Kat Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 I am being forced to give my little angel to the animal known as my ex. However this time there will be no supervision. Just him,her, the open raad, no eyes watching his every move, and no one to help her if she needs it. Those threats of kidnapping and death refuse to die down. I am numb. I have a month till it happens but I don't think I am bring myself to do it
tiki Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 I'm not familiar with your situation at all. I too, am a single mother. Is she coming back soon? Try not to worry. She should be fine. And she will think of you often.
Kat Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by tikibrandy I'm not familiar with your situation at all. I too, am a single mother. Is she coming back soon? Try not to worry. She should be fine. And she will think of you often. I will only be for a few hours, but that's just it. I don't know if she will be coming back or even if she will be okay. But there is nothing I can do about it.
Papillon Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Oh, Kat, my heart goes out to you. Make sure you have up to date pictures of him and her, and catalogue everything she will be wearing, and try to take photographs of them together. Take a witness along.
Kat Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by Papillon Oh, Kat, my heart goes out to you. Make sure you have up to date pictures of him and her, and catalogue everything she will be wearing, and try to take photographs of them together. Take a witness along. I have photopgraphs of him, and him and her together. Thanks for the hint about taking a picture of her on the day so I know what she is wearing. At the end of the day I pray that he doesn't touch a hair on her head and returns her when he is suppose to, but with someone like that, you just don't know
CurlyIam Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 HAve a little faith. There must be something good in him, since you had his baby . It may sound horrible, but your little daugther does need a father figure in her life. Think that you are going through this for her.
Papillon Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Dear Curly, I disagree very strongly. She doesn't need a father figure, that's a myth. It's just a romantic notion. She would be better off without a father than an abusive/unstable father.
CurlyIam Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Since the court decided to have joint custody, I assumed that there was no peril of abusive/violent father. Break ups when having a baby are very tough. Sharing a baby with a father whom the mother dispisses is awful for the child. I did not and will not automatically assume abuse, unless specifically declared by the mom. As I read it, it was a bad break up and mom having a hard time sharing her child's love and attention. I would take one parent family to a two parents dysfunctional parents. Yet, as I said before, if one can choose, the father is one important figure in any baby's life. He knows he is loved by them both and can have them both, even if not under the same roof.
Kat Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by CurlyIam Since the court decided to have joint custody, I assumed that there was no peril of abusive/violent father. Break ups when having a baby are very tough. Sharing a baby with a father whom the mother dispisses is awful for the child. I did not and will not automatically assume abuse, unless specifically declared by the mom. As I read it, it was a bad break up and mom having a hard time sharing her child's love and attention. I would take one parent family to a two parents dysfunctional parents. Yet, as I said before, if one can choose, the father is one important figure in any baby's life. He knows he is loved by them both and can have them both, even if not under the same roof. I have full custody, he has visitation. She is nearlly four and ge has had around 40 hours contact with her since birth. There is a long history of abuse spanning over 4 years. He has even been in jail for asssulting me while pregnant. She has a father figure and has had him in her life since she was 6mths old. He has stayed around 24/7 while the other guy has decided just not to turn up for visits for 2 years with no reason. I am concerned is because he has hurt me while pregnant, he has threatened to kill her and threatened to kidnap her and this is the first time he has had access to her without supervision of any kind. If only it was just a bad break up
Kat Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by Papillon Seek legal help. I did, this is a result of that But that is the joy of LS. Hopefully you guys can help support me
CurlyIam Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 How did this happen? Didn't you preserve the letters?Do you have no proof? I have had a friend who went through a similar situation: got married, had a baby than broke up. You'd think he was the devil when she spoke of him . The kid takes it really hard... I am sorry to hear that you have so serious reasons to be worried. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you.
Kat Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by CurlyIam How did this happen? Didn't you preserve the letters?Do you have no proof? Everything was kept and documented. I have a two foot high pile of paper which is purely 'evidence'. Apparently this is his 'last chance'. This is about the 100th last chance he has been given by authorities, however for him to stuff up, means she suffers
CurlyIam Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Does she like him? Does she feel comfortable around him? How is she reacting to this? That is awfull... I don't know, appeal, fight, frame him . Do you actually think he would hurt her? Did he ever hurt her?
