Yeah maybe I'm overanalyzing again....but I'm going to ask for your take anyway

[Imajerk17]

Emailed a girl on Match. She wrote me back a very nice expansive email. I wrote her back, saying I was really impressed she got to play basketball at the college level, partly because "I was not a natural athlete growing up".

 

She knows how into working out I am now and I told her my goal at the end of the year is to become a (part-time) fitness instructor along with my current career. I also told her in this email that "I struggled at first getting into the movements but I kept at it" partly because well, "the hard is what makes something good right? Besides I can be stubborn".

 

How cringe-worthy was it to admit this? I mean we all have issues but I feel I made a mistake admitting this to her in a second email. I did this because (a) she was self-deprecating for a bit and I wanted to match her (b) I wanted to match the length of her email....

[xxoo]

I don't see anything cringe-worthy at all.

[CptSaveAho]

stop trying to seek validation from others (her and the people of this website) and just be yourself... this is one of the least attractive qualities i read with people that post here

 

you are putting too much value on her and you have only messaged her...

 

if she emails you back great, if not you will move on and try with another girl

[Floridita]

Nor I. I think it's nice that you're open and honest.

[MidwestUSA]

No cringe here. Over analyzing, yes

[SJC2008]

'the hard is what makes something good' is poorly worded or I'm taking it that way because I don't have the full context. Eithwr way I don't think it's something to cringe about.

[Star Gazer]

Emailed a girl on Match. She wrote me back a very nice expansive email. I wrote her back, saying I was really impressed she got to play basketball at the college level, partly because "I was not a natural athlete growing up".

 

She knows how into working out I am now and I told her my goal at the end of the year is to become a (part-time) fitness instructor along with my current career. I also told her in this email that "I struggled at first getting into the movements but I kept at it" partly because well, "the hard is what makes something good right? Besides I can be stubborn".

 

How cringe-worthy was it to admit this? I mean we all have issues but I feel I made a mistake admitting this to her in a second email. I did this because (a) she was self-deprecating for a bit and I wanted to match her (b) I wanted to match the length of her email....

 

I wouldn't care for it. If I had been a collegiate athlete, it would probably turn me off even more.

 

What you did wasn't self-deprecating with humor. If you had, it would have been okay.

 

But yeah, definitely over-analyzing.

[SJC2008]

I wouldn't care for it. If I had been a collegiate athlete, it would probably turn me off even more.

 

What you did wasn't self-deprecating with humor. If you had, it would have been okay.

 

But yeah, definitely over-analyzing.

 

#9,999 of things that would turn you off. Was it because he showed he wasn't a steel, unshakeable pillar in that he struggled with his exercise moves?

[Floridita]

#9,999 of things that would turn you off. Was it because he showed he wasn't a steel, unshakeable pillar in that he struggled with his exercise moves?

 

I didn't understand at all why it would be a turn off.

[xxoo]

I don't get the turn off either. THe "hard" wording was a bit off, but if I knew you better I'd probably make a "That's what she said!" comment about that wording and laugh it off

[Star Gazer]

#9,999 of things that would turn you off.

 

Not true.

 

Was it because he showed he wasn't a steel, unshakeable pillar in that he struggled with his exercise moves?

 

Yup. That's not something to disclose when you're trying to impress a woman, especially a woman who *is* good at what you struggle with, and you're a male. A guy is supposed to peacock a little bit, not cower a virtually bow down to her. :shrug:

 

There's also something about the OP's OP that shines through and is also a turn off. I suspect the same insecurity in the OP wafts into his emails to women.

 

Do you think insecurity is something a woman should find attractive in a second email from a guy from an OLD site?

[Imajerk17]

Hey it's cool. I like the kind words but I also appreciate SG's blunt take...

[Floridita]

Gender roles, schmender roles. OP, you admitted that you worked hard to get better at something that you desired to be better at, even though it didn't come to you naturally. Good on you.

[tbf]

Emailed a girl on Match. She wrote me back a very nice expansive email. I wrote her back, saying I was really impressed she got to play basketball at the college level, partly because "I was not a natural athlete growing up".

 

She knows how into working out I am now and I told her my goal at the end of the year is to become a (part-time) fitness instructor along with my current career. I also told her in this email that "I struggled at first getting into the movements but I kept at it" partly because well, "the hard is what makes something good right? Besides I can be stubborn".

 

How cringe-worthy was it to admit this? I mean we all have issues but I feel I made a mistake admitting this to her in a second email. I did this because (a) she was self-deprecating for a bit and I wanted to match her (b) I wanted to match the length of her email....

Too much extraneous information.

 

Why not compliment her and leave it at that? "It's impressive that you played basketball at the collegiate level". This leaves the door open for her to ask why you believe it's impressive, if she feels it's not a big deal.

 

Instead of emphasizing the difficulty of becoming a p/t fitness instructor, I'd just mention it like this "Staying in shape is important to me, where I've gotten to the level of fitness that might include the possibility of becoming a p/t fitness instructor to offset my current sit on my arse career (this presumes that you've already told her about your day job career path so self-dep humour can be used at this point)."

