brittneyfoster Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 me: I said "You're not over it" and he was like "She has a bad attitude and I am glad I don't have to deal with anymore. I don't see myself with her right now because of how she treats me and I doubt that will ever change. So no not right now. I know that she can't give me what I need or she would have. Why should I settle for her not giving me what I need anymore? I deserve to be happy and be with someone who will love and support me and that's what I want." He's mentioned her a few times, and that's cool but my goodness...I don't want to talk about it too much. SMH. Also I feel like him saying "right now" is a red flag.
Star Gazer Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 It doesn't sound like he's over her, as his ex-wife/girlfriend/partner/whatever. However, I'm curious why you're referring to her as his kids' mother. She'll always be his kids' mother, and therefore she'll likely come in conversation more than your average ex would.
SuperGeek Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Being close to my mid 30s (male), I definitely can relate to your post. I have tried on two occasions dating a woman with kids and it has not worked out for me. The break down wasn't the kids as you often might think. The kids were great and I looked forward to hanging out with them. The breakdown occurred due to the constant nagging and drama caused by the ex boyfriend/husband. The first guy was in denial about his wife divorcing him and would try to start up drama with me and get me to break up with her (it eventually worked sadly). I just don't have enough patience to deal with drama at my age. The second guy was a good guy actually but he was too close to the family and was always around us. The guy was always present and best friends with her parents, family, relatives, etc. It was just too much for me to handle and I eventually felt like the third wheel and wasting my time. Why am I replying to your thread? Well, my advice is to make sure you can handle dating someone with kids. Make sure you can take on the whole package (the guy, kids, AND the EX). The EX is the hardest part to get used to. The rest of it is workable if only the EXs would just be normal (rarely the case). Dating single dads or moms is very difficult if you're without kids yourself. Make sure you are willing to take on the baggage with this sort of relationship so you don't waste your time or your partner's time. I have decided at this time I'm not dating women with kids. Yes, not likely a popular decision here, but I arrived at it with a lot of thought and making two attempts at it. This decision I'll re-visit again in another five years if I'm still single by then (hope not :/). Some may be upset to read this decision, but consider that I'm not wasting some girl's time leading her on while I'm trying to figure out what I want. Main Point: OP You have to be willing to deal with all the baggage of dating a single dad and he will always talk about her the rest of your days with him. He will have to interact with her forever because she's the mother of his kids. It's the way it is, so you have to accept it for what it is or get out. SuperGeek
Phantom888 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Men without kids should not date women without kids, and vice versa. Only divorced parents can relate to such dynamics. Yes it's awful that he talks about his ex so much, but the ex will always be in the picture as long as the kids are still minors. 1
ltjg45 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Men without kids should not date women without kids, and vice versa. Only divorced parents can relate to such dynamics. Yes it's awful that he talks about his ex so much, but the ex will always be in the picture as long as the kids are still minors. Umm......why would you say that? Would that be the most preferred situation for dating for basically anyone?
Ami1uwant Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Its hard to judge without knowing the context. He has kids with an ex. Why did the break up happehn, how long did it happen and how much conflict is there with raising the kids? If she is someone who is very controling and trying to screw him with kids then he is going to be pissed about this and vent. Actually those who can freely talk about their past relationships are the ones who are past those relationships. the ones who cant talk about them are the ones who arent past.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Men without kids should not date women without kids, and vice versa. Only divorced parents can relate to such dynamics. Yes it's awful that he talks about his ex so much, but the ex will always be in the picture as long as the kids are still minors. I hate these judgemental statements. Having a kid is not what matters. Its the relationship with the childs father/mother that is important. That goes for an ex bf/gf as well. The kid part is irrelevant.
Phantom888 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Umm......why would you say that? Would that be the most preferred situation for dating for basically anyone? I think I said it wrong. Hehehehe... Men without kids should NOT date women WITH kids, and vice versa. You all know what I mean.
Phantom888 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I hate these judgemental statements. Having a kid is not what matters. Its the relationship with the childs father/mother that is important. That goes for an ex bf/gf as well. The kid part is irrelevant. That is sooooooooo wrong. I mean, unless the parent has some major screwed up priority issues, the kid(s) will ALWAYS be top priority. People without kids do not understand this....well...they can try to understand it, but it really makes no sense unless you are a parent. Kids come first. Relationship comes second. Because kids' other parent (the Ex) plays such an important role, there is no way to eliminate the Ex from the equation as long as the kids require parenting. Can potential partners accept this fact?
shexy Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I don't have kids, and don't really want to date guys with kids, however, in my age group, that's a pretty tall order. I have two good friends who have recently married men with kids, and now they're stepmoms - neither friend has bio kids of their own. One friend's husband has an ex wife that is a basket case. She's always begging them for money, won't take her kids when she's supposed to etc...... My other friend's husband has a drama free ex and they all get along, but it's not too close for comfort. So, I think it's a toss up. If you're uncomfortable with the ex in the picture so much, you shouldn't date a guy with kids. If you can accept that his ex will always be a part of his, your, and the kids lives, it can work out great. 1
undergroundlife13 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 That is sooooooooo wrong. I mean, unless the parent has some major screwed up priority issues, the kid(s) will ALWAYS be top priority. People without kids do not understand this....well...they can try to understand it, but it really makes no sense unless you are a parent. Kids come first. Relationship comes second. Because kids' other parent (the Ex) plays such an important role, there is no way to eliminate the Ex from the equation as long as the kids require parenting. Can potential partners accept this fact? Actually i have a kid. Being with someone should have nothing to do with the fact they have a kid.
Author brittneyfoster Posted June 19, 2013 Author Posted June 19, 2013 I also have a child so his having children is not a deal breaker at all for me. However, talking about her IMO too much has led me to believe that he still has feelings for her especially since he said "Right now" like how she is and who she is doesn't work for him. In other words, if she were to change tomorrow for the better, he would consider giving it another try. That's what I took from it anyway. Soooooo....
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