First date...and haven't heard from him. s are so appreciated.

[lillybear1]

So, I am a bit desperate for unbiased advice, so I am going to spell it all out here.

 

I'm 20. Female, college student. I haven't been on a date in 3 years because I just haven't had time, but I finally made an exception for this guy I met via online dating. We've been talking for the past 3 months, our conversations were lengthy and awesome, he could always make me laugh, so when he asked me to meet up, I thought about it and figured heck, why not? So, we did. I was pretty nervous because it had been forever since I had been on a date. That was made SO much worse by the fact that he is not very photogenic aka I quickly realized that I felt very out of my league. He was super cute! So, after we sat down after ordering our food, I mellowed a bit and I think it was a bit less obvious how terribly nervous I was. The conversation was pretty awkward at first on both of our parts (even though he seemed calm and collected), with several awkward pauses, but it got so much better 15 minutes or so into the date and we started having good conversation like I was used to with him. I said that I had somewhere to be at 730, so our date lasted about an hour and fifteen minutes. He walked me to my car and lingered for a second and then I said that it was nice to meet him and he gave me a hug and I headed out.

 

Since, I kinda can't stop thinking about it and how it will turn out which is made worse by the fact that the dude hasn't followed up at all. He hasn't been on the online dating site, and it was my turn to message back on that anyway, but he has been on Facebook. It's been 2 and a half days and he doesn't seem like the player type, so what's his deal? Was the hug actually a bad sign?

 

I feel like I may have made it worse. I paid for my own meal, I drove myself, and our goodbye was pretty short, but I feel like I definitely showed that I enjoyed the conversation.

 

So, maybe he thinks I'm not interested? Or is he just not interested? What should I do? Text him or wait it out? UGH. Dating is hard lol

[lillybear1]

The title is supposed to say "replies are so appreciate." sorry about that.

[chphan]

It happens. Sometimes online chemistry doesn't flow to real life. Sometimes the attraction you develop doesn't carry over to real life. Give 1 or 2 more days and if he still doesn't respond than it mean he's avoiding you because it wasn't there for him no matter how much you think the first meeting went for you.

[Eternal Sunshine]

He is not interested. They follow it up immediately when they are.

[Imajerk17]

I was wondering if that you said you had somewhere to go at 7:30 (after only an hour and fifteen minutes) showed low interest on your part. You'd be surprised how often that causes guys to not follow up. We don't like rejection either.

 

We dudes sometimes talk about our dates with our friends too. If a friend told me he went on a date with a girl who "had to leave" after an hour and fifteen minutes and he asked me for my take, I would say that she doesn't sound interested.

 

All is not lost though. Text him and ask how he is doing, let him know you really did have a good time with him. It is taking a risk but what do you have to lose.

Edited June 18, 2013 by Imajerk17

[Eternal Sunshine]

Just to add on, I had the same situation recently...as in there was somewhere I needed to be at 7:30, 90 mins after I met up with a guy. Since things were going well and he suggested moving on to another venue, I just told him "I have to rush off to meet with few friends for dinner....but I definitely want to continue this conversation another time" (just so that he knows I was interested). And he was in contact 2 hours later

[Imajerk17]

Just to add on, I had the same situation recently...as in there was somewhere I needed to be at 7:30, 90 mins after I met up with a guy. Since things were going well and he suggested moving on to another venue, I just told him "I have to rush off to meet with few friends for dinner....but I definitely want to continue this conversation another time" (just so that he knows I was interested). And he was in contact 2 hours later

 

The bolded is key though.

[lillybear1]

Thanks for all the replies thus far! So basically, I very well may have sent the wrong signals. I.e., that I am not interested, when really I am?

[Imajerk17]

Thanks for all the replies thus far! So basically, I very well may have sent the wrong signals. I.e., that I am not interested, when really I am?

 

From the way you described what happened, I would go with yes, it is not only quite possible, but actually likely you sent the signal of not being interested.

 

If you are on fb follow up with a message (where you can be longer than in a text) explaining what was really happening on your end.

Edited June 18, 2013 by Imajerk17

[KatZee]

If a guy is interested in you, it's kind of not going to matter how you come off, he will still pursue and follow up.

 

I went on my first and second date with the guy I'm talking to now. I'm a slow mover and I take my time to get to know people. We had great dates, he extended those dates, we had good conversation, smiling, laughing, etc...

 

He follow up immediately after both dates and then right after our second date he just asked me straight out if I was interested in him or if I just wanted to be friends because he wasn't sure of the vibe he was getting from me.

 

A guy who's truly interested is going to go balls to the wall to try and get you.

