Brunettie Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 My boyfriend (of 1 year) and I were talking the other day and he said a fear of his was that he didn't know if he'd be happy having sex with only one person for the rest of his life. That he felt he could be married to me, and have those in love feelings with me, but also have them for someone else. He said he did not have feelings for anyone else at the moment, and that he is fine as of right now, only having sex with me. He just did not know if in the future, he still would be. >>He said that the past few weeks he has been thinking, and can see a future with me. I am thinking that that kind of made him a little nervous. He says he does want to get married and have kids, that is one of his major ambitions in life. I talked to my best friend (who is also friends with him) and she told me she is certain (based on what she knows of him, their conversations, etc) that this is just a phase or him freaking himself out and that it will pass. I know him very, very well obviously (although I know he knows himself better than I do) and I believe it is a phase/cold feet type of thing. He has said in the past that he likes monogamy, and wants that. So for him to just randomly say this the other day was kind of a shock to me..
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Not a good sign, i wouldnt want to stay with someone if they were not happy with just being with me. I would end it, as hard as it is because he will either cheat or break up with you if his thoughts are like this...
crederer Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Sounds like he is planting the seeds for a swinger life style. He sounds very honest at least, gotta give him points for that.
Estate Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 My boyfriend (of 1 year) and I were talking the other day and he said a fear of his was that he didn't know if he'd be happy having sex with only one person for the rest of his life. That he felt he could be married to me, and have those in love feelings with me, but also have them for someone else. He said he did not have feelings for anyone else at the moment, and that he is fine as of right now, only having sex with me. He just did not know if in the future, he still would be. >>He said that the past few weeks he has been thinking, and can see a future with me. I am thinking that that kind of made him a little nervous. He says he does want to get married and have kids, that is one of his major ambitions in life. I talked to my best friend (who is also friends with him) and she told me she is certain (based on what she knows of him, their conversations, etc) that this is just a phase or him freaking himself out and that it will pass. I know him very, very well obviously (although I know he knows himself better than I do) and I believe it is a phase/cold feet type of thing. He has said in the past that he likes monogamy, and wants that. So for him to just randomly say this the other day was kind of a shock to me.. It happens when people get together and get too intense when they are too young and inexperienced. Once a guy gets over the "OMG, I can't believe a girl likes me" phase, he starts to wonder what if he should meet other women before settling down. It's actually fairly natural. People shouldn't settle for thei first or an early relationship.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Props to him for being honest with you, but it's not a great sign. Did you ask him directly what brought this on? It's fairly normal when you're young to want to experience that kind of thing. It sounds like he is not as ready for commitment as he thought he was. If I were you, I wouldn't invest too much more in the relationship for a little while. (ie, don't start making plans for the future) If it really is cold feet, it will pass but don't put all your eggs in that basket.
Author Brunettie Posted June 19, 2013 Author Posted June 19, 2013 Props to him for being honest with you, but it's not a great sign. Did you ask him directly what brought this on? It's fairly normal when you're young to want to experience that kind of thing. It sounds like he is not as ready for commitment as he thought he was. If I were you, I wouldn't invest too much more in the relationship for a little while. (ie, don't start making plans for the future) If it really is cold feet, it will pass but don't put all your eggs in that basket. He just said he had been thinking about the future, and can see one with me. Him thinking about the future was what brought this on.
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 I would chalk this up to thinking out loud to the wrong person. Everyone has fears when it comes to long term commitments, I wouldn't go to my man and tell him I am afraid I will fall out of love with him in the future. Lol I can say I would be pretty cautious moving forwar with the relationship if it was me. That is because I feel it would be a clash in priorities. I love sex, but I don't ever think about having it with ANYONE else other than my man. If he said it was a worry of his... It would make me re-evaluate the relationship.
Author Brunettie Posted June 19, 2013 Author Posted June 19, 2013 I would chalk this up to thinking out loud to the wrong person. Everyone has fears when it comes to long term commitments, I wouldn't go to my man and tell him I am afraid I will fall out of love with him in the future. Lol I can say I would be pretty cautious moving forwar with the relationship if it was me. That is because I feel it would be a clash in priorities. I love sex, but I don't ever think about having it with ANYONE else other than my man. If he said it was a worry of his... It would make me re-evaluate the relationship. Everything has literally been perfect. Our anniversary was 2 weeks ago, and he said some insanely sweet/romantic and thoughtful things about me, and got me a really expensive gift and when I said it was too much, he shook his head and said exactly why he got it for me. I can tell by the way he looks at me that he really loves me, there's no doubt in my mind. And like I said in the original post, he said (not too long ago) that he is a fan of monogamy, and wants that. So him now saying this was just weird and random..
sweetheart5381 Posted June 19, 2013 Posted June 19, 2013 Everything has literally been perfect. Our anniversary was 2 weeks ago, and he said some insanely sweet/romantic and thoughtful things about me, and got me a really expensive gift and when I said it was too much, he shook his head and said exactly why he got it for me. I can tell by the way he looks at me that he really loves me, there's no doubt in my mind. And like I said in the original post, he said (not too long ago) that he is a fan of monogamy, and wants that. So him now saying this was just weird and random.. You know, I have a very, very close lifelong male friend that told me he felt this fear through most of his adult life. His words were that he was scared of only being in "One vagina" for the rest of his life. At the same time, this same man attempted to move mountains to get his wife back after she cheated on him in their 8 yr marriage (he never, ever cheated). She left him because he gained too much weight, drank too much, blamed her affair on his lack of attention for her, etc. He quit drinking and became a marathon runner for her. He spends his life devoted to their children's needs and anytime they need him he is there. He changed and wanted nothing more than his marriage back. Pussy was never on his mind. Food for thought
Author Brunettie Posted June 20, 2013 Author Posted June 20, 2013 You know, I have a very, very close lifelong male friend that told me he felt this fear through most of his adult life. His words were that he was scared of only being in "One vagina" for the rest of his life. At the same time, this same man attempted to move mountains to get his wife back after she cheated on him in their 8 yr marriage (he never, ever cheated). She left him because he gained too much weight, drank too much, blamed her affair on his lack of attention for her, etc. He quit drinking and became a marathon runner for her. He spends his life devoted to their children's needs and anytime they need him he is there. He changed and wanted nothing more than his marriage back. Pussy was never on his mind. Food for thought So...are you telling me not to worry then? lol
sweetheart5381 Posted June 20, 2013 Posted June 20, 2013 So...are you telling me not to worry then? lol What I am saying is that guys feel these things... they are hard-wired that way. But if a man is by your side when you need him, assures you that he loves and wants you then don't worry. A good man's second/little head is second for a reason Your man seems to know what he wants and that's YOU. In fact, he is willing to talk to you about deep-seeded feelings. That's real love. When you love someone, you sometimes have to "buck up" and get ready to hear things that you don't really want to. (Within reason of course, hell he didn't say he wanted to screw your best friend, did he??) He told you how he really felt and that is awesome.
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