JuneJulySeptember Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Off topic, don't mean to hijack this thread with issues about Academia, but in fact, I think getting a tenure-track position at a major research university is much much harder than getting tenure once there. Not that getting tenure is easy, but it's easier than getting the job in the first place. Also, if he doesn't like research, there is no point in working for a research intensive institution. There are teaching intensive institutions who are great for people who love teaching and not research so much, and where you can get tenure and live happily ever after too. Also JJS, being an engineering student (I think you are still a student, right?), I think you shouldn't have problems having girlfriends that are not high heels wearing divas, from among the fellow female engineering students. No. I'd be switching from industry to academia. There's pluses and minuses. The biggest of which would be that having a pHd would make more appealing to women apparently. Joking.
RedRobin Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 These are pretty common issues in marriages where partners start out young and in time the wife becomes more successful, it often leads to resentment. I read on it, it's a real thing. For us, we've met as freshmen in college (19 yo), had the same major, and he always thought he was smarter than me (I was just shy, not stupid), but he wasn't confident/decisive, had low self esteem, was really passive, so after a few years of waiting in poverty and stagnation (4 years after marriage exactly), I had to take the bull by the horns and I started to drag that train, left for the US, brought him here, and continued to lead the way until the competition between us led to marriage failure. In the process, he had a lot to gain from my efforts, and of course he has his merits too, got his degree and all. Oh well, it was a pretty nice/successful run, as long as it lasted. I'm happy and my take is that's how things were supposed to be happening. But I'm surely careful about these things. Divorce rate in educated people is nowhere near 50%, so not so many unattached successful men my age. Yes, my ex grew to resent me as well. Even though I did everything I could think of to ease his concerns... whatever they were. We started out with me making similar to him, but then me surpassing him. I didn't feel the competition... To me, it was just more $$ for us to have fun with... and my career gave us opportunities we wouldn't have otherwise... but he didn't see it that way. Plus, I work around all men and he was insanely jealous... TBH, I got really tired of walking on eggshells with him. Am glad not to have to deal with that anymore. Since then, I've dated men who made less, or more, or had less or more education. I figure it's always sumthin. If they want to use your education or $$ against you, or they are insecure about their own life, that's just how it is. It's nothing to do with you. 2
SuperGeek Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Contrary to popular belief, women do pretty well these days if you actually look at the statistics right: There is No Male-Female Wage Gap Wallstreet Journal - Carrie Lucas Carrie Lukas: There Is No Male-Female Wage Gap - WSJ.com I think it's great. I'm all for women making as much money as they want. I wouldn't be the least bit threatened or intimidated by a female that was worth 100 million as long as she generally loved me for me. Two people dating with adequate financial resources is quite a refreshing experience to be honest. When basic needs are met already by both people, other stuff can be focused on and fine tuned. Neither person has to worry about money and financial support for the most part other than prenuptial agreements and lawyers can deal with all that. It's much more simple when financial dependence is removed. Just my experience of course. As I said previously, I prefer to date women who have a pile of cash. I have no interest in their cash at all. I just like the simplicity of it. I think too much emphasis is focused on financial issues in relationships today and that is just too bad. My best relationships have been with women who had equal or more financial resources than me. The worst ones have been relationships where females had no mode of self reliance or self sustaining income stream. They were literally dependent on me and it got really stressful. I think at least one of them didn't even really like me at all and was just after my cash. I'm not trying to avoid financial dependence entirely, but it really helps when a female has her own financial income stream abilities and doesn't put that all on the man like in traditional marriages of the past. Soooooo glad we are beyond those days. SuperGeek
SuperGeek Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Dude this post me me laugh my damn ass off. lol. Purse whipped? Really? I've never heard that before. Would be good adult film knock off You will never be in a position to be 'purse whipped' if you are financially responsible and have put away a nice pile of money for yourself. Hell, invest in stocks, bonds, and foreign currencies too. If you pay yourself first you'll never have to go to anyone with your hand out. Now if you have a good job and you simply earn less, then you sill wouldn't need to hold your hand out. But even if you had to a few times, so what? My view is that financial dependence can go both ways and both cases are bad. The best situation (in my view) is that both people in the relationship do their best to earn as much as they can without being workaholics. It doesn't matter if one earns more or less. Financial dependency on either side can be a total relationship killer. Just look at the statistics on how many marriages end in divorce over financial struggles. For a lot of men it is quite a problem if the women out earns him by a significant amount. They will make the guy feel like a loser. It's even worse if you end up getting married. Can you imagine going to your wife and asking her to open her pink purse because you need some money for something. And you have to use her money to buy her a gift on her birthday. Meanwhile she is working while you spend all the time with the kids, she gets jealous and resentful and the man is frustrated and emasculated. Personally I don't want to be purse whipped. It would be a problem for me. 1
Southern Cal Dude Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 men and women both exagerte their salaries. few people make in the six figures. i make 21 thou with an advanced degre I think only 10% make 6 figures. Certainly not common, but its not that rare either. That amount isn't a whole lot if you're in NYC, San Fran, or southern Cal.
