Just an update...

[McGriff]

Mcgriff here, checking in with an update on my situation...

 

If you want to know my story, just click my name and checkout the previous posts. In short, BU almost 4 months ago, went NC for almost a month, and been getting breadcrumbs for the last 6 weeks.

 

And the breadcrumbs have continued. But a strange thing is happening---I'm start to detach from her even WITH the breadcrumbs. Seriously. I used to look forward to them, even though they brought confusion and frustration. The comforting thought that at least she was thinking about me outweighed the confusion and frustration, but now the opposite is happening. When I get a text or phone call every other day or two days now, I just roll my eyes like "wtf now, you're bored?" Her breadcrumbs have become very unattractive and now I think that SHE is being weak because she broke up and now doesn't want to let me go despite my words of such. I'm just not in the same place I was even a month ago. She is starting to annoy me, and I never thought I would say that.

 

Now at the same time, I've been dating, but nothing has come about. I still see the new girl every couple weeks, but the passion for her is just. not. there. I did meet another woman about a week ago and had a nice night of conversation with her, but nothing has panned out yet, but I think I'm gonna pursue her.

 

I recently read an interesting article that some of you may find helpful, you can find it here:

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Right After My Breakup

 

I once really wished that I would be one of those rare reconciliation stories, but it looks like we are just another sad breakup story of two people that just couldn't get it together. I haven't heard from her since Thursday, so maybe she's starting to sense my growing detachment, we'll see. The most she's gone since the breadcrumbs started was 4 days, so lets see if she can break her own record.

 

I've read some sad stories on here recently, and I hope you guys can hang in there and get where you need to be. It is definitely a slow and painful process.

[StraylightRun24]

Glad to hear that McGriff!

 

I had a similar situation with a girl a few years ago who was the queen of breadcrumbs and it had the same effect on me. At first I was all excited to receive them but after months of texts and whatnot and her still being with her new dude I started to get annoyed and to be honest it made it that much easier to finally let go and move on.

 

Hopefully they have become a source of you being able to finally let her go and not a source of false hope any longer!

[Enna]

What do you mean, a 'sad breakup story'? This is brilliant! You are healing, the best possible outcome - congratulations!!!!! A clean slate, no messy 'reconciliation', trust issues, all that...you must feel like a massive burden has been lifted!

[mtnbiker3000]

I recently read an interesting article that some of you may find helpful, you can find it here:

What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Right After My Breakup

 

 

Yeah, I came across this back just after my BU. Pretty legit but he is selling a service. Sends me an email with some good info every couple of weeks. Have not paid for the 'for sale' book, so I can't speak to that...

[McGriff]

Straylight,

 

Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm out of the woods yet. And by that I mean I have a lot of work to do on myself. I've really struggled with the concept of being my own source of happiness. I still have a huge void in my life that she used to fill, and I've done SO MANY things to try and fill that void. It's amazing because I think to myself "what the hell was I doing before she came along? There was no void then?", and I still don't have an answer. I'm busier now with activities than I was then, but yet that void is still there. I will always love her and want the best for her, but her personality issues are starting to wear on my views of her, and that's a good thing. I've taken off the rose colored glasses I've had on for months, and am seeing things more objectively. It helps to write out my thoughts on here so I can go back and see my progression. I do have setbacks, like when the show we used to watch together every night in bed comes on, I just change the channel, and there's still a couple bars and restaurants that I just can't bring myself to go to because we had such good times. But overall, I'd say I'm making good progress. How've you been?

[McGriff]

Mtnbiker,

 

I never buy anything, I just read the articles. I figure if you have to buy something to get your girl back, it just ain't meant to be. Know what I'm saying?

[BustedUpInside]

Mcgriff here, checking in with an update on my situation...

 

I've read some sad stories on here recently, and I hope you guys can hang in there and get where you need to be. It is definitely a slow and painful process.

 

I like when you post things. It's always very calming to me to know that someone out there was having trouble adjusting, gets freaked out every now and then, but for the most part just keeps moving forward.

 

You are doing great and honestly are kind of my hero on this site.

[mtnbiker3000]

Mtnbiker,

 

I never buy anything, I just read the articles. I figure if you have to buy something to get your girl back, it just ain't meant to be. Know what I'm saying?

 

Yeah. I'm the same way. I do like what this guys does have to say though. And I don't think he is one who claims his techniques will get your ex back. Think he is all about acceptance and moving on, so I don't think he's that bad. Some sites are just selling snake oil and 'spells' and that is just schyte!!!

 

I did buy 2 (I think) eBooks that were like $6.95 each, and they were pretty much crap. Honestly LS has been a good place to work on healing, but have to be careful here too. Not all advice is sound.

 

I googled the crap out of BU's, coping and what not early on in my BU. Actually, that is how I came across LS

[lop98]

there's a tiny quality in breadcrumbs that makes them empowering... first, you're not ignored, second you can smell their desperation and third, the ball seems to be on your court. This empowering effect can last if a new one comes just as the effect of the previous one is fading away. When there's no new breadcrumb though, the emotions surface again... waiting, repeated thoughts... the 'cemetery' smell that the breadcrumbs managed to briefly distract you from.

