checkthisbox Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 he won't tell me why, or what we can do about it (he has suggested counselling, which i am willing to do, but how will that help him be attracted to me??). he never suggests anything new in the bedroom, and when i do he might try it for a couple times but then he forgets about it and goes back to the same old same old. i have all these horrible thoughts that i am ugly, fat, useless and of course he doesn't want me. but i know in my brain (not my heart) that he is just bored and i am too. we have other problems as well. i just don't know. i never thought i'd get divorced but i'm starting to wonder - at what point do you know it's over?
Clockwork Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 Try the kinky stuff. Honestly. You two are married so it isn't as if you can't be perverted with each other. Just to something different. Dress up in leather and proposition him when he gets home. Be dominant, tie him up, whatever. Role play. Every marriage needs a spark and there is nothing wrong with a little voyeurism. No matter how tired a man is we will never turn down oral sex. There needs to be a spark lit back up, so do what you can to light it again. I am proud to say I am as perverted as a horny teenager when I am with my wife. And because of that we have never lost that spark after 5 years of marriage. Sex is just as good - if not better - than in the beginning. If those things don't work then there is something much more serious than that and counselling would be the place to go.
eleve82 Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 It's possibly not just about sex. Maybe the two of you need to engage in more interesting activities together - try new places to visit, hobbies, sports, etc. You both need to remember how to have a good time together.
TaraMaiden Posted June 23, 2013 Posted June 23, 2013 he won't tell me why, or what we can do about it (he has suggested counselling, which i am willing to do, but how will that help him be attracted to me??). he never suggests anything new in the bedroom, and when i do he might try it for a couple times but then he forgets about it and goes back to the same old same old. Oh, hang on....Not enough info really.... How long have you been married? Are you sexually compatible (ie, do you both have the same kind of libido/drive?) what was sex like when you first went out together? Do you have children? If so, ages? i have all these horrible thoughts that i am ugly, fat, useless and of course he doesn't want me. but i know in my brain (not my heart) that he is just bored and i am too. have either of you 'let yourselves go'? Do you do things together? Do you have joint hobbies? Do either of you have fulfilling lives outside the home? Do you both work? Doing what? we have other problems as well. i just don't know. i never thought i'd get divorced but i'm starting to wonder - at what point do you know it's over? What 'other problems'? Problems are the biggest passion-killer, particularly money or family illness... You know it's over when either you've both tried everything possible, and given it your all - or one of you turns round and says "I'm done, I don't want to do this any more, period." You're both responsible for this marriage. It's like a beautiful, restored vintage car: It needs maintenance, upkeep, tinkering, tweaking, major service now and then, and care and attention to keep it in good condition. And you both have to be into this, equally, 100%. Do you think you are?
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