Ripnet Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 so they aren't dirt poor then. You can't be poor and have status. Well Jesus was poor and so was Buddha once he left his father and all the wealth. They both had status and they lasted a beyond a life time of status. Also Mother Teresa was poor and had status. I'm sure there a lot more people who are poor with status. I'm talking financially of course.
crederer Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 It`s all in how the woman acts about it. If she`s constantly pointing it out and suggesting you`re not a man for making less, then yeah, it`s a problem. If not, then get her to buy you a new purse.
Ripnet Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 50+ percent of people get divorced so it's not exactly like you are outside the norm on that account. Most women I have talked to won't date a man who makes substantially less because they don't want to have to 'fall back' on his income should something happen. Or won't date him for long. I don't know but I am not into travelling. I don't like fancy dinners and crap. I enjoy simple things in life.
FitChick Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 I dated someone who made much less than I did. I learned my lesson. Constantly having to prop up a guy's ego would exhaust me. 2
phineas Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 It`s all in how the woman acts about it. If she`s constantly pointing it out and suggesting you`re not a man for making less, then yeah, it`s a problem. If not, then get her to buy you a new purse. If a woman is CONSTANTLY telling a guy this & he sticks around i'd have to agree with her on the claim he isn't a man.
SuperGeek Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) Right. Well. People need to protect themselves whether it's the male from female or vice versa. You obviously have your interpretation of what I said and that's your right, but I think you're missing my main point. Main Point: It's better if two people entering into a relationship have their own independent income streams so they can have that financial independence as a backup if they need it. I'm speaking for men AND women here. Women in general should strive to be more self-reliant financially because the child support system is broken in most countries - i.e deadbeat dads (or moms) don't get punished that much for not paying child support. Court systems and lawyers serve to just drain dissolving relationships for every dollar, etc. I seek women that have an income stream because I would rather they not depend on me financially. It is not a requirement, but rather a 'nice-to-have'. I don't want any woman to be with me because they feel like they are financially stuck with me. The last ex I dated that wasn't exactly financially affluent was so broke at the end of our relationship that I had to go and pay for her first two months of rent after she broke up with me. I paid for it willingly so that she could move on and so that she didn't feel stuck with me (she was broke soley due to poor spending habits by the way and she made good money at a job). Does that clarify my original point for you? Yeah, I didn't mean them. But it's not lost on me that you automatically drew the conclusion that you were the one that needed to be protected from them when it might be them that need to be protected from you? Based on your reasoning for wanting to date a woman more financially off than you, you kind of are in it for the money and the benefits you think their money provides your relationship. Edited June 18, 2013 by SuperGeek
Star Gazer Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Thankfully, guys my age (mid-30's) are just now starting to catch up to me, income wise. Previously, guys were either intimidated/insecure, or looking for a sugar mama. Now, I feel they're more of an equal. I'd also have no problem being a stay at home dad if my wife brought in big bucks. I'd have no problem with it, I'd love to be able to work on all kinds of projects around the house, experiment with new recipes every day, etc and I wouldn't have any problem with it You think that's what stay-at-home moms do?
ltjg45 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Bartenders(hi), club promoters, those with good looks(hi) don't make a ton of money. I only make $600/week in tips on average and that doesn't stop women from wanting dates and sex. You can be poor and still popular and attractive. Prime example, me. $600 a week average is still poor? That's less than $29,000 a year. I won't complain with that salary.
