WarmSunshine Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 (edited) (Post wrote on May 2013) I need advice and help on my situation. Please read this and tell me if one day..some day..I can have him back as the love of my life? 10 years ago, I met this wonderful guy who appeared into my life out of nowhere. He is all things amazing; selfless, kind, loving, caring, wise, patient, goofy and motivating. We became real good friends. We enjoyed each other’s company and would find ourselves flirt a bunch. Took us a YEAR to finally confess to each other how much we love one another, it was such a beautiful moment shared between us. We didn’t immediately jump into a relationship. We wanted to be wise about it too (as we are living countries apart). By default we are best friends and would want to be a part of each other’s lives as well. We got into a relationship once and it was an amazing time I’d ever had in my whole life, he was an amazing boyfriend and everything I’d imagine my true love to be. My family loves him and treats him like a son and his family is so welcoming of me, also, treated me like a daughter. We’ve talked about the possibility of being together officially in the future all the time back then- to talking about kids, our adventures and etc. We talked a lot about fun stories that we could do together when the time is right. He lives countries away from me and had a lot of responsibilities needed for him to focus on and I felt so guilty that I’d put him in a position for him to sacrifice many of his nights of sleep just so we could spend time on Skype and etc. I don't want him to miss out the experiences he could have being in college/work/projects/events. I didn’t want to be a distraction and feel guilty for taking so much of his time to put his energy/effort into being my bf. So, I THOUGHT the wisest thing to do then was to push the romance away and be the encouraging best friend he needed. Even when we broke up, we would still find us talking all mushy towards one another. Neither one of us went into a relationship with anybody else. 2 years later, there was a time he really wanted us to be serious and focus on us again, but he was at a very vulnerable stage that time and I was STILL firm about being his best friend (he's yet to graduate college). I was always still there and available for him to give my undivided attention and concern to. I would tell him to try ask some girls out and not miss the experiences, he went on a few dates but none really got anywhere. So, fast forward, he’s been in my life for almost 10 years now. Last year he said we both shouldn’t try to hold on to so much hope and just let time flow naturally. Yet, we still couldn’t help but would STILL find ourselves talking about our future together and would still be mushy. This summer, we’ve planned on him being where I am for his work internship, just to experience being here after he graduates. He loves it here. He has a booked/confirmed ticket to be here and we have also booked a trip/hotel to an exotic island together as well. Until the unexpected happened just recently, he met a girl online. He told me that he has known her for 3 months, she added him up on a social site. So they would only talk during his rest days at home. The first few times this girl talked to him, she was so upfront about her feelings towards him and would repeatedly exclaim "I Love You" to him. He wasn’t sure of her at first, but not until later, ALL WITHIN A WEEK, they went from seeing each other, to being in a relationship, now she wants to meet him in person and wants to live closer to him (They are in LDR too). He told me, presently, he isn’t in love with me and I’ve found so much clarity of sureness for him (prior to this, I hid my feelings for him)- OF COURSE, I’d want to be his girl, we did go through so much together all these years. I know he’s the type of person who is patient and wise, he’s a smart person and he’s not the type who likes to hurt/offend people intentionally. I am obviously devastated; I still can’t eat and sleep well. I have this heart filled with so much love for him, yet I want him to be happy. I know this has to happen and I’ve accepted that this is what it is now. This is what he has to experience with his new gf. Yet, I love this man SO much! I don’t want to be the villain and wreck something that makes him smile and happy now. I’m just wondering if there ever could be a chance one day, someday, that I could win him back as the love of my life. It's been years how much I just feel it in my heart how sure I am of him and want us to be more than just best friends. I did go through the years of being single of waiting till this summer for when he graduates- just because I’m so sure of him and wouldn’t want anybody else. We have never gotten a chance to walk on an official romantic journey where we can both be together and let the world know we're each others. That's why I feel like everything's changing too fast. As much as I want to say how lost and hopeless I truly feel now, I’ve been trying my best to live in the now. I know how much I miss him romantically but we still talk to each other as best friends (Skype for hours and still talk about happy, lighthearted memories) I need help and advice about all of this. 10 years is a long time. I need to know if I stand a chance. I am hopelessly and so sure he's the one for me. We've done a lot for each other to grow and we've helped each other to be where we are presently. I truly am IN LOVE with this man. (Update on June 17th, 2013) A lot of things have happened since I last updated. I will be seeing him again in exactly 10 days. He will be flying out from the States to Asia. We've planned this a year ago and we're really looking forward to this trip. We did have many long conversations, he asked me "Why didn't you tell me about your feelings a long time ago? We could've tackled this topic on us, but now I'm already in this relationship. I was so convinced that you just wanted us to be bestfriends". A month ago, he told me that his gf was concern about me and trying to convinced me she has a good heart and is caring. So, he told me that she wanted to Skype with me, to which I declined (cos I've experienced this before when an ex bf's gf wanted to be my friend cos he would always sing praises about me even after we broke up and she got really curious, but let's just say her intentions were not about being pals with me- I was being used as a doormat). I told him that I didn't want to walk down the road that I've experienced 12 years ago and that I'm a grown adult to be doing this high school drama. Then, she asked to Skype again, but I declined the 2nd time, but he said that she kept saying things that made him fear of losing both of us, so, I gave way to talk to her, but only to get her flagging her gf status into my face and spilling out her insecurities. I put her worries to rest, which hurts, cos I don't want to be a baby blanket and a pacifier every time she has insecurities about me. Yesterday, this girl told him that "If you do fly out to go and see her, I will always remember you did this to me and I will never see you the same way ever again". He went on to have a long conversation with me, he was stressed out and wanted me to say things to acknowledge their relationship, but my responses were mostly of me saying "For what it's worth, let's discuss this in person calmly. At least, respect that we've gone 10 years to try to talk this through when you arrive here". It was a long conversation, he was mostly worried that she might leave him and he would never know if it works out with her or not, he said "if we broke up, it's because of this circumstance and not because we weren't compatible or it just wasnt meant to be, but I've already made plans with you a long time ago and you're my best friend of 10 years". Then, he went MIA for an hour. He came back online. To which he finally said "You know, I do want to go and see you. This trip is important to me. I want to keep my word on our plans. You're this super important person in my life and I want to respect that". He has a lot going on in his mind, but at least his head isn't completely clouded. I just don't like that this girl is pulling "ransom games" to threaten him. This emotional blackmail is just appalling. But on the brighter side, I will be seeing him in 10 days! -inserts smiley face with teardrop- What should I do and say? Edited June 17, 2013 by WarmSunshine
KatZee Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I'm so confused. He's been in your life for 10 years and you've never met him in person?
Author WarmSunshine Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 (edited) I'm so confused. He's been in your life for 10 years and you've never met him in person? I left that info out, haven't I? We have met in real life, we met both of our parents/families and we make it an effort to live together for 3-5 months YEARLY. I have 9 days left till I see him! Edited June 18, 2013 by WarmSunshine
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