this is so dumb

[Thorne]

I live 2 hrs away from my boyf. I love him heaps, I need to get over it cos his ex is back hanging around him at his mothers place where he lives. He even told me she slept over the other night. She was helping him build his shed isn't that f**king sweet? So thing is he was with her when we met, he cheated on her for me, yes I know its bad. first sign right there. he tells me he'll never go back to her, he avoiding telling her he loved her and was only with her cos he didn't think he'd find anyone else. Yet now he has me, im supposed to relocate to be nearer to him. I suggested a rental together but he didn't want that. He told me at one point (I hdn't said I love u at all before this) that he 'didn't wnt to scare me but he loved me and could see us being together forever'. though when we first went out he kept going to her place for about a month until some other people made that stop. He had to go there one last time while I was with him to sort it out and his ex asked to talk to him, first he said no but then she went round corner with him. he was in my view but then I heard him say "no she's looking" he later told me that she had asked for a hug but he didn't want me to see that. he ducked round the corner with her twice so I couldn't see him. I could also see by the way his arm was that she was touching him. this whole thing confused me. I heard rumors about him asking to spend 2 nights a week at her place and that she was making him lunchs for work still. She was also calling obsessively at first. He told me he wanted her out of his life for good. but now she is back. And he stands up for her. I had it and said she was an obsessed b*tch and he said "maybe you are". This hurts like hell cos I love him and want to be with him but I need to get over him cos he's a lying, using, cheating piece of crap. Even if they haven't done anything physical it's clear he doesn't care about me and can't stick to his word. He has a rep as a cheater, he told me he was different now and I gave him a chance but he has done nothing but crap all over that. I can't stop thinking about this right now. His behaviour and his ex's has now turned ME into being consumed by it. Its isn't healthy and I hate this. I tried to break up with him but can't. even though it should be easy since he mostly ignores me til he wants something. but I sent him a msg saying goodbye last night then he sent me a goodnight and love u msg. I think he does it on purpose to fk with me. I tried again today on fb but ended up asking him to call me. after I said goodbye and ill miss you- the only msg he replied to saying he'd miss me too. (Sounds like he really cares soooo much if I not with him right? LOL) then I got all messed up and sent heaps of msgs, even though I knew it was messed up I couldn't help myself. he never replyed to any until I said sorry I had a spaz day pls call me, all I got from that was 'call ya tomorrow'. which he probably wont anyway :/ this is making me feel crazy and stupid. I want his ex to piss off but even if she does whats the point? I want him but how will I ever know whats been going on unless one of them tell me? I can't have the person I really want so I need to know how to kill these feelings. Sorry this is long. Been with him about 8months. Suddenly in last week or so its all gotten intense and weird for me. I don't like it. also at the start he was very into me, sat close, arm alwas around me. always held my hand then one day he did a turn about. I felt the change, he still held my hand ect at times but it became me reaching for him mostly. even when we watched a movie it went from him pulling me close to lay with him to him sitting in a chair while I lay on his bed. I know some men like to be full on to get u to fall for them then withdraw and hold back affection to cause pain, Im beginning to feel this is his game. Its the way it happened. I hope this is understandable, I felt it happening cos s first I fet him always wanting to be close to me then it was suddenly gone. It took me a bit to notice how it was affecting me and making me want to be near him more though. its like he try to make me dependant (and feel like I do now) and enjoying not giving me affection back.

Edited June 17, 2013 by Thorne
more info

[Thorne]

also he has heaps of exs on fb, one msg I saw was him saying to one girl he missed her, when we talked about it he said if she was avail and not with me he'd be with her. Also he added some random chick on fb and when I asked him about it he said he didn't even know her and just asked her who she was. yet when I asked him to see the msgs he said ok, excused himself to 'go to the toilet' then came back and said 'oh I deleted them' when we argued about this later he insist they were innocent yet seemed to enjoy telling me I would never know so get over it.also he say he will take me somewhere I want to go then we spend hours where he wants and gets mad if I make him take me where I wanted to go. I think he is passive aggressive. He has skimpys on his fb account too, I told him I don't like it why he need them when he has me but he keeps them there.

