karol94 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I am completly devastated and I would really appreciate help from you guys (sorry for mistakes, English is not my native language). My story is very complicated but I will start from the very beginning. I have been married for over two years. Since I met my husband I knew he was abusing alcohol. However as our relationship progressd he started working on himself and he tried hard not to abuse drinking. We were very happy. We have a 20 month old child with epilepsy. We loved each other very very much but when the child was born and when it turned out she was ill our relationship started getting worse. As we both work my mother took care of the child, I was afraid to leave the baby with a strange person because of her illness and numerous seizures. For the first couple of months my mother was living with us. She provoked many arguments at any occassion and started to hate my husband. She showed him how much she hated and ignored him. He asked me to find a nunny for the baby but I refused. I was so concentrated on the baby and her illness that I did not pay attention to my husband. I didn't want to have sex with him I barely even spoke to him. He told me many times that he couldn't leave like that. In December last year I took the baby to my mother's house for Christmas (300 km away) and did't bring her home until Today. My mother said she would not take care of the baby if I stay with my husband, she claims he is alcoholic and a very bad person. She wanted me to move out and leave him. She is very toxic, she wants to control me all the time and my personal life (I am 34 and have a very responsible job). She says we are not responsible parents and that she will not let me take the child if I want to be with him. So for the last 6 moths I left him for all the weekends and holidays and went to my mother to see the child. I loved my husband so much but I was so afraid to look for a baby sitter who would take care of my baby. He told me many times that he couldn't live like this, he started to drink very badly. We had lots of arguments (I wanted him to give me more money which he didn't have because his business was not running to well). Thos arguments always made him very upset. 3 weeks ago he said he wanted to divorce and moved out to his parents (we lived in his house). He said he couldn't live like that, without the baby and he was very unhappy. I than realised how much I loved him. I know you will say that I was cruel but having a child with severe seizure disorder is extremly difficult to manage and depressive especially that I can't take care of her myself as I need to work to earn money for her treatment. Anyway, I asked him to come and talk. I told him how I loved him and that I wanted to change everything and that I will bring the child and find the nunny and he said he would think about that. A couple of days later we met and he said that he didn't want a divorce, he still loves me and cares for our familly but the only solution he sees is that I move out from his house, start living independently, bring the child and find the nunny. He wants me to choose between him and my mother. He said that if he sees that I am no longer in toxic relation with my mother than he will consider coming back. He said he would help me with the child and finding the nunny. I miss him so much and I am not sure whether he really wants to be with me. I asked him several times whether he loves me and he said yes but you have to fulfill my conditions before we can consider coming back to eachother. My husband is not perfect, he has problems with alcohol but in general he is a kind and sensitive person and I saw how much he was suffering. I seems that all this time I was in relationship with my mother and not with him. I shared with her all the issues concerning the baby etc. Now I miss him desperately and I can see what we have done wrong. Next week I am moving out to new appartment and I am planning to bring the baby. Do you think that our relationship still has a chance? He doesn't call me and doesn't want to come to visit me. He said he was missing me and that it was all very tough for him but he had to do it that way . He also started a therapy.
Recommended Posts