travelbug1996 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Back story, we met last June while he was going through a divorce. We took things kinda slow. Didn't get physical for some months. He seemed to control the pace. Very deep chemistry and attraction. He said I was his soul mate and that we wanted to marry me. I was even considering having a baby and I'm over 40. wtf? I was smitten. When I asked what he did wrong to contribute to the breakdown of his marriage he admitted to having NO flaws in his character. Looking back that was the MAIN RED FLAG. Well, turns out he was extremely passive aggressive. We started getting serious in October. He asked me to be his woman. We shared a lot of laughs and good times. We spent holidays together and birthdays. He took a more passive approach and said to me that his laid back approach would "frustrate" people at times. He said this after we broke up. I'm like "why gt in a relationship if you're gonna take this approach"? Doesn't make a bit of sense to me. Fast forward to a couple months ago. I sensed him pulling a away a bit not initiating as much contact and I brought up the topic. I was grieving the death of my dad at the time so I was emotional but not disrespectful. I didn't yell curse or criticize him. I expressed to him that we agreed that once his divorce was over which is was late Dec that we would spend more time together. He had spent the previous weekend with his buddies knowing that I only had weekends mostly free. He did not like that I confronted him (he told me he didn't like conflict) and abruptly stopped calling me like I never existed. I sensed that he might be being manipulative so I didn't bite the bait and chase him. I honestly wanted to see if the man that claimed to love me could go from consistently contacting me to just cutting me off. Well, he did just that. Two weeks passed, I was devastated and crushed. At that point. I didn't want to talk to him either so I mailed him his things. Well, now he hates me. WTF?? He said I broke up with him and that I should have called him after he didn't call me. He says that he thought I was being rude in the way I was speaking to him. Somehow taking the focus off WHAT I said now making me the problem and focusing on HOW I said it. That felt manipulative I get the feeling that if I had done that (called him) that would have set the pace for how we deal with conflict i.e he shuts down and I start mind reading and second guessing myself. I expressed to him that he could have stayed consistent in his contact and told me the next day that he didn't like how I expressed myself. Mind you, still no talk of what my issue was. Its been a couple months and I have tried to have a conversation with me and he resists. Example is that he said he would call when he returned from vacation and didn't (after 3 days). when I expressed that he need not bother he says I'm being impulsive and he was gonna call. I remember him saying that his xw would get in his face and rage at him. I feel like he tried to provoke me to anger but it didn't happen. He has described me as having a mean streak because I sent him his things. Its like he wants me to snap on him but I'm more self aware than that.. Honestly I think he's silently angry at the xw and I've heard that passive aggressive try to provoke others to express the anger that they can't. I don't know but what I do know if that communication is important to me. I'm not the best but I don't withdraw or give the silent treatment and I can't allow myself to be treated in such a way. I want to be with a man that will tell me he needs time out to think. But a man that will abruptly cut me off and not even validate my existence feels really strange to me.
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