 

That's been my experience. I'd block. The 'haha loser!' approach is deceiving when we're recovering, just because we want that so badly.

[mtnbiker3000]

Straylight,

 

Yeah, I wouldn't say I'm out of the woods yet. And by that I mean I have a lot of work to do on myself. I've really struggled with the concept of being my own source of happiness. I still have a huge void in my life that she used to fill, and I've done SO MANY things to try and fill that void. It's amazing because I think to myself "what the hell was I doing before she came along? There was no void then?", and I still don't have an answer. I'm busier now with activities than I was then, but yet that void is still there. I will always love her and want the best for her, but her personality issues are starting to wear on my views of her, and that's a good thing. I've taken off the rose colored glasses I've had on for months, and am seeing things more objectively. It helps to write out my thoughts on here so I can go back and see my progression. I do have setbacks, like when the show we used to watch together every night in bed comes on, I just change the channel, and there's still a couple bars and restaurants that I just can't bring myself to go to because we had such good times. But overall, I'd say I'm making good progress. How've you been?

 

Yes^^^ I am taking this opportunity to dig real deep and get to some serious issues that I never even knew I had, but I do. I am determined to make some positive and lasting changes that will focus on me and not make me feel the need to find happiness, approval, validation, etc. from someone else. I know that doesn't work, so got to try some thing else.

 

In all honesty I feel kind of weak/late being 41 and just now realizing the need for some serious reflection, changes and what not. But I guess, better late than never.

[McGriff]

I like when you post things. It's always very calming to me to know that someone out there was having trouble adjusting, gets freaked out every now and then, but for the most part just keeps moving forward.

 

You are doing great and honestly are kind of my hero on this site.

 

Awww, thanks BUI! Appreciate the kind words. I really do. Don't know about the hero thing, because I've done some depraved sh*t after this BU. But overall, I am getting better. There's been some tough nights, but I have a pretty good support system of friends and family. Some people don't have that, and I can only imagine the pain that must be. Again though, thanks, and we'll all get through this together!

[McGriff]

there's a tiny quality in breadcrumbs that makes them empowering... first, you're not ignored, second you can smell their desperation and third, the ball seems to be on your court. This empowering effect can last if a new one comes just as the effect of the previous one is fading away. When there's no new breadcrumb though, the emotions surface again... waiting, repeated thoughts... the 'cemetery' smell that the breadcrumbs managed to briefly distract you from.

 

That's been my experience. I'd block. The 'haha loser!' approach is deceiving when we're recovering, just because we want that so badly.

 

Lop98,

 

YES! This is a great description of what its like to get the breadcrumb. My ex is the queen of breadcrumbs---I've received over 200 texts from her in the last 6 weeks. And none of them say anything except the few "I miss you" and "I love you" crap. It's gotten old now. What was once a heart flutter, is now just an eye roll and a "humph"

[Sneaky]

Thanks for linking these. I know it's irrational but I feel like emotionally I'm not making any progress at all. I think about her every second that I don't have anything distracting me and it's incredibly difficult to do something as simple as just sleep.

 

I've only been in NC for just over two weeks mind, so I know that's not a lot and reading stuff like this helps.

[StraylightRun24]

McGriff I seem to have the same issue with finding happiness within myself. I seem to lack self confidence in a lot of aspects of my life and question my self worth. It's also something I'm trying to figure out myself and hopefully will get there soon. This BU really has shaken me to my core and has amplified the questioning of self worth and what not.

 

Today was alright though. Just got back from Man of Steel with one of my oldest friends in the world who is going through issues with his girl of 7 years so we've been leaning on each other a lot recently (and sadly drinking a little too much! Need to get the sh*t in order ASAP!).

 

You have definitely been making progress!

[mtnbiker3000]

^^^ I believe this is the most important thing to do right now. Forget finding another SO. Time to work on ones self first, or else wash, rinse, repeat...

[IS IT Better late]

This thread has some of my favorite LS'ers so I figured I'd chime in.

 

McGriff so your breadcrumbs continue to come in huh. Sounds like your chick is a complete headcase lol. She wants to keep you in her life but only to a certain extent.

 

The dude Chitown said it best about dumpers and breadcrumbs. The dumper will send them see if you're are still on leash until they find somone else and then they will drop you as soon as the person comes along. So it sounds like your ex hasn't found that person yet so she's still keeping you in the loop.

 

As you know I've been going through the same thing but not as intense as yours. The breadcrumbs have stopped a little over 2-weeks ago for me.

 

This time feels a little different so maybe its dunezo. I told her not to jerk me around with talking about meeting up if she wasn't 100 percent in as she cancelled plans with me twice. She didn't enjoy me being a little harsh with her but it was well deserved.

 

So who know's... my mind is still F-ing me wanting to hear from her and wanting to text her but I'm staying strong.

 

Everytime a text comes I'm still secretly hoping its her.

 

But I'm starting to date again and I met a chick I kinda like so we'll see.

