SgwenF Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I started dating this guy earlier this month. We hit it off, get along and over all enjoy each others company. But it was recently discovered he is five weeks post break up from a year and half long relationship. Now I have only been in one serious relationship that ended over three years ago. This guy is very sweet, affectionate, and easily expresses how excited he feels about me. While it would be nice to accept his compliments... I can't help but feel that after three weeks of dating... how could anyone post break up truly feel this way? Do men recover faster than women? Getting involved with an emotionally unstable person is risky... is it worth it? What are some of your rebound stories?
Leegh Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I think it's too early to tell. He could have lost feelings for her during their relationship, but didn't break up with her, as it's hard to end things sometimes. He may have cared about her some, but not madly in love with her. I would continue to notice is actions with you, as usually when men come on very strong initially it can fade fairly quickly. Usually slow and steady wins the race. Try to take a date at a time and use your good instincts, and be alert to red flags.
Phantom888 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 As stated above, it could be anything at this point. Needless to say, try to be observant. If things were bad enough that he left the relationship, there would be no incentive to "rebound" because things were really bad. Usually rebounds happen when people are so comfortable within their relationship that it's hard to adjust being alone. See how the last relationship ended, and under what circumstances.
SJC2008 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Rebounders are weak people, they can't face their pain and will use someone as an emotional band aid. I've been someones rebound before and the tell tale signs are that they're actions don't match their words. She was honest with me and said she didn't know what she wanted and just wanted to date. Well, she initiated so much contact and even planned one of our dates I thought she was comming around. Long story short I realized it wasn't real and things fell apart. I do admit fault in not bailing after she said she didn't know what she was looking for on our 3rd date.TBS she used the fact Inwas looking for an R to keep me around so she's no saint. No two situations are alike so it's hard to say what his intentions are. I'd stay away from the situation alltogether given he's fresh out of an R.
lop98 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 SJC, out of mere curiosity (this topic's been in my head for months), did you know she had recently been in a relationship or did you find out about this later? and if you knew, did you ever think she could be rebounding despite coming off as 'coming around'?
slinkcat Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I think it depends on many things. It may have been dragging out for months before it ended so he could quite easily get into another relationship. I was married for over 10 years but spent the last 6 yrs wanting out of it and when I finally managed to I started dating again pretty soon. Sometimes we stay in relationships even when we're unhappy, feel alone and don't love the person. You should ask him and tell him it worries you. If your to have any kind of future together you need to be able to be honest and true about everything that concerns you. HTH.
SJC2008 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 SJC, out of mere curiosity (this topic's been in my head for months), did you know she had recently been in a relationship or did you find out about this later? and if you knew, did you ever think she could be rebounding despite coming off as 'coming around'? I knew she was about 6 months removed from her first and only R, a long one at 7 years. That was my first mistake but I'm giving myself a hall pass in that I was pretty inexp'd w dating. We met online. Her profile said wants to date but nothing serious but had words like relationship and partner so I thought she was open to the possiblity of an R. Up until the 3rd date she showed no clear signs that I was a rebound. Toward the end of our 3rd date I asked her what does she look for in an R and she said she didn't know what she wanted and she wanted to date around. I should of bailed as we had different goals but I didn't think I was invested enough to get hurt so I stuck around to gain more dating exp and because she was showing interest. Anyway, we had two more dates and it became clear to me on our last date that I was a rebound when she invited me over for Cristmas with a look of pain on her face, and she also brought up her ex for only the 2nd time and said she was still talking to him when we met about 6 weeks prior. We had a big misunderstanding a few dates later and went our separate ways. Looking back, I should of bailed after my 3rd date and I take responsibility for that. Her saying she didn't know what she wanted and wanted to date around was code for I need attention/sex. I got really hurt becuase that was the most interest a woman ever showed in me and the longest courtship of my life (6 weeks) and it wasn't real. I'm a late bloomer if you don't know my hist, 31 yrs old. 1
shexy Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Its not a man or woman thing - each individual gets over relationships differently. He could really be that genuinely excited about you. Maybe he was already out of love with his ex, so it didn't take long to get over her. Or, it could be he's not over her, but he's sure he doesn't want her back so he's ready to move on. It could be any number of things..... I have 2 exes in my life I'm not over and I'll never get over. One of them was a bf from 20 years ago :-\ I try not to date too soon after getting out of a relationship - it just hasn't ever worked out for me. But it can work out for others.
Recommended Posts