therhythm Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Hi all, I keep reading here in LS how many men and women would not accept their partner to have friends from the opposite sex... do you really expect that the person you are dating should just drop all his/her friends because of your insecurities? Isn't it selfish to ask someone to give up a friendship that has been there years before you even showed up just because you are too insecure to trust the person you are with in a relationship? Please explain this to me, I am still in shock! 1
youngnlove89 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) Hi all, I keep reading here in LS how many men and women would not accept their partner to have friends from the opposite sex... do you really expect that the person you are dating should just drop all his/her friends because of your insecurities? Isn't it selfish to ask someone to give up a friendship that has been there years before you even showed up just because you are too insecure to trust the person you are with in a relationship? Please explain this to me, I am still in shock! I have trust issues, but I do my best to trust until proven guilty. My boyfriend has a few friendships with girls. And a couple were girls he even dated WAY back then. As far his ex's, they don't talk much, but they might text once in awhile to see how things are going. I met one of his friends that was a girl and she was super sweet. I felt no threat from her. It bothered me at first, but when he offered me to meet them it made me more confident that he wasn't hiding anything. Also, I believe it's good for a guy to have girl friends, because believe it or not, they talk about their girlfriend with them to get helpful advice. And girls can talk sense into them and even help the girlfriend out for her benefit. I know I do this with my guy friends, they call me up and ask for advice about their SO and I help them out. I am also friends with many guys and I keep in touch with a few of my ex boyfriends, so I can't call the kettle black. :/ It all comes down to trust. If you prove to a girlfriend that she can trust you, this kind of insecurity lifts away. Don't be sneaky, answer questions if she has any and offer her to meet your girl friends. Edited June 18, 2013 by youngnlove89 1
carhill Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 My boundaries are, as appropriate to a spouse, that the friend and I interact and that it is evident that the friend is a supporter of our union. Beyond that, friend away. Good friends are hard to find and keep in life, IME. As an example of the reverse, with female friends, I hang out with their husbands alone, have a few beers and do 'guy' stuff and I don't accept female 'bitch' sessions about their M's, rather direct them to talk with their husbands or a counselor. I know few people who aren't married, so married folks are where the examples come from.
MissBee Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) I can't explain it because I'm not that way. But I will say that there are two types of insecurities: rational, caused by a person's actions and irrational, caused by one's own inner insecurities. For me, my SO can be friends with whomever they choose, what matters is how they conduct their friendship, if they act appropriately, if they have boundaries and if they practice transparency. If they do these things then I don't feel insecure. If I feel insecure, 9/10 times it's because the behavior of the other person is raising red flags and my spidey-senses are tingling. I have male friends, but tbh my closest friends are females. A few are strictly platonic and have only ever been that way. Some of my other male friends are guys who liked me at one point or I them, we may have dated briefly or not, and they're around as people I talk to. So knowing that, I definitely have the boundaries in place when I'm in an exclusive relationship. When I'm in a relationship and when my male friends are, all of us make it transparent to our partners. If I have a male friend I'd normally call/msg randomly at 2am, if he has a gf, I don't do that because I don't want it to be weird. Likewise, if I'm in a relationship I'm not going to be taking calls at 2am, just to chit chat, not gonna sleep over my male friends' homes (although I don't do that anyway) and other things which can put me in a compromising position and disrespect my relationship. I respect my relationship and communicate with my partner about what we're comfortable with and I haven't had any problems with opposite sex friendships. Edited June 18, 2013 by MissBee
Recommended Posts