Anna29 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Hello, I am new to the online/long distance dating. I just recently ended a 7 year relationship. I have been chatting with a man I met through an online game, we text and Skype everyday. I have been upfront with him about being newly single and still getting over my past relationship, but he has informed me that he is willing to go through that with me to see where this goes. I have never been one to look at online dating as an option because chemistry doesn't always transfer to IRL in which case both parties involved are heart broken. However, he is a great man and we get along great, somedays I am really into him and others I am not. Which I feel may be either my emotional state as far as my break up and my fears about meeting him or it may just be that im not that into him...he is also very sure that this is going to lead to a great relationship and that scares me that he is so sure. I don't want to hurt him, but if I want to see where this goes I'm going to have to take that risk. Trying to keep this as brief as possible but should I just take a step back from this or should I risk the possibility of both of us being disappointed? My fear is that he had a woman hurt him a few years back and he has just now started dating again and I do not want to be the second girl that hurts him and causes him to stop dating because of it......
HeavenOrHell Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I think you should gently tell him to take all expectations off as you don't know how things will be when you meet IRL. Hello, I am new to the online/long distance dating. I just recently ended a 7 year relationship. I have been chatting with a man I met through an online game, we text and Skype everyday. I have been upfront with him about being newly single and still getting over my past relationship, but he has informed me that he is willing to go through that with me to see where this goes. I have never been one to look at online dating as an option because chemistry doesn't always transfer to IRL in which case both parties involved are heart broken. However, he is a great man and we get along great, somedays I am really into him and others I am not. Which I feel may be either my emotional state as far as my break up and my fears about meeting him or it may just be that im not that into him...he is also very sure that this is going to lead to a great relationship and that scares me that he is so sure. I don't want to hurt him, but if I want to see where this goes I'm going to have to take that risk. Trying to keep this as brief as possible but should I just take a step back from this or should I risk the possibility of both of us being disappointed? My fear is that he had a woman hurt him a few years back and he has just now started dating again and I do not want to be the second girl that hurts him and causes him to stop dating because of it...... 2
Author Anna29 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 Thank you, after much thought I do think his expectations are a big part of my anxiety, ill be bringing this up later tonight 1
HeavenOrHell Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Before me and my partner met IRL, we both said let's try to not have expectations, but we both knew we would be disappointed if we didn't click like we did on skype/phone, but we said at the very least we'd have made a good friend, and that anything else would be a bonus. It did help to talk about it beforehand. 2
Carenth Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 (edited) I agree with HeavenOrHell. My partner and I refused to say we were in a relationship until we had actually met in person. Say you're in a relationship before you meet and it's really setting you up for a hard fall if things don't translate from online to offline. Even though we acted like a couple before we met we really tried to play it down to not build up any unrealistic expectations that could not be lived up too. It sounds like this guy is building a fantasy relationship in his head. Which is a bit worrying, because fantasy very rarely lines up with reality. You need to talk to him about the reality of the situation, in that a relationship would be great but neither of you will really know how you truly feel about each other until you meet in person. So it would be preemptive jumping the gun into a relationship before that point. For my partner and I we were friends for quite some time before deciding to try for a relationship. So I went over there with the mindset that I was going on a holiday to meet a friend, if it became something more then great. If not I still have a close friend, luckily for us it has worked out so far. Edited June 19, 2013 by Carenth 1
Author Anna29 Posted June 19, 2013 Author Posted June 19, 2013 Thank you all very much! We are def waiting until we meet before we decide if there will be any sort of romantic relationship I did speak with him about his expectations and he agreed that he needed to pull back on the reigns. We will be meeting in Oct, unfortunately money is a factor so just a few more months. But no matter how it all goes we still end up with a great friendship! 1
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