vitani Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Hello all, I am writing this because I need a bit of guidance due to the level of confusion I'm experiencing. I have been talking to a guy who lives in a town about 5 hours from where I live. I have known him for years, but we just really connected when I was in town back in the fall. Since then I have seen him a couple of times and just recently went up to see him before he left for the summer for a job down south. He was very expressive about me coming back into town (I have friends and family there as well), and we basically spent the entire weekend together. He spent the night with me 2 nights in a row, we did not have sex, but I was definitely "catching feelings" as some people say, and was under the impression that he was interested as well. He connected with my friends, paid for my dinner, opened doors for me, etc. So naturally, I was pretty excited! He ended up leaving Sunday morning for a summer job and won't be back for about a month and a half. He texted me Sunday afternoon saying he really enjoyed hanging out with me and I attempted to engage him in a conversation via text, to which there was no response. I sent him another message to make sure he made it in safe (he drove a long distance), to which he did respond that he has made it in, and I continued to try to engage him, but was unable to get anything else. This was two days ago and I have not heard anything since. Mind you, I know that he is starting a new job and getting accustom to a new city, but I just have a terrible feeling in my gut that he has lost interest. I am a very prideful person and do not want to attempt to engage him anymore out of fear of rejection and embarrassing myself, but I am extremely disheartened and still hopeful to hear from him. I even asked him to send me his address for the summer while we were together and have not gotten that from him yet. My question for you all is - am I reading into this too hard? How long should I give it before I write it off completely and start to move on or attempt to engage him one last time? Have I turned into a character from "He's Just Not That Into You?" Thanks for any input!
TMichaels Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 How about letting him do the chasing instead of you doing all the work? Best, TMichaels 1
amkxoxo Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I'm going through the same exact situation except more in depth. We dated for 3 months before going long distance, and said we would continue to "see" each other. Well for this last month we have texted and talked but its been very me contacting him and him just responding when he can. The texts and calls amd him responding have been less and less. No effort. One weekend I didn't answer a text message from him and did not call him and days later he texted me telling me he was "sorry he couldnt give me the time he knows I value and that he thinks im ignoring him" But he hasn't changed. My advice is to not make yourself so accesible. Have a life. Let him call you. I'm sure he's busy, but if he has lost interest its his loss. Let him win you over and just keep being you nice, fun, cute self that he started to like.
justwhoiam Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 (edited) am I reading into this too hard? 1) What TMichaels said. 2) Don't initiate anything, if he texts you, answer with a short text waiting at least an hour before you send the text. 3) He was driving and you try to engage him in a conversation via text? No. No. No. 4) Asking for his Summer address that early was a bad move. It was something you should have waited for once and if he was going to call you from there. (That can still happen, but now don't ask for any address, as you already did). 5) Slow down. You saw him two nights in a row. Only. He might want to enjoy his Summer lightheartedly. Give him the time to process his feelings. It's a delicate phase. If you start coming across this needy and clingy so soon, that might ruin anything that could possibly start with him. Cross your fingers. We will too. Come back here when he gets back to you. How long should I give it before I write it off completely Two to three months I guess. Edited June 19, 2013 by justwhoiam
Author vitani Posted June 19, 2013 Author Posted June 19, 2013 I really appreciate the feedback! I will do my best to be patient and keep my fingers crossed as well.
inaya42 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 1) What TMichaels said. 2) Don't initiate anything, if he texts you, answer with a short text waiting at least an hour before you send the text. 3) He was driving and you try to engage him in a conversation via text? No. No. No. 4) Asking for his Summer address that early was a bad move. It was something you should have waited for once and if he was going to call you from there. (That can still happen, but now don't ask for any address, as you already did). 5) Slow down. You saw him two nights in a row. Only. He might want to enjoy his Summer lightheartedly. Give him the time to process his feelings. It's a delicate phase. If you start coming across this needy and clingy so soon, that might ruin anything that could possibly start with him. Cross your fingers. We will too. Come back here when he gets back to you. Two to three months I guess. this is such excellent advice! i had an LDR fail. we had been 1 year in the same place and then 5 months in different countries. but we had spent substantial time in both before settling into our respective countries. still, my ex was starting a new job, was very anxious and depressed about his career, and i experienced and expressed the typical LDR pining and misery. we broke up because we were both too miserable. still, i have often felt that, if i had just given him the time and space to settle in a bit and then to incorporate our relationship into his new life in a way that felt both responsible and fulfilling to him, we might have been able to figure it out. (who knows? i have often felt that i was just a transitional relationship and that i gave him a soft landing in his new life, too. ) so my advice to you is to go easy and let him come to you. actions indicate intention and desire more than words anyway... good luck. be happy no matter what. 1
Author vitani Posted June 21, 2013 Author Posted June 21, 2013 Still no word from him. I contacted a mutual friend of ours to try to feel it out a bit. She is very close with him, and someone I trust very much. I told her basically what I posted initially, and this is what she had to say: "These are my thoughts. 1. He likes you. He told me he did. Not since this weekend, but before. 2. He is getting settled so he is probably just getting into his routine up there (he is all about his routine) 3. He isn't much of a communicator. We've been really good friends for years and I could probably count less than 10 convos on the phone. He is the most awkward phone person ever btw. You have that to look forward to lol 4. He is an analyzer. He probably has been thinking about what he is going to say to you for days! He does things his way and in his own time. That's just how he is. He actually has gotten a lot better recently. All of this being said. If it were me, I'd reach out to him and ask him how his trip up went and how he is getting settled. I'm pretty sure he is interested. And I'm pretty giddy about it." That did make me feel a little better, but I told her I'd probably lay low on contacting him for a while, to which she encouraged me to go after what I want. What do you all think? Should I go with her advice and try to make contact or continue to wait for him to contact me? Again, thank you for any input.
Chris516 Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 This thread is the medicine I needed, letting me know, i am not the only one going through a lack of communication. I have been in an LDR for six years. Back in the Fall of 2011, the communication suddenly changed. She suddenly started thinking I gave her an STD, despite all the negative STD results from STD testing I did in 2008. Since the beginning of the year, communication has gone from where it was daily six years ago, to every week to two weeks. I will try to stop pining over the lack of communication.
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