[CherryT]

Perhaps he’s with you because he doesn’t have someone else closer to him… yet. I’m sorry to say this, but his actions are speaking much louder than his words. And he is making it clear that he is someone that cannot be trusted and does not have your best interest at heart. He has his own interest at heart… he’s too afraid to be alone so when you’re not around, he needs attention from somewhere else. He probably enjoys the fact that his ex is still wanting to be around and isn’t doing much about it… obviously. He’s enjoying watching both of you fight over him.

 

I don’t understand why girls like you get upset with girls like his ex? I mean, the issue isn’t the ex wanting to talk to her ex… she didn’t get closure. And even if his ex was out of the picture, there will always be someone else. Narcissistic men like this use any opportunity to get the attention they crave. The ex was cheated on and the poor thing doesn’t have enough self-respect to walk away. She still feels she should fight for what was hers to begin with. You also don’t have much self-respect if you let this guy, right in front of you, try to “hide” things. “Oh, I can’t because she’ll see…” what kind of loyal bf does that to their GF? Imagine what he may be doing when you’re not around.

 

Never fall for words… if they say they love you, let them prove it with their actions. It’s not hard and you’ll know instantly if they’re in it for the right reasons. If he ignores you until he wants something, why are you still sticking around? Have some self respect and walk away. Let him chase you, but never look back.

 

You can’t have the person who you really want because the person you want, is a fantasy. You’re putting this guy on a pedestal saying you love him and want him… but why? Why do you want a cheating, lying, sack of sh*t?

 

I don’t think he’s making you do anything… he’s playing his games and it’s very easy for you to get wrapped around his finger. If someone doesn’t treat you right/with respect, you should walk away. That’s not a game, it should be a rule. He’s not giving you affection because he’s probably getting it from someone else and he can’t be bothered to put the energy into you anymore. He’s moved on, like most serial cheaters do. I suggest not dating someone who will cheat with you because if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you. You’ve already seen first hand how he manipulates the situation.

[melodicintention]

Facebook will ruin every relationship if you use it to measure real life. I quit that BS site long ago after it destroyed more than one friendship & relationship (mine and my friends). That site is no good. You will alwasy be reading stuff into whatever he does that is likely not reflective of real life.

[justwhoiam]

I think he doesn't know what he wants yet. Probably he's still into his ex, but knows it cannot last with her because she's a PITA. So even if they got back together, it'd be just a matter of time, they would break up soon or later. If after weeks, months or years., we don't know. But hardly lasting.

 

Also, he's a jerk because of the things he says, which would be hardly justifyable if he were 17. As I guess he's not, he's a patented jerk. If there were a licence around for that, he would have it ad honorem.

 

So yes, you're right, you can't waste your time and effort on someone like this guy. Defacebook him ASAP. And start ignoring him for good. No explanation, no closure. He doesn't deserve one. He should be over you in less than a week. Ease him into the relationship with this other girl he liked and was considering while being with you.

 

Keep NC endlessly. When you feel tempted to reach out to him, write something in here and do something else that can keep you distracted.

[Thorne]

I think he doesn't know what he wants yet. Probably he's still into his ex, but knows it cannot last with her because she's a PITA. So even if they got back together, it'd be just a matter of time, they would break up soon or later. If after weeks, months or years., we don't know. But hardly lasting.

 

Also, he's a jerk because of the things he says, which would be hardly justifyable if he were 17. As I guess he's not, he's a patented jerk. If there were a licence around for that, he would have it ad honorem.

 

So yes, you're right, you can't waste your time and effort on someone like this guy. Defacebook him ASAP. And start ignoring him for good. No explanation, no closure. He doesn't deserve one. He should be over you in less than a week. Ease him into the relationship with this other girl he liked and was considering while being with you.

 

Keep NC endlessly. When you feel tempted to reach out to him, write something in here and do something else that can keep you distracted.

He's 32 -_- so he definitely knows better. He said he will never go back but then she would be gone. You are so right I just find it hard to stay away, never felt so strongly for a guy, I think it's cos he plays things so sweet and says nice stuff, does the whole hand holding and gentle,sweet hugs ect. Its kind of sick when you think about it really. Hate players. How can I stop myself? I mean ok I can come here but it doesn't stop me msg him, can't make myself get rid of him on fb as yet cos I'm just feeling weak you know. I know it's lame but it's how I am right now. Will try to ignore him though. I have no phone cred right now so that helps

[Thorne]

Perhaps he’s with you because he doesn’t have someone else closer to him… yet. I’m sorry to say this, but his actions are speaking much louder than his words. And he is making it clear that he is someone that cannot be trusted and does not have your best interest at heart. He has his own interest at heart… he’s too afraid to be alone so when you’re not around, he needs attention from somewhere else. He probably enjoys the fact that his ex is still wanting to be around and isn’t doing much about it… obviously. He’s enjoying watching both of you fight over him.

