talking to ex while in new relationship...

[taonow]

So i ended things with my ex back in October. She had cheated on me and although she was truly sorry because she had zero feelings for the guy and she was drinking, it just bothered me to the point of break up. I really did still love the girl though. I just kept bringing it up. And eventually she had enough of feeling guilty for it and I had enough of thinking about it that I pushed us over the edge. So sad because I truly believe we both still loved each other.

 

So now, forward to March and I start talking to someone else. At this point me and my ex had cut off communication since January completely. This new girl is pretty cool and we hit it off really well. Things kind of escalate quickly though. And before I know it, she's telling me she loves me. And i find myself saying it back. But the feelings aren't even close to what I felt for my ex.

 

Now here I am in June, and we're pretty much a couple now. Not "facebook official", but there's enough photos of us together on there that it looks like it. Then i heard of my ex seeing all the photos and hearing about it and how devastated she was. It killed me to hear that.. So I texted her for the first time since January. I asked her how she was doing and we made small talk. She didn't bring up the new girl and neither did I. But all I know now is that I miss her.

 

The girl im with now told me that she was worried I still had feelings for my ex but I lied and reassured her that I didn't. I'm just so confused. I honestly want to just call my ex and ask to see her again but then I'm giving up everything I've built with this new girl. Plus, who knows if we'd be able to make it work again. Then I'd just be left with no body, which might not be the worst option actually.

 

I dont know... i just need some advice.

[Estate]

So i ended things with my ex back in October. She had cheated on me and although she was truly sorry because she had zero feelings for the guy and she was drinking, it just bothered me to the point of break up. I really did still love the girl though. I just kept bringing it up. And eventually she had enough of feeling guilty for it and I had enough of thinking about it that I pushed us over the edge. So sad because I truly believe we both still loved each other.

 

So now, forward to March and I start talking to someone else. At this point me and my ex had cut off communication since January completely. This new girl is pretty cool and we hit it off really well. Things kind of escalate quickly though. And before I know it, she's telling me she loves me. And i find myself saying it back. But the feelings aren't even close to what I felt for my ex.

 

Now here I am in June, and we're pretty much a couple now. Not "facebook official", but there's enough photos of us together on there that it looks like it. Then i heard of my ex seeing all the photos and hearing about it and how devastated she was. It killed me to hear that.. So I texted her for the first time since January. I asked her how she was doing and we made small talk. She didn't bring up the new girl and neither did I. But all I know now is that I miss her.

 

The girl im with now told me that she was worried I still had feelings for my ex but I lied and reassured her that I didn't. I'm just so confused. I honestly want to just call my ex and ask to see her again but then I'm giving up everything I've built with this new girl. Plus, who knows if we'd be able to make it work again. Then I'd just be left with no body, which might not be the worst option actually.

 

I dont know... i just need some advice.

 

You broke up for a reason.

All excuses aside she did what she did and it is slimey and you will never let that go. You're bringing up old emotions now and it's not helping.

 

If you got back with her, I guarantee within a week you'll feel bad again and wonder who else she is/has been hooking up with since October.

 

Just don't go there... you're not at the same point with the new girl but it may come, I've been there where I felt 1-2-3-4-5 months into another relationship I'm comparing them to my ex but then it just clicks that this new person is just so much better.

 

And even if she isn't and it doesn't work out, no big deal but don't go back, it's not worth it.

[sweetheart5381]

So i ended things with my ex back in October. She had cheated on me and although she was truly sorry because she had zero feelings for the guy and she was drinking, it just bothered me to the point of break up. I really did still love the girl though. I just kept bringing it up. And eventually she had enough of feeling guilty for it and I had enough of thinking about it that I pushed us over the edge. So sad because I truly believe we both still loved each other.

 

So now, forward to March and I start talking to someone else. At this point me and my ex had cut off communication since January completely. This new girl is pretty cool and we hit it off really well. Things kind of escalate quickly though. And before I know it, she's telling me she loves me. And i find myself saying it back. But the feelings aren't even close to what I felt for my ex.

 

Now here I am in June, and we're pretty much a couple now. Not "facebook official", but there's enough photos of us together on there that it looks like it. Then i heard of my ex seeing all the photos and hearing about it and how devastated she was. It killed me to hear that.. So I texted her for the first time since January. I asked her how she was doing and we made small talk. She didn't bring up the new girl and neither did I. But all I know now is that I miss her.

 

The girl im with now told me that she was worried I still had feelings for my ex but I lied and reassured her that I didn't. I'm just so confused. I honestly want to just call my ex and ask to see her again but then I'm giving up everything I've built with this new girl. Plus, who knows if we'd be able to make it work again. Then I'd just be left with no body, which might not be the worst option actually.

 

I dont know... i just need some advice.

 

Tough call.

 

The new girl deserves to know the truth.. let her make a decision for herself. Being a rebound hurts like a bitch, at least let her know what she is in for.

 

Tell the new girl, let her decide.

 

Something tells me you arent ready for a relationship anyway.

[RogerWallace111]

There are about to be a series of responses saying that you need to break up with your current girlfriend. And, yes, realistically, that would likely be the best course. And the being alone part too. As much as it blows.

