SeeingRed Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I came on to this website for some information on how I should handle an ex lieing all over the place about me. Its was many years ago that we were together but recently I have found out that he is speaking lies about me and people are just eating it right up. I don't know what to do, do I go mad at him and tell him I know? He has no clue I know what he is doing. I mean he can call me all he wants it don't bother me, but some of the stuff he is saying is pure bull****. I think he is doing it to get people to feel sorry for him, or maybe he is in a fantasy world I don't know. He made out that he was the victim, when in fact, it was me that was the victim. Any help would be appreciated. Thanks
Justletgo Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 If someone says bad things about you to others and you care, defend yourself. But try not to get mad about it whilst doing it. In my experience if someone talks crap to others about you and you do not do anything about it they will believe it. So always also give your side of the story if you care. Odd that he's still mad about it, did you break up with him?
Author SeeingRed Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 If someone says bad things about you to others and you care, defend yourself. But try not to get mad about it whilst doing it. In my experience if someone talks crap to others about you and you do not do anything about it they will believe it. So always also give your side of the story if you care. Odd that he's still mad about it, did you break up with him? Yes, I did break up with him. It was a very emotionally abusive relationship. As far as I know he is in a relationship, as am I, but i just dont understand why he is saying things now. He did lie about me when we broke up, but that stopped for a while and now he is going on and on again.
will1988 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 have you bad mouthed him? When a bad break up happens both parties tend to play the victim to their respective group of friends... if they share friends, generally the females side with the female ex, and the males side with the male ex... unless they want to be a rebound or something for the female ex. When my first gf and I broke up like 6 years ago she bad mouthed me to all of her female friends, in turn i did the same thing to her but to our male friends. I had just turned 19, so while it was catty and immature then, i always felt that if someone does you wrong you do them wrong back. Now-in-days i take a more adult forgiving approach.
Author SeeingRed Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 have you bad mouthed him? When a bad break up happens both parties tend to play the victim to their respective group of friends... if they share friends, generally the females side with the female ex, and the males side with the male ex... unless they want to be a rebound or something for the female ex. When my first gf and I broke up like 6 years ago she bad mouthed me to all of her female friends, in turn i did the same thing to her but to our male friends. I had just turned 19, so while it was catty and immature then, i always felt that if someone does you wrong you do them wrong back. Now-in-days i take a more adult forgiving approach. No i haven't. but the thing is tho, he is not just calling me names, he is saying that i did things when i didn't. making me out as if i am a monster. and when he speaks to me he is nice as pie. I have seen him do it on the internet to total strangers too. i just dont know what he gets out of it at all. its not so much the name calling, its all the lies he is telling people, basically all the things he did to me, he is saying i did to him.
Author SeeingRed Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Hmm, are you really that inocent? Because some people like to speak like they are while they just want us to feel sorry for them. But if what you say is true I think if its something that big that is happening because he is doing that you can call him once and tell him in a professional way (not emotional) that you have heard this and that, and you ant him to stop, because you dont like it and its over between you and him so there is no need to keep bringing the past again. Keep it short. Or if its just some people talking bad about you. You can just ignor it or tell them the same thing. Like you had a relationship with him a year ago and if there are stuff that did not went well you think its something between you and him and you are not about to explain anything to people that have noting to with that and its past. Now you are living in present. Done. Dont go explaining yourself to the whle world. If its your parents or sisters , okay. But at some point you need to keep this dude in the past and learn from your experience with him. You cant win from everybody. And the more you start explaining yourself the more messy it will get . Especially if its with people that are not close to you. thankyou for your advice. but it cannot be the past since we have a kid. I just looked up the thread and realized i didn't put it on :S im sure i typed it.
flitzanu Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 the whole world talks about everyone behind their backs, whi cares? youre not going to accomplish anything by contacting him or starting a fight. if people believe it, they obviously arent your friends. 1
Author SeeingRed Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 The people aren't my friends. And I know it shouldn't bother me the the fact is it does. I don't like people lieing and making me out to be a monster when I face it's him that was the monster.
flitzanu Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 The people aren't my friends. And I know it shouldn't bother me the the fact is it does. I don't like people lieing and making me out to be a monster when I face it's him that was the monster. oh i understand, but the problem is, you can't force anyone to shut up, and you can't stop the world from talking. if you confront him, it's only going to validate things he's saying because then he can say "oh look at the crazy b##$^! still harassing me!!" see what i'm saying? the more you push, the more he's going to use it as ammo to prove his dumb lies.
bluegreen Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 That's called projection what he is and does he projects on you. I know its hard but do not try to defend yourself or explain yourself there is only one above us who can judge us rest of them f.... them all. People will spin stories any way they wish you start issue over this he is going to gloat and feel validated his crones will add up more details about it all to fill up their own miserable f.. up lives they pretend to be so perfect. Step back and simply sarcastically smile : )) say oh he is still thinking of me that much well you see I don't think of him at all ? And walk away like a lady they will s... bricks over it get back to him and he will scream like little wuss that he is ( been there done that )
2sure Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 My daughters dad and I have not been together since she was an infant. For the last 17 years he has whined and complained about me, parenting, child support, his life To anyone who will listen as well as those who will not. Everything is my fault. I didn't even know him that long. When he insisted on speaking to me directly I asked him every single time "when are you going to stop being a cry baby bytch? On tuesday maybe? No? Next year then?" He eventually stopped. I never defended myself to him or the people he led to. If he starts again, that's what he'll get. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) Yep, my ex has continually spewed **** about me that wasn't in any way true, and every single one of his exes after me (that he screwed around on, abused, spent time in jail) told me all about it. They believed his lies at the time... til he did it to them too. Then they came and talked to me. Go figure. Bottom line is... dont give a f**k what your ex says or their cohorts. Live your life and forget theirs. I have a child with my abusive ex (yet he still believes he is the victim) and I still don't care. F**k him. In fact, this man's ex before me just killed herself this past week, he took her son from her and turned her young son against her. She was 34 yrs old. It killed her slowly over the last 10 yrs. He painted such a horrific picture of a woman that loved her son dearly and she GAVE UP. GAVE IN to his treatment of her. Give your ex the finger and move on. No need to worry, he will burn in time. Edited June 18, 2013 by sweetheart5381
Mack05 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 The people aren't my friends. And I know it shouldn't bother me the the fact is it does. I don't like people lieing and making me out to be a monster when I face it's him that was the monster. This just comes down to insecurity. If you were really happy with your new man and had self belief in abundance, you wouldn't give a monkeys nutsack what this guy says about you. It would be waters down a ducks back. Is it effecting your close relationships? No, so let the baby have his bottle. 1
Author SeeingRed Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 This just comes down to insecurity. If you were really happy with your new man and had self belief in abundance, you wouldn't give a monkeys nutsack what this guy says about you. It would be waters down a ducks back. Is it effecting your close relationships? No, so let the baby have his bottle. I'm just mostly worried he is telling al this to our son. I don't want my son hearing lies about me. I am happy with my man. I wouldn't be with him if I wasn't. That's just how I am. The main one is saying that I was abusive. I think it's just plain sick to say lies like that about people. But I think I am just going to leave him to it.
LostOne1 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 lets face it.. in a break up it may get dirty like this... what do you expect? That both of you will not have any pain or anger? Just let him do what ever.. sooner or later he will stop and move on.
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