 

I don’t understand why girls like you get upset with girls like his ex? I mean, the issue isn’t the ex wanting to talk to her ex… she didn’t get closure. And even if his ex was out of the picture, there will always be someone else. Narcissistic men like this use any opportunity to get the attention they crave. The ex was cheated on and the poor thing doesn’t have enough self-respect to walk away. She still feels she should fight for what was hers to begin with. You also don’t have much self-respect if you let this guy, right in front of you, try to “hide” things. “Oh, I can’t because she’ll see…” what kind of loyal bf does that to their GF? Imagine what he may be doing when you’re not around.

 

Never fall for words… if they say they love you, let them prove it with their actions. It’s not hard and you’ll know instantly if they’re in it for the right reasons. If he ignores you until he wants something, why are you still sticking around? Have some self respect and walk away. Let him chase you, but never look back.

 

You can’t have the person who you really want because the person you want, is a fantasy. You’re putting this guy on a pedestal saying you love him and want him… but why? Why do you want a cheating, lying, sack of sh*t?

 

I don’t think he’s making you do anything… he’s playing his games and it’s very easy for you to get wrapped around his finger. If someone doesn’t treat you right/with respect, you should walk away. That’s not a game, it should be a rule. He’s not giving you affection because he’s probably getting it from someone else and he can’t be bothered to put the energy into you anymore. He’s moved on, like most serial cheaters do. I suggest not dating someone who will cheat with you because if he will cheat with you, he will cheat on you. You’ve already seen first hand how he manipulates the situation.

I always used to say if they will cheat with you they will cheat on you. I have self respect that's why im here, I also have feelings that's why I cant just dump someone and run. Im mad at her because I know her, known her since I was 4 years old and she is way worse than him, she cheated on him many times, she left him and had kids to a guy who bashed her, she only got back with him cos the guy bashed her. She has kids yet my man told me about her kids being on the roof and how he had to force her to pull up carpets from her kids rooms that were piss stained,smelly and moldy. She is a complete nut job, feral physco. when me and my man got together we apologised for how it happened and moved on but she refused to. She called him 30times a day, abused his, threatened him with things like exposing personal secrets to his boss ect to get him fired, threaten to have us both bashed, made up stories/rumors ect. He said he wanted her out of his life cos she had done this kind of thing-set him up and caused him problems for years and he was done with it. I find it a bit insulting how u say about self respect as you don't know first hand the situation. He might be predictable but his act is so believable. Have you heard that simple plan song? You Suck at Love? It's like that lol- been listening to that song a bit lately ha ha

[justwhoiam]

He's 32

Worse than I expected.

 

I just find it hard to stay away

You need help to stay away? Think that every single thing he says to you, he's saying it to his ex. Even minutes away. Think that he holds your hands, but holds her hand too, more and better. Is that enough to keep you away for a while?

 

Think that every time you will be weak, you will allow someone to hurt you, and it will take you more time to heal and it will prevent you from meeting someone you can really love and who will love you back the way you wish.

[Thorne]

Worse than I expected.

 

 

You need help to stay away? Think that every single thing he says to you, he's saying it to his ex. Even minutes away. Think that he holds your hands, but holds her hand too, more and better. Is that enough to keep you away for a while?

 

Think that every time you will be weak, you will allow someone to hurt you, and it will take you more time to heal and it will prevent you from meeting someone you can really love and who will love you back the way you wish.

Ouch that turned the knife -_-

[Thorne]

I'm trying to talk to him about it but I don't see it going well. Sucks when you care and someone else doesn't seem to at all

[justwhoiam]

I'm trying to talk to him about it but I don't see it going well. Sucks when you care and someone else doesn't seem to at all

Which brings us back to your thread title.

 

(You made your bed, now lie in it)