Southern Cal Dude Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 $600 a week average is still poor? That's less than $29,000 a year. I won't complain with that salary. You live in Jacksonville. Lower standard of living and no income tax. I live just outside of LA.
SuperGeek Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Yes, that one guy you dated must mean all of us are the SAME! I think we should all just convert to a common name as well. We are all the same right? Our names should be the same too. I dated someone who made much less than I did. I learned my lesson. Constantly having to prop up a guy's ego would exhaust me.
Ripnet Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Right. Well. People need to protect themselves whether it's the male from female or vice versa. You obviously have your interpretation of what I said and that's your right, but I think you're missing my main point. Main Point: It's better if two people entering into a relationship have their own independent income streams so they can have that financial independence as a backup if they need it. I'm speaking for men AND women here. Women in general should strive to be more self-reliant financially because the child support system is broken in most countries - i.e deadbeat dads (or moms) don't get punished that much for not paying child support. Court systems and lawyers serve to just drain dissolving relationships for every dollar, etc. I seek women that have an income stream because I would rather they not depend on me financially. It is not a requirement, but rather a 'nice-to-have'. I don't want any woman to be with me because they feel like they are financially stuck with me. The last ex I dated that wasn't exactly financially affluent was so broke at the end of our relationship that I had to go and pay for her first two months of rent after she broke up with me. I paid for it willingly so that she could move on and so that she didn't feel stuck with me (she was broke soley due to poor spending habits by the way and she made good money at a job). Does that clarify my original point for you? She should have saved her money and pay you back.
ltjg45 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 You live in Jacksonville. Lower standard of living and no income tax. I live just outside of LA. The penalties is not worth the minor benefits I get from being here. I will be glad to be in your shoes right now.
Ami1uwant Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 It really depends on the guy and what their expectations are......it creates to well diviided camps. Some guys feel they need to be the dominant bread winner type. Her making more will affect him. On the flip side with women they also yhave the mentality that he should make more thgan her otherwise she wont date him. With other guys they are fine with it if she makes more money if they are both in professional and respected careers. Making money has more to do with what field you are in than how intelligent you are. a totally different anaimal is someone who is super wealthy through inheritance.
SuperGeek Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) At the time it was too painful for me to ask for it back so I just gave it to her. She also was moving from an environment with a lot of stuff already paid for to paying for everything on her own. I knew she was hooking up with another guy right after she ended it, so I paid her to leave basically. Money well spent IMO. It was very hard at the time, but I paid it for both of us... For me so I could move on and get over her in peace and for her so that she could go date the guy she really wanted (not me obvoiusly). 2500 AUD wasn't worth nagging her about. I just let it go and i moved on. She should have saved her money and pay you back. Edited June 18, 2013 by SuperGeek
Southern Cal Dude Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 $29,000 a year is REALLY low. Especially in LA. But I also work 2 other jobs. The good thing about the $600 is its in only 2 days. If I can get to 4 days(one will be Friday), I'll be making around $1400-1500 a week, plus my barber money and part time modeling. I'll be at around $2000 a week.
SJC2008 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Wouldn't bother me. I had a date with a woman who made $75k+ and she knew she made way more than me because she met me at my retail job. TBS if things progressed I would only want to do things withinn my budget because it wouldn't be fair to her and I'd feel like I was using her.
phineas Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 $29,000 a year is REALLY low. Not where I live. That's higher than the median income.
Southern Cal Dude Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Not where I live. That's higher than the median income. I would imagine that would be enough to get by in states like Tennessee, Arkansas, etc. Where I live, the average income per individual is around $35K with the average household around $75-80K, so I'm actually right on par with the average household income.
Author bson1257 Posted November 12, 2014 Author Posted November 12, 2014 If a woman earns a lot more money than a guy does, should he be hesitant about dating her?
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2014 Posted November 12, 2014 It works both ways. It will be a deal breaker for some people & not an issue at all for others. What matters is how you feel if you are one of the people in the relationship. 1
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