Kat Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Originally posted by CurlyIam Does she like him? Does she feel comfortable around him? How is she reacting to this? That is awfull... I don't know, appeal, fight, frame him . Do you actually think he would hurt her? Did he ever hurt her? She doesn't even know him. She is nearly four and has seen him four times in the last three years, around 8 hours total. He has helf a knife to my pregnant stomach and has head butted me while holding her. He has threatened to kill her and me. He has threatened to kidnap her. I am one of those people who feel as if the system has let my little girl down
CurlyIam Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 How long is she to stay with him? What is he to do so that the the judge be convinced he's not supposed to be in her life? If it's a couple of hours, I hope they fly by in no second.... I think I'd feel like strangling the system if I were you. Kat, he'd have to be a maniac to touch one hair of her head...
tiki Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 When does the visitation start, today? Kat, I don't think he'll hurt her, at least not just yet. HOPEFULLY right now, that's probably the last thing on his mind. Now get him used to her and her ways, and he may become more agressive. Will this visitation be frequent? My thoughts are with you.
Kat Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 6 days to go until the first visit. We have done everything we can it is now out of our hands. Our only hope is that our prayers are answered and he has a nice safe visit with her and brings our little baby back without any harm being done to her I have never felt so scared in my entire life
meanon Posted November 15, 2004 Posted November 15, 2004 Kat, I have a friend who has been through a very similar situation with her ex. It seems very odd to me that he is being allowed unsupervised access after 4 visits in 3 years. Has your lawyer attempted to extend supervised visits, rather than denying them all together? Could you appeal, at this late stage? There's a big difference between what's happened and actually hurting her or taking her away. I can totally understand that it's a risk you and your child should not have to take and I'd feel exactly the same way.
Kat Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 We go back to court soon because I don't believe Hope's interests are to be left alone with this man, even if he is her father, just yet. Both him and myself aren't on speaking terms, because he didn't bother going to counselling. I don't think unsupervised visits should happen until a bond has been created and both parents can communicate about those visits without lawyers. The visit was this morning and my angel was brought back to me. That is one mighty start towards trusting him again, but it was only three hours and it is easy to act for such a short amount of time. But I am mean hell, I am very careful what I think about him and his behaviour, I still don't trust him and even though he did good today, it doesn't bring it all bacxk to level. I don't understand the system, not to mention him and his girlfriend. She seems to think I am some monster because of all the lies he has fed to her. If that makes their relationship easier, then fine, but leave my reputation out of it. All I care about right now is how my baby came back to me without any harm to her. Now I just have to monitor her behaviour to see if anything was said
Kat Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Originally posted by Kat We go back to court soon because I don't believe Hope's interests are to be left alone with this man, even if he is her father, just yet. Both him and myself aren't on speaking terms, because he didn't bother going to counselling. I don't think unsupervised visits should happen until a bond has been created and both parents can communicate about those visits without lawyers. Not to mention because his case to get unsupervised visits was full of lies and we found proof of this fact
Patiently waiting Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 I understand your feelings as my soon to be ex H, told me that he resented the fact our daughter was even born. He has no regrets about our son, the first child. He said that having 2 children was too hard on him, he couldn't do anything fun anymore cause of the money restriction. He griped and complained but never thought of looking for a better job. He always had an excuse. He has a B.S. in business so he is certainly capable, just lazy. In fact I got a 2nd job to pay our new house payment! He complained about that cause I wasn't home as much to "take care of him". So, he prev. had an affair, before I got my 2nd job, said because I didn't have time for him (this all came out much later, after I caught him of course). During the last part of our marriage, he became progressively mean to me. He would pin me down and yell at me, split my lip once. Would yell at me, throw things and all in front of the kids. I finally had enough, threw him out. Got a restraining order (civil). Went to court a month later for visitation he had filed for. Mediatior advised joint custody! And he was to have