning lie in's, breakfast in bed with my head on his heart are our normal thing and they didn't stop, even when I thought he had been taken over by space aliens. When I spoke to OW after D Day she told me the nature of the A thinking to hurt me, TBH, it bore no relation to what I see as a loving relationship as it was based upon self destruct for them both, sad really. Sex can be had with anyone, intimacy suggests far more. I can only speak from my knowledge and experience. ~snip~ As far as when I was a BS I have no idea what he told her. Like Seren none of our intimate moments stopped even though some of his actions made him a stranger. But to me they became part of the huge lie he made my life making it all completely meaningless. I didn't care if he might have lied to her because I was crushed by the lies he told me. I was reading through this thread and wondering if there was somehow something wrong with me because I never thought to ask or really cared what my H had told OW about our sex life. I don't think I ever really wanted to know. Yes, we discussed the gist of their conversations but some things I just didn't need to know. I almost thought that maybe I was one of those burying-my-head-in-the-sand type of wives or abnormal! But then I read these ladies' responses and realized that okay, maybe I'm not so unusual. Honestly, I never asked him because I didn't care. I knew the truth about our (sex) life together. Only he and I knew exactly what our intimate moments were like. So if he told her inaccurate cr*p or she believed that I wouldn't let him near me with a ten foot pole, then well, okay. That delusion is not mine to bear. My pre-affair marriage wasn't perfect but I knew what we had and what we didn't. That gave me all the peace of mind that I needed. 1
Pastypop Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 I had several men ask me about my sex life with my husband. I found these questions to be invasive, rude and frankly none of their business. I would look them straight in the eye and told them "my husband and I have sex three/four times a week". After they picked their jaws off the floor, that topic was no longer discussed. I could have called them a bunch of names for asking such a disgusting question to begin with but, this was more entertaining. Seriously, why in the world would some man even ask a woman that kind of question? Oh and of course they would go on and on about just being roommates with their wife. Really? Like I care!!
canuckprincess Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 I am opening this up to either BS or OW/OM here. I asking for no judging/shaming on any OW/OM who responds. What, if any, discussions took place about the sex life WS had within the marriage? That is did WS or OW/OM discuss or ask questions about the married sex or BS sexuality(performance, body, etc). Quick recap - My wife's EA was with a former PA partner, she could not let go of him (emotionally) even once she fell in love with me. Of course she has not been fully open and honest about their EA including what was said, but she did "accidentally" reveal once that the OM wanted to know about our sex life and if I was "satisfying her". I suspect it was more detailed than a simple question (wife was minimizing again) and OM was fishing for details and comparisons to his skills and their former PA sex life. Obviously I was more than a bit upset over this kind of discussions, but I am asking here if this kind of discussion took place in other EA pr PA. Maybe wanting details would be more of an OM thing than OW. As a ow my mm and I discuss everything so of course sex comes up but not alot of details.
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