JLP123 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 and half years. We met online and I moved across the country to be with him within a year of meeting him. He's not the only reason I moved...I wanted badly to leave where I was; he was just the perfect reason. Anyways, I was 19 and went from living with my parents to living with my boyfriend and two partying roommates (when I was too young to drink). He was 22 and had just gotten back from a tour of duty in Iraq, and while I wanted things to get more serious after a couple years (marriage), he just wanted to live as a young guy...things got bad, we broke up for a few days, and I moved out for a few months. As things improved, we decided that I should move back in. After about two years, he graduated college and the time came to move from the beach city we were living in, to the much more rural place where he grew up. We got our own apartment with no roommates. We have been living here for about a year and a half. In the time we have been together, my best friend has gotten married and is currently pregnant, three of his good friends' wives have become pregnant, one good friend of his has gotten married (he is one of the friends with a now pregnant wife). At this point, my boyfriend is 25, I am 22 and beginning a career program for school in the the fall (already have a college degree, just not the right one), and he is planning on buying a house within the next few months. However, I am completely BORED. I am not even excited for our friends because I am bitter that we have been together for so long, been through so much, have a wonderful relationship, and yet are not engaged or married (I do NOT want kids at this point, and neither does he... I am just frustrated that everyone else is moving on with their lives and it feels like I am sitting still). He says his plan is to buy a house first and be financially stable before entering a marriage. Which, I completely think is a very mature mindset. We do not have the money for a really awesome party wedding like we would want right now, but I am so frustrated with waiting. He also travels for his job, and has been gone 4 of 6 months of this year. All of the waiting has been incredibly hard on me, as I am not satisfied with my current job, don't have many friends, and the only real joy I get out of life is when I have him here to do things with and spend time with. Basically, I am thinking daily of what single life would be like, even though I have no desire to throw away the wonderful relationship I have with him. I feel like I am stuck between a rock and hard place. I'm not sure what to do to ease my mind, short of just waiting it out and waiting for other things to happen to occupy my mind. I am also wondering how long I should wait if the "progress" I want in our relationship never happens. Edited June 18, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs
outsidethebox Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 If you got married what would change? You would be happier as a bored wife than a bored gf? I doubt it. You need to do things you like and engage in life, not live for an engagement. Planning for a wedding is only a temporary diversion. 3
KatZee Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 You need to make a life for yourself. Believe me you do NOT want to be married at 22 years old. It really doesn't matter what everyone else is doing, who else is pregnant, or how long you guys have been together. Marriage isn't something you do because you've been together X amount of years, or because everyone else is doing it and you feel you need to keep up with everyone else. I guarantee that if these people are your age 22, they will be dealing with divorces within the next 5-10 years. That is just way too young to be settling down, especially since you're still growing and changing immensely. You need to get out and make friends. Do new things, explore life. You can't just sit alone in an apartment by yourself for 4-6 months on end, twiddling your thumbs waiting for your only source of entertainment to come home. You also don't need to be single to get out and have a great time.
FitChick Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 If you are bored and living in the country, learn to garden. Then learn to cook the delicious foods you grow. I think your relationship has run its course. Decide what it was you were supposed to learn about yourself and relationships by being with him and move on.
ses Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I may be the outlier of the group but I don't think marriage at 22 is an automatic recipe for divorce. Sure, you're young, but I have several friends who married at 18 and just had their first children. I also know of several high school and college friends who married between the ages of 20-25, and are still together with their husbands. People do change and mature as they age, but everyone us different. Yes, there's a higher probability but I wouldn't discourage it if you were in a committed and stable relationship. The problem that I see is that you're bored. The relationship is in its final stages and you need to acknowledge it. You've already checked out of it. Don't force a commitment with someone when you feel nothing. You'll just grow to resent him and the relationship. Find interests outside of him instead of preoccupying your thoughts at the lack of a formal title. It's antequated but you don't need to have your M.R.S right now. Find someone who energizes your passions, and who keeps you excited and invested in the relationship. Don't compare yourself to others. That's unfair and unhealthy. Do what you want on your own terms and at your own pace. Enjoy yourself. Marriage and children bring in a host of new and challenging responsibilities. Don't steamroll ahead, especially when you feel obligated to do so. Take a relationship moment by moment, day by day, and don't pencil on your future too soon!
shexy Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Dont' get married just because your friends are getting married. That's not a good enough reason. What happens when you discuss it with him? Has he ever mentioned getting engaged or married? It's good to find out now if he has any intention of marrying you. You're both still pretty young, you may not think so, but you are very young. Don't be in such a rush. Enjoy your young years :-) 1
Recommended Posts