AD1980 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Im a pretty shy guy and rarely approach women the times i do women look for an excuse to leave before i can even start a real conversation,its pretty dihseartening to know women are so repuled by me at first sight that they dont even want to entertain the idea of me approaching them. It's mad me go into even more of a shell and not want to approach,it really rocks your confidence that you turn women off that much.
hppr Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Im a pretty shy guy and rarely approach women the times i do women look for an excuse to leave before i can even start a real conversation,its pretty dihseartening to know women are so repuled by me at first sight that they dont even want to entertain the idea of me approaching them. It's mad me go into even more of a shell and not want to approach,it really rocks your confidence that you turn women off that much. If you are ugly, I mean no bones about it, beat with an ugly stick, face only Mama can love ugly, then yeah that'll happen. You have to figure out how to make yourself more appealing - and you have to approach more. That is all there is to it. Talking to a girl once a week, tops, won't get you anywhere. Flirt with em every day, wherever you go. That sort of thing.
normal person Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 When guys here use the term "I approach women" it always makes it sound like they've got an agenda to me. Like a door to door salesman or something. If that's how it sounds to me then I can imagine the women can pick up on the subtlety of it too, and it might make them a bit uncomfortable unless you handle it delicately. I guess the cold approach can be done with some degree of success but I'm not a fan of it for reasons stated above. Instead of throwing a dart blindly and approaching a stranger who knows nothing about you, you can make it easier by having them approach you, or at least pique their interest before you talk to them. It helps to look well, dress nice, but you also should be very visibly amicable, gregarious, fun, and funny. You need to be a person that other people want to be around and if it's done in a visible, tasteful way people will naturally want to be around you. If women aren't approaching you then or indicating interest, you'll at least be more appealing and seemingly less of a threat then.
El Brujo Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 In my case, I know exactly why I repel women: I'm a giant, and giants are expected to be stupid (thank you, John Steinbeck). But not only am I not stupid---some trolls would dispute this---my sardonic sense of humor turns most women off. They find totally different things funny than I do. There you have it.
pcplod Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 If you approach them like a dog worrying sheep, then I can see that doing it. How do you approach other men to socially engage them? I know women can look radically different to us men. Their middle stump is ever so teensy-weensy and they have those curious appendages attached to the front of them that for some curious reason has us men dribbling from the corner of our mouths but apart from that, that particular model is externally remarkably similar to ours; four limbs, a head (with a certain similar grey matter in it). They even like to do man-like things on occasion; like get pissed, eat too much pizza and generally talk a load of old bollocks far too much. I think if you keep that sort of perspective in mind, you may well find things gradually improving.
arthus1 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Im a pretty shy guy and rarely approach women the times i do women look for an excuse to leave before i can even start a real conversation,its pretty dihseartening to know women are so repuled by me at first sight that they dont even want to entertain the idea of me approaching them. It's mad me go into even more of a shell and not want to approach,it really rocks your confidence that you turn women off that much. I think you need to approach women in your league.
arthus1 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 In my case, I know exactly why I repel women: I'm a giant, and giants are expected to be stupid (thank you, John Steinbeck). But not only am I not stupid---some trolls would dispute this---my sardonic sense of humor turns most women off. They find totally different things funny than I do. There you have it. Are you 9 feet or something? Women my age love my height 6'4
SuperGeek Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Well I'm only 5'11" tall and that is a disqualifier for many women. So I don't approach women over say 5'7" now unless I go into it knowing I'm going to get rejected. In my case, I know exactly why I repel women: I'm a giant, and giants are expected to be stupid (thank you, John Steinbeck). But not only am I not stupid---some trolls would dispute this---my sardonic sense of humor turns most women off. They find totally different things funny than I do. There you have it.
Febreze Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Dude me too, women are so repelled by me. I don't really know what it is, however women just never seem to be interested in me. I don't know what to do, I never had a girl that likes me. Maybe u should stop staring so much! That could be creeping us out right before u even open your mouth.
ltjg45 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 only 5 11. That isn't exactly short. I'm 5ft 6in. I don't know how many women out there that is taller than me but, after meeting one that I like, I'm a little concerned about my height after all.
