How to deal with an ex [dumper] who owes the dumpee money?

[HopelessRomantick]

So what advice can you all offer for when the dumper-Ex owes the dumpee-Me money.

 

An amount of money that is in the form of a 5 year debt and cannot be ignored?

 

She is willing to make monthly payments but I know this will suck for me emotionally and be a painfully drawn out process for a few years to come.

 

She lives in another country and doesn't make a huge salary and I know she doesn't have an savings.

 

So what to do? Am I stuck just having to grin and bear it?

 

I wanna tell her to have her *new* boyfriend pay me back since he gets to reap the benefits of her career of which I paid for the education. But I'm afraid that is mean to say.

 

Thoughts?

[SimonSerenade]

That's hard to say, I asked a similar question a while back and every answer was more or less the same, let it go, money comes and goes and that's just life, probably much harder in your situation as I'm geussing a LOT of money is owed, is say be the bigger person and let them have it but I geuss thats not an option?, I suppose the first place to start is asking nicely and openly talking about and see if there's any way the money can be payed back overtime rather than just all at once.

[marqueemoon4]

How much is an amount that can't be ignored? If its under like $500 you should prob just let it go...

[HopelessRomantick]

10's of thousands that will take 5 years to pay it off. I considered letting it go but it's a big chunk of money and my life to deal with it. If it was money spent and no debt then live and learn.

 

I guess that is probably the only and best advice is to get it in one lump. Seems like no other choice other than giving it up.

Edited June 17, 2013 by HopelessRomantick

[SimonSerenade]

I would say you need a solicitor (lawyer) for that kind of money, talk about it first and be nice and if she doesn't respond leave it in the hands of the law to do the talking for you, I think that's all you can do in a situation like that.

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm no attorney, but the way I see it

 

 

Bottom line is that if you dont have some sort of written agreement with her, then she wont be obligated to pay you back..Even if it was a "verbal agreement" she can contend that it was a gift and there was no intent to pay back..Essentially you are now calling it a loan because it didnt work out.

 

BTW, understand I dont know all of the details, just that I have seen some of these things go down and this is usually the outcome.

 

I wish you well

 

TFY

[marqueemoon4]

10's of thousands that will take 5 years to pay it off. I considered letting it go but it's a big chunk of money and my life to deal with it. If it was money spent and no debt then live and learn.

 

I guess that is probably the only and best advice is to get it in one lump. Seems like no other choice other than giving it up.

 

whoa... that's definitely enough to warrant consulting an attorney.

[HopelessRomantick]

Well thanks for the feedback everyone. She did agree to pay and will start on a monthly plan but she's gonna have to try to secure a loan of some kind.

 

Any thoughts on telling her to have her *new* boyfriend lend it to her?

[Million.to.1]

 

Any thoughts on telling her to have her *new* boyfriend lend it to her?

 

No way! Makes you look bitter and really, it has nothing to do with him. She can ask him for a loan but that's not up to you to suggest.

 

If she is going to start repaying you monthly for now, great. I agree with others posters and seek legal advice soon. Keep her onside and don't get let disscussion about it get ugly. You may still be able to get her to sign something like a "repayment plan" that could be legally binding perhaps? if she doesn't have reason to not to by you baiting her with "get your Bf to pay" that is....

 

Can you elaborate on how paying for her education came about? What did she study? why does she live overseas now etc?

[Ordinaryday]

You DONT get it back from them, you never will and it is not worth the hassle and if you constantly have to keep chasing her up about it you will get a constant window into her life and who she is now sleeping with. Not worth it.

 

You let it go and be smarter in the future to not give that kind of sum to anyone, and if she ever contacts you in the future for anything tell her you have nothing to say to her until she pays you back, which she never will.