RiceaRoni Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 It's a long story but about a month ago I reconnected with a guy I haven't seen since middle school. (I'm 19 now) and he's turning 20 soon. We began talking and were happy to talk to each other once again. He lives in a city about an hour away from mine so we couldnt see each other often. anyways, he's getting ready to go off into navy bootcamp and is going to be in the Navy 20 years. When we reconnected he told me he had found out how I liked him in middle school, and I didnt deny it, I did, but when we started talking again I started to fall once more. He came into town one day for his cousin's graduation and decided he'd take me out on a date the whole day. we got along fine, but things kinda got messy towards the end of the date when he kissed me and we kinda got physical (but no sex). The next day he asked to see me again before he went back to his town and I agreed I'd go see him...well the same things happened and we ended up talking..he said he sees me as a great friend..and I said friend? Then he told me he'd make a promise to me that when he went out on his first tour into the Navy he'd promise we'd be together at least after the first year...I agreed to it. The day after things became very complicated when he called almost in tears saying he had to put our promise "on hold" because he's scared of being hurt like he was in his last relationship 6 mo ago. she had cheated on him twice and he called it quits. i told him I'd never do that, but he said he needed to get to know me better and felt like he rushed things when he came into town that day...I agreed.. couple of weeks pass and he asked me to go to his town to visit him and I did..I spent two days at his house, and during those two days things also became messy...the second day we were laying down on his bed when he told me that he didnt want me to wait for him, that he didnt want me to worry about him when he was away...i asked him if there was another reason behind this like did he not like me anymore? but he had told me he liked me very much...I became so confused...I told him I was willing to wait for him and that was what our promise was about in the first place, and I asked him why he was trying so hard to talk me out of waiting for him, and he had said he just didnt want me waiting for him anymore.. anywho we went out to dinner, and he said the most upsetting thing was "What if I change my mind?" he meant about us...I became upset...and he apologized saying it was just a thought and he didnt mean it.. We went back to his house...and I was packing to leave when he began kissing me again and things became physical once more..(no. no sex at all) and I told him I was always gonna be there for him no matter what, that I liked him very much and cared a lot about him..he said he felt the same.. A week after that...I started overthinking everything he had said while I was there, and I became scared that he would back out and leave..so I called him and told him my concerns...I told him I had felt led on, and I asked him how he felt about me..he said about 20% and after 3 months of trying to get to know someone if he didnt feel anything he'd leave them...he said it applied to me too, but it makes me confused because he had said he wanted to make that "promise" anyways...I told him how I felt and that I really liked him...he said I was falling too fast and he felt rushed and felt that I was trying to push him...I told him no, I wasnt trying to do those things...i was just confused by everything he has been saying. Now, he hardly talks to me anymore, and doesnt talk or open up the way he used to with me...I feel like Ive messed so much up that we'd never be able to establish anything with one another.. please help? I apologize for the long story.
KatZee Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 It really sounds like you're begging this guy to be with you. You gotta back off and stop. You're coming off needy and desperate. He's basically trying to weasel out of something with you and you keep saying you're going to "wait for him" and all this nonsense. NEVER wait a man. NEVER. Especially if he's not even committing to you. His "promise" means nothing, they're merely words. You can't convince someone to be with you, especially someone who doesn't sound all that into it to begin with. He also pretty much admitted as much that he's still not over his ex. Let him go. Let him do whatever he's doing overseas. If he comes back home at some point and wants to start something then I guess debate whether you want to or not, but for now just move on with your life. Don't sit around for a year with your life on hold waiting for a guy who isn't even half way interested in you. 2
Author RiceaRoni Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 It really sounds like you're begging this guy to be with you. You gotta back off and stop. You're coming off needy and desperate. He's basically trying to weasel out of something with you and you keep saying you're going to "wait for him" and all this nonsense. NEVER wait a man. NEVER. Especially if he's not even committing to you. His "promise" means nothing, they're merely words. You can't convince someone to be with you, especially someone who doesn't sound all that into it to begin with. He also pretty much admitted as much that he's still not over his ex. Let him go. Let him do whatever he's doing overseas. If he comes back home at some point and wants to start something then I guess debate whether you want to or not, but for now just move on with your life. Don't sit around for a year with your life on hold waiting for a guy who isn't even half way interested in you. Is it okay to keep talking to him? He texts me at least a couple times a day.. And we used to Skype every night, but lately he hasn't called at all..
KatZee Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Is it okay to keep talking to him? He texts me at least a couple times a day.. And we used to Skype every night, but lately he hasn't called at all.. I mean what are you hoping to get out of talking to him? Do you want to be friendzoned? Are you hoping one day he'll "change his mind" if he sees how cool you are? Are you fine just being a friend to him?
Author RiceaRoni Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 I don't even know how to talk to him anymore... He's very distant now, and I encourage him throughout his training and helping him, I've calmed down and realize my mistake, but I think it's just a lost cause
StraylightRun24 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Quick Answer: No you didn't mess anything up. From reading your story it seems that he's the one who is all over the place. One minute he's promising you one thing and the next he seems to be pushing you away. Just my two cents.... 1
KatZee Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I don't even know how to talk to him anymore... He's very distant now, and I encourage him throughout his training and helping him, I've calmed down and realize my mistake, but I think it's just a lost cause He's kind of fresh out of a break up, he doesn't know what he's doing. Stop acting like a girlfriend and being there for him in that capacity. It's nothing you did, he's just not where you are in terms of wanting a relationship. I'd say let this one go, you're not going to get what you want out of it. And him being distant is an indication that he doesn't want to be in contact with you, so you have to stop reaching out. 1
Author RiceaRoni Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 He's kind of fresh out of a break up, he doesn't know what he's doing. Stop acting like a girlfriend and being there for him in that capacity. It's nothing you did, he's just not where you are in terms of wanting a relationship. I'd say let this one go, you're not going to get what you want out of it. And him being distant is an indication that he doesn't want to be in contact with you, so you have to stop reaching out. He's been the one to always initiate the text messaging...he still does.. But they're very simple texts.. But you're right about trying to act as a gf... I mean he Thanks me when I encourage him, but still you're right about him creating something that he can't handle...
Author RiceaRoni Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 I mean what are you hoping to get out of talking to him? Do you want to be friendzoned? Are you hoping one day he'll "change his mind" if he sees how cool you are? Are you fine just being a friend to him? I don't want to be friend zoned...
Author RiceaRoni Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 And there's no point in telling him how I feel is there? maybe it's a hot/cold thing or pushpull... I could tell he isn't over what his ex did to him... He told me every girl he's been with they've left him rather than him leaving them. And I tried telling him I'm not that type of girl, but I guess he doesn't get it.
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