princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 So the other night, he asked me if we should be "just friends" (after knowing each other for 2 weeks). i asked him why and he said it was becuase he thought i really wanted children and i HAD said i wanted children in the next few years, while he adamantly doesn't want kids... he said that he thought further down the relationship we'd just realize the roadblock and it would cause pain basically (cuz we'd obviously have to break up). he also said he can't see himself committing exclusively right now after his ltr of 3.5 years (ended a few months ago). and he doesn't want the "expectations" that come with a relationship. well, the thing is for a while i thought i really wanted kids and i think it was because my life felt empty... but since getting my social life back in order (by moving to a different city), i don't feel the urge to have a baby anymore. i told him that, and he told me to get a pet (lol). i suggested we just see where things go and i think he agreed. so my question is: what's his deal? is he not into me??
xpaperxcutx Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 He was honest about his wants and needs and he saw his incompatibility with you. You on the other hand, is relenting your personal wants to fit him. It's not going to end pretty because you will notice you will want more. 1
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 no, i'm not giving up on my personal needs to suit him. i just had a change of heart. i think i'm too selfish to have children
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I have to ask though WHY are you talking about kids in 2 weeks? Id run for the hills, you want a kid after a few years with someone? That wont end well...and it probably made it sound like you wanted kids with HIM...
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 because for a while wanting kids was a big part of my life. i asked him if he wanted kids as a sort of filter -- to see if we were compatible for long-term dating. now, i think i just wanted them because i was pretty depressed....
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 So the other night, he asked me if we should be "just friends" (after knowing each other for 2 weeks). i asked him why and he said it was becuase he thought i really wanted children and i HAD said i wanted children in the next few years, while he adamantly doesn't want kids... he said that he thought further down the relationship we'd just realize the roadblock and it would cause pain basically (cuz we'd obviously have to break up). he also said he can't see himself committing exclusively right now after his ltr of 3.5 years (ended a few months ago). and he doesn't want the "expectations" that come with a relationship. well, the thing is for a while i thought i really wanted kids and i think it was because my life felt empty... but since getting my social life back in order (by moving to a different city), i don't feel the urge to have a baby anymore. i told him that, and he told me to get a pet (lol). i suggested we just see where things go and i think he agreed. so my question is: what's his deal? is he not into me?? I see this as the most relevant piece of information right now. He's been honest and said he won't commit to you. Forget the desire for children for a moment because I don't think that's the primary reason he suggested being friends. He doesn't see a relationship with you, at least not a serious one. If you're okay with dating him casually and him seeing other girls, go for it. If not, cut your losses before you wind up getting hurt. It sucks, but at least he was upfront about that.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 You probably scared him, never talk about kids with someone UNLESS they are committed to you..
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 expat: do you think he'll ever change his mind about that? is it just because it's too soon after his LTR and he needs more time being single?