El Brujo Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Women my age love my height 6'4 Where do you live? In Burundi?
arthus1 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Where do you live? In Burundi? United States but idk women just love my height.
hppr Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I think you need to approach women in your league. The problem with this is that guys/girls think it means 'give up and date ugly people' when in reality it means common interests and mutual attraction, both of which you can somewhat control. 1
suds00 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 i've had this problem because of a physical handicap.
mahon451 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 OP- Learn how to read facial expressions and body language. That is 90% of the battle.
colejack Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 When guys here use the term "I approach women" it always makes it sound like they've got an agenda to me. Like a door to door salesman or something. If that's how it sounds to me then I can imagine the women can pick up on the subtlety of it too, and it might make them a bit uncomfortable unless you handle it delicately. I guess the cold approach can be done with some degree of success but I'm not a fan of it for reasons stated above. Instead of throwing a dart blindly and approaching a stranger who knows nothing about you, you can make it easier by having them approach you, or at least pique their interest before you talk to them. It helps to look well, dress nice, but you also should be very visibly amicable, gregarious, fun, and funny. You need to be a person that other people want to be around and if it's done in a visible, tasteful way people will naturally want to be around you. If women aren't approaching you then or indicating interest, you'll at least be more appealing and seemingly less of a threat then. But how many women seriously approach guys or even show interest from across the room? It's a longshot strategy for a guy to just look more appealing and simply wait for women to show their interest.
normal person Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 But how many women seriously approach guys or even show interest from across the room? Quite a few, my experience has been that it's much easier this way. I've never had an issue with this sort of thing. Not every girl is going to like you but the ones that do will often make it apparent, whether it be blatantly obvious or in a more subtle way. In the times where I actually have to get a girl's attention, I make an "approach" more circumstantial or situational and build an attraction from there. I would never go in with an obvious agenda, guns blazing with cheesy pick up lines or anything like that. I don't think I've ever cold approached in that sense. I get a foot in the door and work a little magic (no, not literal magic tricks). You can win a lot of people over if you're a legitimately nice, personable individual.
colejack Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Quite a few, my experience has been that it's much easier this way. I've never had an issue with this sort of thing. Not every girl is going to like you but the ones that do will often make it apparent, whether it be blatantly obvious or in a more subtle way. In the times where I actually have to get a girl's attention, I make an "approach" more circumstantial or situational and build an attraction from there. I would never go in with an obvious agenda, guns blazing with cheesy pick up lines or anything like that. I don't think I've ever cold approached in that sense. I get a foot in the door and work a little magic (no, not literal magic tricks). You can win a lot of people over if you're a legitimately nice, personable individual. It seems to make so much sense that things would work out that way. Look well, smile, have certain personality traits that make you unique...and girls will pay attention and at least give you signs to come over and talk to them. Doesn't seem to happen, even in the smallest sense. 5-6 years ago I didn't have all of those things. Now I do. A few years ago I wanted to be a more likable and fun guy, so I took the steps to do that and succeeded. People who knew me before noticed and told me how much funnier I've gotten and how I've opened up so much. It just never attracts women. If I'm out with friends (which I don't get to do much anymore), I'm always smiling and laughing with them. I'll be in that mindset where I'm just having fun and don't care what anyone thinks. However, I have to say it would be nice if a girl came up to me, or even just looked at me. Never happens, though. If I happen to make a second of eye contact, I'll maintain it and smile, but the girl will always look away. I'm being outgoing, genuine, and generally happy in the moment. I honestly don't know what more I can possibly do.
Hazzard Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 I honestly think some guys like myself are genetic failures, doomed to a life of singledom. It's hard to accept and I've become angry and bitter over it. 1
Ryan9 Posted June 21, 2013 Posted June 21, 2013 Im a pretty shy guy and rarely approach women the times i do women look for an excuse to leave before i can even start a real conversation,its pretty dihseartening to know women are so repuled by me at first sight that they dont even want to entertain the idea of me approaching them. It's mad me go into even more of a shell and not want to approach,it really rocks your confidence that you turn women off that much. Even confident guys get rejected all the time, even by women below their abilities. Rejection is not personal and it has to be taken that way. A great tip is to never make an approach obvious. That's the key differentiator between confident guys and shy guys. 1
