Phantom888 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 My lady and I spent all weekend together. This was our first full weekend of being together 24/7, since we just met 3 weeks ago. We wanted to try to see if we would get on each others' nerves. Fortunately, we were so happy the weekend zoomed by way too quickly for us. During this weekend, we had a lot of sex, and a lot of time to talk about various topics. She asked questions about my sexual and non-sexual experiences, but she also asked who I experienced them with. For me, I don't want to know who or what she did with other men. All I know is she dated a few men after her divorce, and she only slept with the few that wanted a relationship. I respect her for that. Now I am wondering WHY she asked me certain questions. I told her I went to a concert on my Bday, and she wanted to know WHO I went with. I told her I had anal sex before, and she wanted to know WHO I had it with. I told her I received some free cruise tickets, and she wanted to know WHO gave them to me. Is this a sign of distrust, or do you think she is genuinely curious? Ladies, if or when you want to know WHO did stuff with your man in the past, what are your intentions behind those questions?
shexy Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 As a female, I think part of getting to know each other is talking about past experiences and things like that. I've never asked WHO specifically the past experiences were with.....I really don't care WHO specifically. I don't really feel the need to worry much about stuff a guy did before I even know him...unless he was out committing murder or something like that.
Author Phantom888 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 I've learned from past experience, as a man, that if I see a picture or know "WHO" my partner was with in the past, it would drive me nuts. So I try not to humanize these people in her past. But I wonder if women think the same way.
Southern Cal Dude Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Your sexual past is none of her business, just as hers is none of yours. If there's anything inappropriate or anything that is red flag deserving, it will come out at some point. I've never had to ask about someone's past because a person's true colors always shows and that's when you can put two and two together. 1
clia Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 During this weekend, we had a lot of sex, and a lot of time to talk about various topics. She asked questions about my sexual and non-sexual experiences, but she also asked who I experienced them with. For me, I don't want to know who or what she did with other men. I'm with you. I never understand why people ask these types of questions. What purpose does it serve? The past is the past. Now I am wondering WHY she asked me certain questions. I told her I went to a concert on my Bday, and she wanted to know WHO I went with. Since you are getting to know each other, this doesn't seem like such an odd question. But, she may have been poking around to find out if you went with a woman as opposed to a group of your friends. Was your birthday recent? I told her I had anal sex before, and she wanted to know WHO I had it with. This is WEIRD. Not only the discussions about past anal sex at three weeks into a relationship, but wanting to know WHO it was with. Weird, weird, weird. I can't imagine why she wants to know all those details. I told her I received some free cruise tickets, and she wanted to know WHO gave them to me. I don't think this is an odd question either -- it seems kind of natural to ask who gave you free cruise tickets. Is this a sign of distrust, or do you think she is genuinely curious? The sex stuff sounds more like possible insecurity. Ladies, if or when you want to know WHO did stuff with your man in the past, what are your intentions behind those questions? I would love to hear from some women who actually ask these types of questions...I can't imagine, especially at your (our) age.
BluEyeL Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 All I can say is that I'm a woman and definitely do not want to know about "who". I really don't want to know, like you, OP. So I don't get why is she digging so much, I guess she's just curious, but it would annoy me if my partner would bug me so much about this. Seems insecure.
Southern Cal Dude Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 All I can say is that I'm a woman and definitely do not want to know about "who". I really don't want to know, like you, OP. So I don't get why is she digging so much, I guess she's just curious, but it would annoy me if my partner would bug me so much about this. Seems insecure. There's the saying "Curiousity killed the cat". Curiousity(really insecurity in disguise, though not so well hidden to someone with half a brain) is going to kill whatever potential there is. 1
GI_Joy Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I'm a firm believer of "Do not ask questions that you don't want to know the answers to". Sounds insecure to me. The past is the past, there's no point in picking it apart. 1
Author Phantom888 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 In my past relationships I was the really insecure one, though I still don't understand why I was so damn insecure. I learned that if I knew too much about my partners' sexual past, I get jealous, even though none of my partners have ever been promiscuous (except one). The relationship would ultimately be destroyed because I couldn't handle my partners' past. This was why I thought I needed to go through my 6 months of "Sexcapade". I needed to desensitize myself about sex in general, and also try to enjoy sex without all the drama. I realized sex was really unfulfilling when there is no emotional attachment involved, so I basically stopped. I think I became more "mature" since my experiences. Yes, insecurity is very immature, and it can hurt any relationship. This time around, I am making a conscious effort to refrain from asking about past details, especially sexual details. Don't want to know at all. Also, since I know she has never been promiscuous, I am even more at ease about not knowing. I am praying that she is not the "jealous" type that I was before. Right now it doesn't appear she is, though at times she makes some comments that I find unusual. After we make love, she would say something like, "I bet all those girls you've been with really enjoyed your cock." or "I'm sure you satisfied a good number of women with that tongue of yours." I literally don't know how to respond. Asides from those 6 months of my past, I really have not been with many women, and I never really took the time to pleasure anyone unless I was in a committed relationship. I wonder if she's trying to draw a response from me. Maybe I'm overthinking it?
