blh0390 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 (edited) Okay so this actually just happened today. I just recently moved, and before I began talking with a good female friend of mine. She confessed to me that she had developed feelings for me. I was excited when she told me because I had actually developed feelings for her too. It turned out that both of us had started getting them at the same time after we had a long conversation one night. Keep in mind that was about half a year before we actually told each other. Anyway the real reason it took so long for me to say anything is because she had been divorced for half a year before i met her, and wanted to give her time. When we finally did start talking we clicked so instantly, and easily. Everything between us was completely effortless. We held the same morals, shared the same interests, and everything. Also we both told each other we had a stronger sexual attraction than anyone else we had been with. We agreed that we both had never felt this way emotionally about anyone else either. After a while we began to make plans to be together, and talked about how great we were going to be together. Well all that came crashing down today when she called me, and told me she had been leading me on. How can somebody let somebody else invest all these feelings and emotions then just rip them apart like that? When she said it I honestly don't think it sounded sincere. Also i found out that her ex was back in the picture. Could she have just been saying this out of confusion over her emotions? I'm not holding on to any thread of hope that I'll hear back from her or anything because as far as I'm concerned I just want to get over her, and move on. I just don't want to think i was the only one who invested my heart into it. It's incredibly hard to believe anyone can just fake all that. Edited June 19, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator incorrect spelling
Oldcatskinner Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Boss, Hang in there, and hang tough. Yes, it is not a good feeling for you. Yes, the sun will come up tomorrow, and you will have to face the day. Only you can decide what is right for YOU. Remember this tenet. Don't do what I have done in the past, which is analyze her thoughts (because all it is is what YOU think SHE thinks). Go off of her actions. Actions, and not what you think she thinks. This practice can test a man to his limits. If she wants you, she will let you know. Make a plan. You said her ex came back into the picture. Let her have her fun. You go live your life. If she comes back to you, have your plan in place. The plan: Make up your mind right now-Am I going to tolerate this behavior from a partner? What are MY boundaries? How many strikes does she get? See, by doing these things, you are setting yourself up for success for YOU, and not her. If she is part of your success, GREAT! But if she isn't, that is GREAT too (this part can be hard to stomach). Go give it hell and best wishes, Oldcatskinner 2
Author blh0390 Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 Boss, Hang in there, and hang tough. Yes, it is not a good feeling for you. Yes, the sun will come up tomorrow, and you will have to face the day. Only you can decide what is right for YOU. Remember this tenet. Don't do what I have done in the past, which is analyze her thoughts (because all it is is what YOU think SHE thinks). Go off of her actions. Actions, and not what you think she thinks. This practice can test a man to his limits. If she wants you, she will let you know. Make a plan. You said her ex came back into the picture. Let her have her fun. You go live your life. If she comes back to you, have your plan in place. The plan: Make up your mind right now-Am I going to tolerate this behavior from a partner? What are MY boundaries? How many strikes does she get? See, by doing these things, you are setting yourself up for success for YOU, and not her. If she is part of your success, GREAT! But if she isn't, that is GREAT too (this part can be hard to stomach). Go give it hell and best wishes, Oldcatskinner Thanks man. I'm making a lot of progress for it to have only just happened. I basically decided she's not worth my time if she's able to do something like that to someone she supposedly loves. I'm not holding my breath to hear from her. As far as I'm concerned I can do way better. I guess all I really feel by this point is disappointment in someone I thought I knew. I used your advice, and it really helped a lot. Wanted to say thank you for that. Also if you don't mind me asking, do you have a similar experience?
Oldcatskinner Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 BLH, I'm glad to hear you are doing better; hang in there! No, my situation was not similar; I pursued a girl for years, and she told me she wasn't who I thought she was the whole time, but eventually she gave in and we had a serious go of it. At the end, I was tired, and she was too. The breakup fight was our last mutual contact together. Don't feel disappointed in who you thought she was for too long. Remember, just because a couple didn't work out does not mean they are bad folks, but they are just incompatible for you at the time. The secret to all of this, or moreover the key, is understanding that we are humans and have the ability to commit stupid acts. We also have the ability to love and build each other up. If you loved her, as I did mine, congratulations. You have experienced life, and you have the ability to love. Don't let the breakup jade you negatively, and at the same time use the experience to hone in on what you are looking for. No body is perfect, and don't expect them to be. I am seeing a real fun girl right now, and I have high expectations for myself, but am not gung ho all the stops out on the relationship at this point. IT IS A BALANCE! One point that is similar, we have felt loss, and it stings. It is supposed to sting. But, the sting goes away, and I have a good friend that says "It'll feel better when it quits hurting." Best wishes, Oldcatskinner
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