the children every other weekend and a few hours each Weds. I was livid! I couldn't believe they would auth. or suggest that! But they did give him a provision that he had to take anger mgmt. classes. The mediator told me how odd our case was cause I had all the bad stuff to say but H said NOTHING bad about me. Did I hear someone say psycho?????? Well, he didn't say anything bad about me , cause there wasn't anything to say! At some point he barged in my house and started taking stuff, I went to take it back out of his car stating that he did not have the right to randomly choose what was his unless it was only personal items. he grabbed my arm, and yanked me away from the car. I got a huge bruise! I didn't notice it til the next day when my arm felt real sore. Looked in the mirror and freaked! Called police, they took audio recorded statement, and pictures. Now the DA is pursuing misdemeanor charges against him. He plead not guilty, has a trial set for January. I will get suboenaed to testify, he asked that I call the DA to lighten it up a bit. But, I have read that this is common for the wife to try to rescind her statement. But, it wouldn't work even if I did. In California, they pursue DV charges very aggressively. He will not win his trial, in fact his sentence will wind up mor harsh than if he had plead guilty. He will get 2 months in jail, as opposed the 45 days he would have gotten. Plus he just may have had the chance that the judge would give him a suspended sentence with probation and a 52 week Batterers class (which I asked the judge to give him in the civil case, but was denied). Anyway, he is stewed. I kinda feel bad about the jail thing, he's never been in trouble before and I am actually concerned he may try suicide to avoid jail. He's still a child inside sadly......Plus, I don't know how this will affect my child support payments, he could lose his job. But as Baretta had said...."don't do the crime if you can't do the time" So, what I am saying is that the court system may be wacked, but be assured he will pay if he kidnaps her. They will find him, esp. if it is reported immediately that they are missing. I do think their used to be the 48 hour req, but since "Amber Alert" came into play, it is immediate now. Plus, do you really think he would kidnap her and live in hiding? That's a rough life to lead......I know people do it, but it does seem very difficult and takes a lot of effort. Since he has a girlfriend, it's even more unlikely. I don't know him, only you do, and only you can say for sure if the "violence" was directed toward you only and the threats were made just to upset you even more. I am wondering why you were not able to get a restraining order, esp. since you have proof. Do you honestly think he will hurt her or are you blowing this out of proportion. (just playing devil's advocate here, no harm intended to what you believe is true or not). Sounds like the acts of violence were more directed at you and she is being used as a tool in between for all the anger. Why else would he show up after all that time? Was it cause he was suddenly forced to pay child support and figured he might as well get his money's worth? That's how it is with my soon to be ex H. I think he could take or leave the kids.....he felt jilted by the attention I gave them in the first place. It's all a game to him, but I'm not playing it. I never speak ill of him to the kids, he's their dad. I have actually started to enjoy the time that they are with him, it gives me a much needed break. Do I worry that he does not care for them as I do, Hell yeah! But, I try to give him the benefit of the doubt that he would not harm them because he is their father and deep down must love them. So far so good, they come home just fine...... I know there are real psychos out there who DO in fact harm their children, do you believe in your heart that your ex is one of them? If you do, fight to the death to save them! Get yourself a good attorney even if it takes all your money. I hope that this is not your situation, but if it is keep fighting. My prayers are with you and your daughter......
Kat Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Well he beat me while pregnant, he threatened to 'kill me and take the baby with him' and this was when I was 8 mths pregnant, he threatened to kill her and me because if he couldn't have us, no one would. After she was born he threatened to kidnap her because he couldn't see her because he was violent, and he assaulted me while holding her (she was 8 weeks old). I have a restraining order out on him, it is going back to court soon because he said that my daughter shouldn't be on it....and I requested that she be,
Patiently waiting Posted November 21, 2004 Posted November 21, 2004 Do you have an attorney???? You need one! Now! If you have one, he is no good, get a different one! What kind of backwards ass court system are you dealing with??? I cannot fathom that they would allow this when you have proof of his threats. Plus, he will not get the rest. order lifted if he is making threats still. Go to court with the proof pinned to your shirt!!!! And a cutthroat attorney!!!
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