 

I think the fact that the date was so short, it wasn't extended, he didn't follow up... I would take that as he's not interested, and it's not really an indication of what you did or didn't do. He just wasn't feeling a connection.

[thecrucible]

If a guy is interested in you, it's kind of not going to matter how you come off, he will still pursue and follow up.

 

Really? I see what you mean actually. It's easy to over-analyse your own actions and think some little detail is putting him off when really he's just not feeling a connection.

 

OP, this is why I think it's best not to spend too long talking online. You just don't know whether there's chemistry until you meet in person. I've been pretty surprised in the past about which people I feel chemistry with.

[lillybear1]

<Update merged into original thread>

 

Looking back at it and talking to friends, I felt pretty sure that I may not have seemed interested. I drove myself, I paid for my meal, and I cut the date really short. I was also nervous so I didn't flirt at all. So, I decided after day 3 of not hearing from him that I would text him, tell him I'd been busy so I hadn't gotten around to it yet, and thank him for driving to my town to meet and tell him that I did actually enjoy the date. 8 hours later he texts me back. 8 hours....

 

He says that he had a good time too, that he had been super busy as well so it was fine, and said that he ended up going to hang out with friends in the area after the date so he had had fun doing that, too. I wasn't sure what to say or if he wanted to make conversation (but i thought maybe he did since he mentioned that he had ended up going over to a town near mine), but finally, 3 hours later (midnight), I texted him and basically said that I was glad he had fun w/ his friends and at dinner and that I hoped he had a good business trip if that was this week/weekend and put a question mark at the end because I wasn't sure when it was and to maybe initiate conversation. Haven't heard back and it's been over 24 hours.

 

Is he not into me? Or is he maybe into me? What should I do? I know it was pretty late when I texted him and I am really scared that he thinks I don't like him and it was just a courtesy text b/c he knows I'm a polite person.

Edited June 20, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[clia]

He's not interested. Move on.

 

This is why it is very important to meet in person quickly when you are doing online dating. You've now invested three months in this guy, and once you met, he was no longer interested (for whatever reason). If you had met him after talking for a week or two, and this had happened, you likely wouldn't be taking this so hard.

[MidwestUSA]

Agree with clia. Never spend more than a week emailing, texting, or talking on the phone with someone. Meet face to face. You'll avoid a lot of disappointment.

 

OP, I agree, he's not interested. Sorry. And, you need to get those thoughts of people being "out of your league" out of your head! You're intelligent and well spoken. Good luck!

[LinangelyKerbs]

I agree with what everyone said (He's not interested, just move on).

 

Next time you're out on a date (congrats you broke the ice, you should go out and date again) do the following:

 

• Go on a shorter date - 30 minute date (meaning you have to go to a place where you won't have to spend to much time - so you don't have to say I have to leave by a certain time (it's obvious).
  
• Keep the conversation light (don't interogate each other- ask questions like "If you won the lottery today, what would you buy?" -these questions help you observe who he is).
  
• Before meeting up in person (if you found each other online) Skype him once or twice that way you know what he actually looks like.
  
• At the end of the date say "I'd love to go (fill in the place), it'd be nice to go with someone" let him then be the one to say "I'd like to take you". - get that next date .
  

[lillybear1]

*sigh*

 

so, y'all don't think there is any hope at all?

 

I don't get guys. Why hug me and say you had a good time:confused:

[chphan]

*sigh*

 

so, y'all don't think there is any hope at all?

 

I don't get guys. Why hug me and say you had a good time:confused:

 

Good lord. You really need to take a hint. He's not interested it's as plain as simple to everyone else. I get it you like him but he doesn't like you back so accepted it and move on or else you just becoming a stalker.

He's being polite just like he's responding back to you. He just doesn't want to be mean about it. He just want to slowly fade out of the picture without actually telling you direct to your face and be rude about it.

 

As I guy I can tell you I've done that too. And I've had it done to me.

[brandnew2]

Seems like everyone here has covered it but I'll just chime in with my thoughts.

 

Him saying he had a good time is pretty meaningless. I always hug my dates goodbye even if I have no intention of ever talking to them again. So don't read into that superficial stuff.

 

Here's the facts: he made no effort to contact you after the date and didn't seem enthused when you did talk to him. That says everything you need to know.

 

I know it hurts, but it's best just to focus on someone new. I have had days where I met four new women in one day and all four off them didn't want to see me again after the first date.

 

The lesson you should learn is, like others have said, don't wait so long before meeting someone in person. Force yourself out of your comfort zone and meet up sooner. I promise you that whether or not you wait 3 days or 3 months to meet a guy, if he is attracted to you he will like you once you meet and if he isn't he won't.