normal person Posted June 22, 2013 Posted June 22, 2013 It seems to make so much sense that things would work out that way. Look well, smile, have certain personality traits that make you unique...and girls will pay attention and at least give you signs to come over and talk to them. Doesn't seem to happen, even in the smallest sense. 5-6 years ago I didn't have all of those things. Now I do. A few years ago I wanted to be a more likable and fun guy, so I took the steps to do that and succeeded. People who knew me before noticed and told me how much funnier I've gotten and how I've opened up so much. It just never attracts women. Well you sound like you're doing all the right stuff although that does seem a little odd. I see you live in NYC too. I don't know where you're going out or what you're doing there but it seems to me this city makes it incredibly easy for guys. It shouldn't be that hard. Maybe you're not noticing some good opportunities? If I happen to make a second of eye contact, I'll maintain it and smile, but the girl will always look away. I'm being outgoing, genuine, and generally happy in the moment. I honestly don't know what more I can possibly do. Here's an opportunity for you. Intentionally making eye contact with you and then looking away is often a signal that means "come talk to me" (making eye contact with a complete stranger and then maintaining it is kind of odd). If she's looking at you at all it's a good sign. Women like to be pursued. If they don't approach you they'll tend to try and make you aware that they want you to pursue them. They'll do things like look at you and look away, bump into you "accidentally," etc. Typically subtle stuff. It's a strange MO but that's how it is a lot of the time. The bolder ones will just go for it. So in the event that they don't approach you, you might have to do some leg work. I think the easiest way to do this for guys is just to make an interaction situational and non-threatening rather than have an obvious motive. Make a joke at the bar about how long it takes to get a drink, ask what she's drinking and if it's any good, ask her what her tattoo means, create opportunities. When an opportunity presents itself, don't squander it. If a girl bumps into you and spills her/your drink, make light of it and use it as an opportunity. That sort of stuff. Minimal effort required. Last night a girl wearing heels accidentally stepped on my foot and it hurt like hell, but I made a joke out of it and we became friendly. At the end of the night her and her friends were giving my friend and I their numbers/business cards and asking when we're going to hang out again. Take small, circumstantial interactions like that and manufacture them into something bigger. You need to think fast and improvise, but it pays dividends. A great tip is to never make an approach obvious. That's the key differentiator between confident guys and shy guys. This guy knows the score.
colejack Posted June 24, 2013 Posted June 24, 2013 Well you sound like you're doing all the right stuff although that does seem a little odd. I see you live in NYC too. I don't know where you're going out or what you're doing there but it seems to me this city makes it incredibly easy for guys. It shouldn't be that hard. Maybe you're not noticing some good opportunities? I live a little bit outside of the city, and will be moving right across the river in about a month to a more active area than my current town. Should've put "Greater NYC Area" instead as my location. I hear that there are tons of single girls in the city from a number of guys. I go into the city a lot for other things but I haven't been to very many active bar and no clubs. I'd like to start going to them more once I move, though. Here's an opportunity for you. Intentionally making eye contact with you and then looking away is often a signal that means "come talk to me" (making eye contact with a complete stranger and then maintaining it is kind of odd). If she's looking at you at all it's a good sign. I'm bad at reading signals, but I do manage to catch girls doing this somewhat regularly. I always assumed it was just by chance and curiosity that they were looking my way, and if they were doing it to get my attention they would hold eye contact longer and smile. Any look under 2 seconds I've always disregarded, but it sounds like I shouldn't. Women like to be pursued. If they don't approach you they'll tend to try and make you aware that they want you to pursue them. They'll do things like look at you and look away, bump into you "accidentally," etc. Typically subtle stuff. It's a strange MO but that's how it is a lot of the time. The bolder ones will just go for it. I know those moves. Again, though, I tend to take them for face value and not read into anything at the time. So in the event that they don't approach you, you might have to do some leg work. I think the easiest way to do this for guys is just to make an interaction situational and non-threatening rather than have an obvious motive. Make a joke at the bar about how long it takes to get a drink, ask what she's drinking and if it's any good, ask her what her tattoo means, create opportunities. When an opportunity presents itself, don't squander it. If a girl bumps into you and spills her/your drink, make light of it and use it as an opportunity. That sort of stuff. Minimal effort required. Last night a girl wearing heels accidentally stepped on my foot and it hurt like hell, but I made a joke out of it and we became friendly. At the end of the night her and her friends were giving my friend and I their numbers/business cards and asking when we're going to hang out again. Take small, circumstantial interactions like that and manufacture them into something bigger. You need to think fast and improvise, but it pays dividends. Starting conversation in situational ways is definitely easier and more organic. I've done it before to some success, and when I've done it I didn't even really think. Some attractive girl was doing something and I went up to her and commented about it. A little while later I have plenty of material to keep the conservation full and alive. What I have trouble with is what to say to a girl across the bar who might do a 1 second glance and turn away. Like that other guy said, if I have to walk over to her it's going to be an obvious approach. Also, are you usually out with other guys that can be your wingmen? Unfortunately, I'm in a position now where I don't have no other single friends close to me to go out with, so I'll go out alone and see what happens. Last year I had better success doing that, but I've hit a real dry spell the past few months. If I had just one or a few other guys to go out with, I think things would be much easier. At the very least, they would be people to talk to and joke around with to get me smiling and laughing and put me in the right mindset to talk to strangers.
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