 

I feel for you though. I got out of a long term relationship in september, and the next girl that came into my life had me tempted to start "seeing" her. But I knew I wasn't really into her and reluctantly went back to lone ranger status as to not lead her on or lie to myself. Even though the sex/validation felt nice. I've told myself I won't get into a real relationship with any girl I find myself less drawn to than I was my ex... And I like to think I'll be able to stick to that. But at the same time there's another type of wisdom that might say taking a shot at things & giving them time is wise. Though in your situation I suppose you've reached your conclusion and that further acceptance of her love and affection is thus deceitful (even though you don't have malevolent motives). It can be hard to turn away a girl who's in love with you even if you don't feel the same feelings for her. But I suppose it's, in theory, ultimately, the best choice for you and her. Even taking the consideration for others out of it- you don't want to waste your time in a relationship you're not fully invested in and finally have the last of it down the line, when you could have been moving forward all along instead.

 

And I wouldn't recommend getting back with your ex, that sh*t rarely works from what I've experienced/seen. Even with lesser issues than some drunken cheating.

Edited June 18, 2013 by RogerWallace111

[taonow]

Thanks for the responses. Definitely helpful getting different perspectives on the situation. Helping the picture become a little clearer.

[D-Lish]

Then I'd just be left with no body, which might not be the worst option actually.

 

If being alone is a worse option than being with a cheater, or being with someone that you don't love- I don't think you have things right with yourself.

[SuperGeek]

Your ex's character and trustworthiness have suffered major blows by her actions of cheating. I don't care what her excuses are (drinking, she didn't like the guy, etc, etc), she still cheated and no amount of bloviating can mitigate her actions. Let's be clear, she BANGED ANOTHER GUY BEHIND YOUR BACK MAN. ( I said this for shock value so you really think about it and not some sugar coated way ).

 

Seriously, could you really trust your ex at this point? You'd be looking over your shoulder the rest of your life wondering if she's banging some other guy. Relationships are built on a solid foundation of trust and honesty and that went out the window as soon as she sat on another pole. Don't be the reason she cheats again by getting back with her, because she won't learn a damn thing. She made her decision and it's a line that shouldn't be crossed. It's tough cookies for her, regardless of why she did it.

 

Don't let the passage of time decrease the seriousness of her betrayal. Time passing has a way of healing hurt from the past, but it doesn't mean we have to necessarily forget the past.

 

"He who forgets history is doomed (or condemned) to repeat it',

--George Santayana

 

Do not go back to your ex man. There is nothing down that road. Your ex has been with other guys and that old life you once had with her is over. It can't ever go back to the way it was, even if you moved in with her today. It's forever changed by her actions. You can't repair a broken mirror very well. You can try, but it's always got the cracks in it no matter how good the repair is. Cracked mirrors are filmsy and have weak stability -- this isn't what you want. Think it through.

 

Maybe confide in your new girlfriend a bit and let her know you were hurt by your last girlfriend and explain she cheated on you. If she's ever been cheated on herself she will understand. If you do confide in her, be ready to say you AREN'T GOING BACK TO YOUR EX. This is a true statement, because you aren't, right? Maybe you need to say that to her so you can keep yourself from going back to a woman that hurt you. Sounds like she might need some reassurance anyway based on your post.

 

Good luck

Edited June 18, 2013 by SuperGeek

[KatZee]

Being left with no one right now is honestly your best option. Your starting your new relationship off all wrong. It's based on lies, and you're emotionally unavailable to her right now.

 

Please don't be THAT guy who leads women on only to drop them months/years down the line. Be honest with her. Tell her you enjoy the time you spend together but you're not as over your ex as you thought you were. She'll respect you a hell of a lot more if you just own up and tell the truth now.

 

It's going to be a huge s.hit storm down the line if she finds out you've been in contact with your ex this entire time, and believe me, her radar is already going off for the fact she said, "I feel you still have feelings for your ex."

[Joaquin]

Get your head straight.

 

If yr new gf lied about contact with an ex and met up with him behind yr back, would u take that messing? Or would u leave her? Its all a very deceitful way to be conducting oneself trying to build something new. How can there be trust.

 

My guess tho is that u arent really trying to build anything with the new girl.

 

And yr getting away with this because.... yr a liar. No more no less.

[mammasita]

The main point I'm taking from this is that you're being extremely unfair to this new girl. Let her go so she can find someone who DOES have the feelings for her that you aren't able to feel.

[phineas]

I won't waste my time on people who are still in contact with an ex.

 

I always talk of women being shady.

Now you are being shady.

[taonow]

Alright there's more to the story than i really mentioned. I hope you read the rest of this people and give one more opinion.

 

So this "new" girl im talking about is actually a really old gf. From like 4 years ago. And plus shes moving 6 hours away from me in 3 weeks from now. We've known each other for a long time and I do love her. It's like, I definitely have feelings for her, but I definitely still have stronger feelings for this recent ex. And shes going to be living right near me.

 

Does this change the dynamic?

[AMusing]

You know you need to break up with "new girl" (AKA, "older ex girlfriend"). There's nothing in either of your posts to say otherwise. Whether you try to reunite with October-ex or not can be your own mistake, but don't drag "new girl" into this mess.

 

A small piece of unsolicited advice: do you know how many women there are in the world? Quit cycling between exes!

[Emilia]

I won't waste my time on people who are still in contact with an ex.

but you are in contact with an ex