[Star Gazer]

Gender roles, schmender roles.

 

If you think biology has changed in the past 50 years, you're sorely mistaken. Women don't want to made to feel physically more able than their partners, especially by their prospective partners.

[Floridita]

If you think biology has changed in the past 50 years, you're sorely mistaken. Women don't want to made to feel physically more able than their partners, especially by their prospective partners.

 

 

Fine. You win at the internet.

[SJC2008]

Not true.

 

 

 

Yup. That's not something to disclose when you're trying to impress a woman, especially a woman who *is* good at what you struggle with, and you're a male. A guy is supposed to peacock a little bit, not cower a virtually bow down to her. :shrug:

 

There's also something about the OP's OP that shines through and is also a turn off. I suspect the same insecurity in the OP wafts into his emails to women.

 

Do you think insecurity is something a woman should find attractive in a second email from a guy from an OLD site?

 

Saying you're not good at something isn't insecure. Saying I suck at everything is. He said he wasn't good at it but stuck with it and guess what? He's thinking about being a part time instructor:)!

 

I played HS football and was one of the worst on the team. I didn't go to practice the second day and was going to quit but I didn't. I stuck with it and no I didn't become a starter or all star but I improved A LOT. I got more playing time each year and was on slpecial teams too. Also, on offense, I could stale mate the biggest guy on the offensive line in drive drills and he got a scholarship to a division 1 school. This story may come accross as insecure but I'm proud of it and I guarentedd there are plenty of women who wouldn't be turned off by it.

[SJC2008]

If you think biology has changed in the past 50 years, you're sorely mistaken. Women don't want to made to feel physically more able than their partners, especially by their prospective partners.

 

I'm not seeing how that would make you feel physically superior? Mabye you're the insecure one. He said it was impressive and it is. What should he have done, act indifferent as if he meets collegiate athletes all the time? I would of taken his saying he trains as building common ground.

[eastcoastgirl88]

Agree 100% with SG.

 

There's nothing wrong with not being a star athlete.

 

There IS something wrong with TMI, putting yourself down etc. when talking to someone you don't know who IS good at those things.

 

Physical fitness/strength is a stereotypically male quality most women value. You don't need to be a Greek God but you also don't want to leave a woman thinking you can't lift a sack of feathers and are horribly uncoordinated.

 

Why not compliment her, ask questions, then focus on the best parts of yourself? She certainly is and you are clearly impressed, so obviously that tactic works.

[Star Gazer]

I'm not seeing how that would make you feel physically superior? Mabye you're the insecure one. He said it was impressive and it is. What should he have done, act indifferent as if he meets collegiate athletes all the time? I would of taken his saying he trains as building common ground.

 

Huh? Why would I feel physically insecure, if a man is expressing his own physical insecurity to me? That doesn't make me insecure; it turns me off.

 

Read tbf and ECG's suggestions. They're good ones.

[xxoo]

He's working toward a goal of being a fitness instructor. How is that weak? Because he admitted it wasn't a natural talent, but rather something he worked hard to accomplish?

 

Is there a general preference for natural talent over hard work? I like a hard worker, myself.

[Star Gazer]

I played HS football and was one of the worst on the team. I didn't go to practice the second day and was going to quit but I didn't. I stuck with it and no I didn't become a starter or all star but I improved A LOT. I got more playing time each year and was on slpecial teams too.

 

That's nice. I wouldn't suggest telling a girl you've never met and have only exchanged one email with that though.

 

Can't help it if you can't tell the difference...

[SJC2008]

Agree 100% with SG.

 

There's nothing wrong with not being a star athlete.

 

There IS something wrong with TMI, putting yourself down etc. when talking to someone you don't know who IS good at those things.

 

Physical fitness/strength is a stereotypically male quality most women value. You don't need to be a Greek God but you also don't want to leave a woman thinking you can't lift a sack of feathers and are horribly uncoordinated.

 

Why not compliment her, ask questions, then focus on the best parts of yourself? She certainly is and you are clearly impressed, so obviously that tactic works.

 

Gotcha! No stories of perceverance, not even very short ones like his. It'll come accross as "insecurity". Compliment her, and talk about what I'm good at. I thought he was good at his training program?? Let's both live in a fairy tale world and pretend to be perfect and not get to know eachother below the surface.

[tbf]

Gotcha! No stories of perceverance, not even very short ones like his. It'll come accross as "insecurity". Compliment her, and talk about what I'm good at. I thought he was good at his training program?? Let's both live in a fairy tale world and pretend to be perfect and not get to know eachother below the surface.

Chill. They're exchanging first and second emails, not life stories. Save the good stuff for when they meet for a date.

[Star Gazer]

Gotcha! No stories of perceverance, not even very short ones like his. It'll come accross as "insecurity". Compliment her, and talk about what I'm good at. I thought he was good at his training program?? Let's both live in a fairy tale world and pretend to be perfect and not get to know eachother below the surface.

 

It was the second email, which isn't the time to announce one's failures. You need to calm down.