ILuvPink1268 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Hi, I am a mw who started A with a co-worker 3 yrs ago after 1 yr of being good friends. I thought of this man as a brother/best friend then when my marriage was getting rocky and I was feeling sad and lonely my F made his move and I didn't say no. I needed to feel wanted and alive again and boy did I now! We continued to see each other every other week for about a yr when I started catching feelings for him and told him. Well that freaked us both out with him taking the negative response and me hurt and bewildered . I thought we had great chemistry and that I felt he wanted what I wanted. What he wanted was a FWB. Which I just couldn't wrap my head around. So we were off and on for the next yr. With my only request being that he practice safe and to tell me if he was actually "seeing" anyone. Which he never did admitt to. He was then transferred to another region in the company. We kept in touch still like best friends and occasionally him asking for me when he came back to visit. Which I was unsure of since I knew my feelings meant more. He came back last week to visit his family and asked me to spend a night and although I was intrigued, I had this sick feeling thinking of it. I said maybe but lets have dinner and chat and see how we feel. We went out last night and damn I felt chemistry. We had a nice dinner and great talks catching up. We did fool around a bit in my car and yes I was tempted to go further but I held back. He was sweet talking me with how good I look and how he loves and wants to please me. I told him I would think about it and maybe we can get together before he goes back later this week. We said good night. On the way home I heard a cell phone (not mine) going off in my back seat. I pulled over found a cell phone (his) and there were several messages pop ups from 2 different women. So of course I read them and read all the messages. Turns out he has been seeing these same women all around the same time he was seeing me for the past 3 yrs! I was sick reading all of this. One of the women sounded a lot like me.... unsure of him and wanting more from him etc. The other seemed like a more intense relationship with him saying he loved her and he was just with her the night before our date! I got an email from him asking if his cell phone was in my car and if I could turn it off and he would like to see me in the morning to get it and that he was thinking of me and what we can do together later. etc. I was sick to my stomach. There is was all the proof I needed that my gut all this time was right and he had no problem working his magic on all of us women. I emailed back that I know he lied and that after knowing someone for 4 yrs I was done with his game etc. Well I haven't heard back regarding his cell phone ( which he needs... its a company cell phone) . My question here is what do I do with this cell phone and I am also tempted to text these other 2 women to let them know what I know. However I don't want him to find out I told them b/c I am afraid he will contact my DH... with whom we have made a lot of progress with in our marriage this past yr. I don't want to jeopardize my life now after I had worked so hard to get past my A. What should I do??
georgia girl Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Please, please, please do not take my advice. Having said that, here goes: I'd text both women and let them know what they've gotten themselves into. You're hurt right now but they have no idea. Like you, they deserve to know. First, they need to protect their sexual health. Secondly, he's screwing with their emotions. Knowledge is power. They have every right to know. Then, I'd take the phone to a public place that has a rest room. I'd find some guy and tell him a sob story of your man cheating on you and ask him if he'd take the phone into the urinal and smear it all around the urinal for you. Then, I'd place it in a plastic bag, wash my hands really, really well and leave his phone someplace where he could come and get it. No, I wouldn't mention the urinal but I would point out that I left it in a bag so it wouldn't draw damp. I'd also be very clear that friends treat each other well. They don't lie to each other, take advantage of each other or manipulate each other for self gain. Since he was no longer a friend, I would add that he wouldn't expect to ever hear from me again. I am mean. You shouldn't do this. Please do not do this. But, consider letting those women know. Hugs. What a jerk. And in your case, I would also take a good luck at what I have at home. He may not be perfect, but he didn't fail you. 3
Journee Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Man o' man. You mentioned that you had been working hard to move past your A with him. You were thinking of and possibly going to be intimate with your OM some time this week. You "fooled around" in the car.....It sounds like you are still in an affair. As hard as it is to be betrayed by him , you have to know that you are doing the same thing to your husband. Your OM and you sound off and on as if he has no real commitment ,as you stated a FWB. On his terms. I understand you are hurt but you feel like blowing the whistle on him without having the whistle blown on yourself. He isn't committed to you and while it's sick he would play with your sexual health and that of several others by not being forthcoming ,you have done the same to your H. I suggest you take charge of your health and get tested ASAP as it is obvious he has been with other people. 2
Author ILuvPink1268 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 Thank you. I am fully aware of selfish behavior with DH. I kissed the OM the other night ( in my day that was fooling around) nothing else. The last time we were intimate was 18 mths ago and I did get tested when I had stronger suspicions last year. What I'm trying to decide is if to contact these other women and share what I know. I do not want to contact or see the AP if I don't have to.... that's what I want to figure out what to do with his business phone
WakingUp Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 WALK AWAY. Put the phone in the mail. You are the one with plenty to lose here. Not him. Walk away and don't look back. Honestly, his other women are probably FWB too and would not be interested. And it may make him mad enough to blow you out of the water. You do not have any rights here, Im sorry, but you went home to your husband every night. What business is it of yours what he did? If you are concerned about your health then you should have used condoms. Sounds harsh but its true. 4
underwater2010 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I would text the other OW and then send it back to his place of work with a note attached.
Author ILuvPink1268 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 You are absolutely right. I deserve the harsh advice and totally agree.
Nattie Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I'm trying to put myself in your shoes with this advice... I really feel for you! I think if I discovered my MM had a few others on the side (not including his wife, obviously..) I think I really would be hurt, BUT with that being said, if you go postal and into revenge mode I think you'll be the one left feeling empty. Those other girls either may not care, or may not believe you, or they could be so sucked in that it wouldn't matter anyway. He'd sweet talk his way right back. I think you should just leave his phone somewhere with a note attached, simply saying something to the effect of "Goodbye. Do not contact me again." I dunno... you could come up with something more catchy.... email him and tell him where the phone is, and then block everything. He will be the one blindsided and crushed.
Artie Lang Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 your discovery tells you exactly what he really thinks of you- you're just a piece of a55 to him. BELIEVE IT! he has 2 other chicks waiting in line. how does that feel? WAKE UP!
BrokenPrincess Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I don't think you said for sure...is he single? If so, I would just get the phone back to him and not contact the other women. You have a lot to lose, but he's got nothing at stake, and probably within his rights as a single guy too, except for being a bit of a jerk telling 3 women he loves them.
spice4life Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Wow! It was a gift from God that he left his cell phone in your car. Yikes! Now you know that this guy is a total douche! Yuck.
weedsandposies Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Don't tell and risk your marriage. You have nothing to gain by doing so. The other women are responsible for their own sexual health. Throw the phone in the mail or leave it somewhere for him to get it. Move on.
Recommended Posts