BrightHope Posted October 21, 2013 Posted October 21, 2013 (edited) Hi BH, Thanks for checking in! I was just thinking about updating this thread. Well, at 4.5 months post-breakup and NC, I am doing fairly well. My emotions have settled regarding my ex, and I can see the relationship more clearly (hint: no bueno). It was a relatively short relationship compared to many folks here, but it was after a long dry spell and I had, well, high hopes. I see now that I wasn't paying enough to the actual relationship because I was so glad to have a companion. Dumb. Next time, I will try to be more alert and focus on content (is this person a good fit? do we communicate well? is he emotionally available?) rather than form (hey, I have a BF!). I have also noticed that my anxiety has shifted from my ex to other more mundane life matters, like my next career move. This is helpful because it gives me another place to focus my mental energy. Plus, those pesky job applications take time. How are you faring? Sending good thoughts, M. You are hilarious...hey, I have a BF! It's great that you are gaining momentum and starting to get enthusiastic about other aspects of your life. Maybe a true sign that you are moving on. Let's hope so! And about hope, you mention high hopes in your post. That's what is so hard to give up, I think. No, not just the hope that things will work out with this guy (in my case). It's the hope and possibilities that relationships and BFs bring. Especially after a long dry spell, as you put it, and at my age - mid 40s! It just isnt often that you mean someone that gives you that hope and that's what is hard. At least for me! I hope when you enter your next relationship, you remember the wonderful advice from your own post above. I'm doing okay. And by that I mean that I am slowly starting to let some reality seep in. Just barely, and then I shut it out again. I have brief flashes of strength where I truly believe that if it's meant to be, it will all work out. That this is about him and not me, and I feel okay. But it's only briefly. And more often it is thoughts of panic and fear creeping in, the reality that he isnt coming back again, and I lose it. I know that these thoughts and realities do need to be accepted, but I just can't handle them fully or honestly yet. That I am at least considering them, even for brief moments, I hope is a positive step forward. I'm not as far along in this process as you are and your stories and posts are helping me and many others, I'm sure. This path is not an untrodden one, unfortunately.... Thinking of you! Edited October 21, 2013 by BrightHope
Author Minneloa Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 I'm sorry you are struggling, BH. It sounds like you are still trying to wrap your mind around the loss. For me, that was an ongoing battle between reality (he's gone) and false hope (maybe he'll come back!). I am glad that my posts are helpful to you. I am trying to "pay it forward," so to speak, because folks on this forum have been so tremendously helpful in my healing process. All I can say is that if you stay NC and keep as busy and distracted as possible, it WILL get better. LS is a great place to come and vent or ask for support. Sending hugs and good thoughts! M 1
BC1980 Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Hi BH, Thanks for checking in! I was just thinking about updating this thread. Well, at 4.5 months post-breakup and NC, I am doing fairly well. My emotions have settled regarding my ex, and I can see the relationship more clearly (hint: no bueno). It was a relatively short relationship compared to many folks here, but it was after a long dry spell and I had, well, high hopes. I see now that I wasn't paying enough to the actual relationship because I was so glad to have a companion. Dumb. Next time, I will try to be more alert and focus on content (is this person a good fit? do we communicate well? is he emotionally available?) rather than form (hey, I have a BF!). I have also noticed that my anxiety has shifted from my ex to other more mundane life matters, like my next career move. This is helpful because it gives me another place to focus my mental energy. Plus, those pesky job applications take time. How are you faring? Sending good thoughts, M. Thank you for the update. It sounds like you are making a lot of progress. We can do this!
Author Minneloa Posted October 22, 2013 Author Posted October 22, 2013 Thank you for the update. It sounds like you are making a lot of progress. We can do this! Thanks, BC. Yes, we can!
BrightHope Posted October 22, 2013 Posted October 22, 2013 Thanks, BC. Yes, we can! Now this is the attitude, ladies!
Author Minneloa Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 Well, I was a stubborn one, and it took me six full months of NC to FINALLY accept the breakup and let my ex go. It's a weird feeling--I just feel calm and slightly resigned. Up until last week, I was still nurturing some (false) hope and still felt connected to my ex. I even considered breaking no contact so that I could shock myself into reality. Instead, I called a friend, who said, "He was never really with you." This hurt so much to hear, but it's true. After the first two months of him acting like an infatuated teenager, he settled into distance and, finally, a sort of cold contempt. That's the reality of our relationship, as painful as it is to admit. And I can see it now, rather than pining for the person who initially showered me with attention. That person is long gone, and isn't ever coming back. As for my cold and distant ex, Pffft to him. My point is that I have reached indifference, the holy grail of post-breakup recovery. If I, overemotional introverted hyperanalytical dweller that I am, can do it, so can you, my friends, so can you. In solidarity, M. 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted December 7, 2013 Posted December 7, 2013 Well, I am at 3.5 months post-break up and NC. Somedays I feel like Katy Perry (Roar!), but a lot of times I still feel wistful and miss my ex. I'm getting more perspective on the relationship (he was kind of a jerk to me) and mistakes I made (hint: many!), but I still miss his companionship and (truth moment) wish he would come back, ala romcoms, and declare he made a terrible mistake. I know that's the false hope (and, perhaps, female socialization) talking, and I don't have any urge to break NC (the thought fills me with horror, actually-- what on earth would I say to this person who walked away from me?), but I notice that I tend to be sad rather than angry about the demise of the relationship. Probably should work on that. Is anyone else 3-4 months in who can relate to my situation, or anyone further on who remembers this phase? At this point, it's just hard for me to imagine emerging from my NC cocoon as a full-grown butterfly who doesn't give a $@% about her ex. I am 4 month post BU and everything u say there I can relate with !!! x
Author Minneloa Posted December 7, 2013 Author Posted December 7, 2013 I am 4 month post BU and everything u say there I can relate with !!! x Sending good thoughts your way!
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