Agent M Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 From the way it is written, it sounds as if she is asking because she's trying to figure out if she can trust you, and WHO she should be looking out for if she can't. She may be trying to piece together the WHO's in her mind to get a mental picture of the relationships you have, then see how your future experiences together relate to what you have told her. Then she can decide whether she trusts you.
clia Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 After we make love, she would say something like, "I bet all those girls you've been with really enjoyed your cock." or "I'm sure you satisfied a good number of women with that tongue of yours." This sounds like major insecurity. Really bizarre things to say, in my opinion. 2
Sunshine87 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Well....I tend to ask a LOT of questions. I can see myself asking the sort of questions that the OP's lady was asking. When I like someone, I love to know every detail! Make sure your answers indicate that you are highly desired/desirable by other women.lol.
ses Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 In my past relationships I was the really insecure one, though I still don't understand why I was so damn insecure. I learned that if I knew too much about my partners' sexual past, I get jealous, even though none of my partners have ever been promiscuous (except one). The relationship would ultimately be destroyed because I couldn't handle my partners' past. This was why I thought I needed to go through my 6 months of "Sexcapade". I needed to desensitize myself about sex in general, and also try to enjoy sex without all the drama. I realized sex was really unfulfilling when there is no emotional attachment involved, so I basically stopped. I think I became more "mature" since my experiences. Yes, insecurity is very immature, and it can hurt any relationship. This time around, I am making a conscious effort to refrain from asking about past details, especially sexual details. Don't want to know at all. Also, since I know she has never been promiscuous, I am even more at ease about not knowing. I am praying that she is not the "jealous" type that I was before. Right now it doesn't appear she is, though at times she makes some comments that I find unusual. After we make love, she would say something like, "I bet all those girls you've been with really enjoyed your cock." or "I'm sure you satisfied a good number of women with that tongue of yours." I literally don't know how to respond. Asides from those 6 months of my past, I really have not been with many women, and I never really took the time to pleasure anyone unless I was in a committed relationship. I wonder if she's trying to draw a response from me. Maybe I'm overthinking it? I'm totally fine with discussing sex but I do not want to even think about the itty-bitty, specific details. It would just stay in my head and I would go crazy. As others have said, the past is the past, and she shouldn't concern herself with all these issues. It sounds like she's been burned in the past, and wants to rehash everything to reassure herself that she's good enough for you. That can be an overwhelming and draining task so be prepared! Don't discuss all the details the next time, and see how she responds. If she adopts an accusatory tone and starts badgering you, I would consider reevaluating the relationship. Trust is essential, and you shouldn't have to prove anything to her. 1
Delilah1623 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I did this a lot. And yes, it's due to major insecurity. Not necessarily a huge red flag on its own. I have been hurt majority in the past and as I have been healing and learning to trust my partner as well as myself I have become less concerned with this type of stuff. She might settle in own time as she begins to trust you... But... I also have an old friend who I believe has BPD and still obsesses daily and throws constant fits over the act that her bf watched porn before they ever dated....
Delilah1623 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 As to why I did it, it was because I didn't think I deserved the guy I was with and thought these girls were better than me in some way... Prettier, smarter, funnier, better in bed, etc and wanted constant validation that this wasn't true, even though I didn't really believe it no matter what he said until I had dealt with my own issues.
aussietigerwolf Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I don't want to know the sex stuff but... I would want to know who gave the guy those tickets.
happykat Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 at times she makes some comments that I find unusual. After we make love, she would say something like, "I bet all those girls you've been with really enjoyed your cock." or "I'm sure you satisfied a good number of women with that tongue of yours." I literally don't know how to respond. Asides from those 6 months of my past, I really have not been with many women, and I never really took the time to pleasure anyone unless I was in a committed relationship. I wonder if she's trying to draw a response from me. Maybe I'm overthinking it? No, you're right- these comments ARE unusual.. Think of it in reverse- if my man told me that he was sure I have satisfied a lot of men with my mouth I'd hit him upside his head, lol!.. I wouldn't know how to respond either-"Thank you??..I think??" Have you told her that you really haven't been with as many women as she seems to assume you have. Maybe you can say it in a joking way, like you're flattered that she sees you as a smooth casanova type or whatever, but that's not actually the case. Some of her other questions just seems like regular conversation (like who gave you the tickets, who did you go with).. except for the anal sex specifics, that's kind of weird too.. I would say that she's more insecure/jealous than the average person, and I hope this is as crazy as it gets, but being that you've only known her for a few weeks I have a feeling things are going to get weird.
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