 

This is really some battle!! Ugh!!

 

Stay strong fella's we're all better than this!!!

[McGriff]

IIBL,

 

I'm telling you our ex's must be related. I've gone through everything you have, and as I said, I haven't heard from her since Thursday. I think she has a sixth sense or something and maybe she's feeling my growing disinterest. I'll tell you, I still have periods of sadness from the whole thing, because we had such a good time together, but those periods are getting less and less. When I start feeling bad, I try and make myself pissed off about the whole situation, and I find that it works wonders. Hopefully, she'll leave it alone for awhile and really let me get on top of getting over her. She did tell me last time that she got my son a bday present (coming up early next month) and that she wanted to drop it off sometime. She's a pro at keeping SOMETHING connecting us, always. Like you though, something feels different, at least on my side, but maybe on hers too, as the breadcrumbs are trailing off.

[mtnbiker3000]

Not sure which is better... Breadcrumbs or none. I got 2 half-assed ones about 2 months ago and nothing since. She's either respecting my request for NC or just could care less about me any more. I wouldn't mind one, just to know I am still thought of, but oh well... 94 days and counting...

[StraylightRun24]

Not sure which is better... Breadcrumbs or none. I got 2 half-assed ones about 2 months ago and nothing since. She's either respecting my request for NC or just could care less about me any more. I wouldn't mind one, just to know I am still thought of, but oh well... 94 days and counting...

 

As someone who hasn't spoken to my ex since late December and also asked her not to check up on me, I also deal with those questions it seems every other day, but I have to say receiving the breadcrumbs is worse.

 

Breadcrumbs = stringing you along, giving you false hope, and a lot of time relieving their own guilt about dumping you (props to Chitown for the last one!)

 

My ex has given me the opportunity to move on and now I'm the ONLY one responsible for my sorry state.

[IS IT Better late]

Stray sorry state lol! C'mon man you were hurt, just like I was and we're only humans with emotions. Don't be too hard on yourself. Believe me I've screamed at myself more than a few times over the past few months.

 

All of us thought our relationships were going to blossom into something special. I felt like mine was picked off the vine before it was ripe.

 

I hate her for killing what could've been!

 

A friend of mine said something interesting though. Sometimes the girls who are the most fun to hangout with are also the craziest.

 

So she once admitted to me about a month ago that she always enjoyed hanging out with me and we had great chemistry together.

 

So why the F would she not want to keep doing it? That's crazy in my books. The girls who I walked away from was b/c they were boring or just not sexually fun to be with.

 

MTB Biker and Stray are the strong ones here, me and McGriff have been hanging on like little kids to mommy's leg.

 

So IDK what happens next. I think we all just want that day to come where that biotch doesn't creep into our minds. That first day when we don't think about what they are doing, who their with, do they think about us? Blah blah blah.

 

When does that day come?

[mtnbiker3000]

Stray sorry state lol! C'mon man you were hurt, just like I was and we're only humans with emotions. Don't be too hard on yourself. Believe me I've screamed at myself more than a few times over the past few months.

 

All of us thought our relationships were going to blossom into something special. I felt like mine was picked off the vine before it was ripe.

 

I hate her for killing what could've been!

 

A friend of mine said something interesting though. Sometimes the girls who are the most fun to hangout with are also the craziest.

 

So she once admitted to me about a month ago that she always enjoyed hanging out with me and we had great chemistry together.

 

So why the F would she not want to keep doing it? That's crazy in my books. The girls who I walked away from was b/c they were boring or just not sexually fun to be with.

 

MTB Biker and Stray are the strong ones here, me and McGriff have been hanging on like little kids to mommy's leg.

 

So IDK what happens next. I think we all just want that day to come where that biotch doesn't creep into our minds. That first day when we don't think about what they are doing, who their with, do they think about us? Blah blah blah.

 

When does that day come?

 

Yeah, I feel like my RS was cut short too, but on the other hand, looking back, it was definitely spiraling downwards over the last year or so. I guess I just didn't care, or want to address it. We still had fun and enjoyed being with each other (I think) at least until the very end. That wasn't very fun!

 

I was comfy/lazy and just didn't want to deal with moving out, processing the BU and being single again. Well, I guess she helped me along. Thanks!!

 

Hahahaha. I would never consider myself as 'strong' throughout the last 6 months. Actually a weak piece of shyte sounds better

 

Yup, just waiting for the day of indifference. C'mon already... Hurry up. I mean really, how much do we have to suffer??

[HuffmanMontana]

yea man, a week is nothing. She'll pop back up just when you think shes gone.

 

I'll never understand why some dumpers can't just move on.

 

It makes me think they have some serious emotional issues.

[McGriff]

yea man, a week is nothing. She'll pop back up just when you think shes gone.

 

i never understand why some dumpers just can't move on

 

It makes me think they have some serious emotional issues.

 

 

THIS in bold is what I don't understand. She broke up with me, and we had nothing but amazing times and chemistry. I have told her (as you know) that we can't be friends. She just keeps on bread crumbling. It's like "WTF DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"