Thinking of getting divorced, worried about meeting people afterwards...

[cloudie bay]

Not sure if this is the right place to post this or not, since this is the first time I have posted a thread of my own. Ok, lots of issues here, but will try to keep it brief and sum it all up quickly. Got married young (20) because I was pregnant and have since had another child and have been married for 15 years. Have not been happy in my marriage for a very long time. Had a whirlwind affair with a married man from work that lasted a year and a half, although it was on again, off again, and very tumultous. The final break up (on my part) was 3 weeks ago. Bottom line, he isnt leaving his wife, ever. Many excuses, when the kids are older, I want it to be on good terms, etc. All BS. BTW, she knew about us and chose to forgive and move on even though he was still seeing me behind her back.

 

Anyway, this brings me to now. I am no longer in love with my husband and have not slept with him in almost 6 mos and only slept wth him maybe 3 or 4 times in the 8 months or so prior to that. We sleep in seperate bedrooms most of the times. He works nights and I work days, and he simply refuses to change his workl schedule to take a more active role in our family and married life. Leaves me to believe he is just no longer interested in saving the marriage. Basically, I think he is just waiting me out to tell him to go finally. There has been a lot of discussion the last few months about splitting up but never seems to go anywhere I guess because I keep giving in and like him, ignoring the issues and just going through the motions. Its just easier I guess.

 

I am 36 years old and do not want to live like this anymore. I make a decent salary but not enough to stay in my house when we finally split up. I am alone all of the time and hate going to bed alone at night and having no one to share my life with.

 

I guess what I am getting too is that I am also afraid of being alone. Im afraid I will never meet anyone and that it will be difficult with two kids, ages 15 and 9. You know, the baggage thing. What is the consensus out there about women my age meeting decent men even though we have baggaage? Thoughts????

[250r]

Your still young and have a long and full life ahead of you. Sounds like it is not only best for you but for your entire family. The children have to know what is going on. Regardless, I don't think you'll have to much of a problem meeting people - be honest, be yourself and I'm sure you'll meet the right guy. Don't rush into anything, yet don't be hasty. Best wishes...

[reservoirdog1]

At the risk of sounding like I'm trivializing... try online dating services. They've worked well for me, at least with respect to getting out and meeting people. Times have changed; they're used by people of all physical descriptions, ages, occupations, etc. If you want, you can search specifically for men with kids, so that at least they'll be on the same page as you.

 

Like you, I married young (24) and am now an almost-divorced guy at the age of 32 with two small kids. While I haven't found "the one" yet, I've dated a number of women, several of whom have kids themselves. Great basis of commonality.

 

The other benefit to online services is that you don't have to walk up to random people and talk to them, only to find out you have nothing in common with them; you can "pre-screen" before you even initiate contact and greatly increase your odds.

 

All the best!

[findinmyway]

The first, and most useful, advice I received on LS was from Enigma. I posted a question regarding my marriage. Not exactly your situation, but whether I should stay or go. I'm actually divorced already, but have been living together attempting reconciliation. Enigma said this

Leave only when you can say "I would rather spend the rest of my life alone than to remain in my marriage". This is a very good indicator of whether or not you are ready to leave. And, the sad truth is that there is a good chance you could end up alone. It is even harder the second time around.

[on the edge]

knowing that each situation is different, i tend to lean towards the thought ...it's the fear of the unknown...not knowing what the future has in store for us that keeps us from getting out of "bad" relationships. it's so easy to fall back in the familiar, instead of pushing forward. i realize that this is probably not the best way to compare, but i see it like sort of like a really bad burn...it hurts like hell at first to get the burn scrubbed and cleaned, but is necessary for the healing process to begin. it might take awhile, but soon the healing and mending start and continues until you are better.

i stayed in a marriage far too long for the fear of being alone. bad mistake! being single with a teenage daughter is far better than living "alone" with someone who was supposed to be a husband/father. i also figured this is a great time to find myself again and to truly be happy. my daughter also deserves to have a mom who can be there for her in all facets of life and to feel safe and be happy as well. maybe down the road i will meet someone to spend life with, be in love and actually have fun together! something that was really missing in my life/marriage. but i couldn't do all this if i chose to stay with the "familiar". take control, be strong and get your life back for you and your children-there is a whole world out there for your taking! don't let it pass you by! don't worry-like 250r said-be honest, be yourself and you'll meet the right guy!