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 You probably scared him, never talk about kids with someone UNLESS they are committed to you.. yeah, you're right.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 because for a while wanting kids was a big part of my life. i asked him if he wanted kids as a sort of filter -- to see if we were compatible for long-term dating. now, i think i just wanted them because i was pretty depressed.... What made you reconsider that, though? Had you already had a change of heart before he said this a was dealbreaker for him? Given that you've known him such a short time, it probably seems odd to him that you went from wanting to have children to not really wanting children in the span of 14 days. 4
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 What made you reconsider that, though? Had you already had a change of heart before he said this a was dealbreaker for him? Given that you've known him such a short time, it probably seems odd to him that you went from wanting to have children to not really wanting children in the span of 14 days. i just started like actually having a social life in the span of these 14 days. i started hanging out with him and other close friends, realized there's too much to lose
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 24 (me) and 30. and i think when i thought/told people i wanted kids, i wasn't 100% serious about it. it was just a vague goal, something i thought would make me happy, because i saw no other outlets
Estate Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Yeah hes not..sorry I mean there's no winning. This guy was actually pretty up front about thing. He didn't lead her on, he wasn't wishy washy. She told him what she wanted from a relationship and he told her up front he wasn't looking for the same things and that maybe it was better they didn't get serious... this WOULD be a big roadblock later on when it would end up way more painfully. Yet, he does that and he's STILL in the wrong? What was his other option? Lead her on just to get some? Sure, you'd sing his praises then I'm sure
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I mean there's no winning. This guy was actually pretty up front about thing. He didn't lead her on, he wasn't wishy washy. She told him what she wanted from a relationship and he told her up front he wasn't looking for the same things and that maybe it was better they didn't get serious... this WOULD be a big roadblock later on when it would end up way more painfully. Yet, he does that and he's STILL in the wrong? What was his other option? Lead her on just to get some? Sure, you'd sing his praises then I'm sure no one is saying he did anything WRONG. i'm asking people here if he's 100% "not interested" or give any sort of insight they may have 1
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I mean there's no winning. This guy was actually pretty up front about thing. He didn't lead her on, he wasn't wishy washy. She told him what she wanted from a relationship and he told her up front he wasn't looking for the same things and that maybe it was better they didn't get serious... this WOULD be a big roadblock later on when it would end up way more painfully. Yet, he does that and he's STILL in the wrong? What was his other option? Lead her on just to get some? Sure, you'd sing his praises then I'm sure I never said he was? I dont know how you even interpreted what i said like that.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 24 (me) and 30. and i think when i thought/told people i wanted kids, i wasn't 100% serious about it. it was just a vague goal, something i thought would make me happy, because i saw no other outlets I think you scared him ESPECIALLY since he got out of a LTR....have you guys slept together?
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 yeah we've slept together already
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Way too soon for the kid talk, but youll learn from this i hope. hes also probably is not looking for a serious relationship as he just got out of one. It could be a combo of these, but be thankful you found out within 2 weeks. I would wish him luck, but stop seeing him.
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 i do like hanging out with him though, cuz we have a lot in common, so idk if i could just stop seeing him... and if i do see him it'll probably lead to sex. i think i'm just going to start seeing other people on the side to loosen up my feelings.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 This is a horrible idea, ive done fwb and it never works. You are not going to change his mind, and hes not going to magically fall for you. I just ended an on and off fwb situation that lasted a year trust me....spare yourself the heartbreak.
KatZee Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 He was honest about his wants and needs and he saw his incompatibility with you. You on the other hand, is relenting your personal wants to fit him. It's not going to end pretty because you will notice you will want more. Agreed. Also, you shouldn't be telling guys you've just met that you want kids. It's a major flag, and it'll put a stop to anything just blooming. That's the fastest way to freak a guy out. Another also, is that having kids to fill empty voids in your life is NOT the reason to have kids. They're not things you acquire in your life because you want to feel loved, or you want to have constant "friends" in your life. A child is tons of work, and they aren't guaranteed to unconditionally love you. The last reason to have kids is because you're lonely. He doesn't want kids. End it. You KNOW you want kids, and to stay and "see where things go" is just a waste of his time and a waste of yours. You're not going to magically change his mind.
Author princess66666 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Agreed. Also, you shouldn't be telling guys you've just met that you want kids. It's a major flag, and it'll put a stop to anything just blooming. That's the fastest way to freak a guy out. Another also, is that having kids to fill empty voids in your life is NOT the reason to have kids. They're not things you acquire in your life because you want to feel loved, or you want to have constant "friends" in your life. A child is tons of work, and they aren't guaranteed to unconditionally love you. The last reason to have kids is because you're lonely. He doesn't want kids. End it. You KNOW you want kids, and to stay and "see where things go" is just a waste of his time and a waste of yours. You're not going to magically change his mind. i know, that's why i'm putting off thoughts of children for now. no, i dont even know if i wants kids anymore to be honest. i think i'm going to fill that void by trying for law school.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 You are way too invested after 2 weeks, imagine how much worse its going to get. im sure you wont listen to me though.
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