sporu Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Three months No Contact and I think I've hit my wall. The cravings for her are stronger than ever, although I don't really think about her in particular that much. I'm afraid I won't be the same again from this point, in the sense that I'll remain in my current state of emptiness. I'll probably never see her again in my life and that's a scary thought. I hope she's doing well. I'm moving houses in a week or two so maybe that'll help me with a fresh and new start. This has been a weird period now for a couple of weeks. I don't know what to feel, how to feel and what my next step is towards recovery. I've read multiple things here about 'hitting the wall' and I now know what it means, I think... What will happen now?
lop98 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I'm in that stage too... still confident about NC but feeling in dispair about what happened. I didn't care for weeks but it's suddenly hit me in the past two days and I can't stop thinking about it, it's so hard...
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Yeah, I am right here too. And I totally relate to what you are saying. I really don't even know what I feel any more, and not sure about what's next. I, like you, am sticking to NC as there is no alternative. Just wish the constant barrage of thoughts would start to decrease. I think they, in fact, may be, it's just very hard to measure as the changes are small and take a long time to reach. Guess all we can do is stick with it and hope for the best… I see some guys on here talking about just getting right back out there, but this just doesn't seem like the best option for me. I need time to process and deal with this. I was really in deep, and this was a major event in my life. I simply can't just treat it as 'no big deal'. It/she was a very big deal and my life is completely different than it was 6 months, 1 year and 3 years ago. One of the difficulties I am working through right now is the fact that for the last 3 years everything I did was for her/us. Nothing was about just me. And now that she is gone, the 'her/us' is over, and the 'me' I knew before I met her is gone too. I am really not sure who I am trying to get back/move forward to?? It's all very confusing and I can't help but feel 'lost' and bit apprehensive about the future…
Author sporu Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I also put myself aside for 'us'. I'm now noticing the consequences. I find it hard to deal with problems on my own, as I have nobody to share it with (which is not true, but it feels like that). It's hard to do stuff for yourself, because most things I did were for 'us'. I hope you understand what I mean. Although I'm feeling really mixed up about all this, I just accept it for what it is at the moment. I think I have the right to feel down right now but I don't have to forget that there is other stuff out there. I'm not really sure if I'm ready for that now. I think I'll be ready soon enough if I just keep going like this, and accept the fact that I will be missing her, that I will be thinking about her when doing certain things and, most of all, I won't be really seeing her or talking to her again. Feeling lost best describes my feelings as well. I'm not sure what I'm living for at the moment, and I just live by the day and I'll see what happens. I'm a person who benefits from schedules and some kind of planning. I'm missing that. I've set certain goals for myself like finishing some projects and I'm planning to get out more (cycling, taking regular hikes) but it's still not enough. Not now. Babysteps I guess. It's all towards making progress and bettering myself. That's what really matters now. I was a total wreck a few months back and finally I'm seeing some perspective. This will take a while but it'll work out, I'm sure about that. I'm moving houses in two weeks or so and I wish I could share it with her. I'm so happy with my new place, and I think she'd like it as well. Meh. Please share your stories about this 'hitting the wall'. Mtnbiker and me can't be the only ones 'suffering' from this? 2
OzHeartache Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I also put myself aside for 'us'. I'm now noticing the consequences. I find it hard to deal with problems on my own, as I have nobody to share it with (which is not true, but it feels like that). It's hard to do stuff for yourself, because most things I did were for 'us'. I hope you understand what I mean. That makes 3 of us!!! Determined not to make that mistake again though, this feeling of being lost sucks... I hate it, Threw everything into us and now I have nothing left for me 1
maturityassets Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Get exactly what you mean by facing problems with "us". Sometimes I feel like I lost the person who didn't make me feel alone. I unfortunately face social anxiety around some of my family members due to language and culture barriers. When stuck in that situation all I feel is embarrssment and from there I think of maybe all the embarrassing things that maybe drove away the person I loved most and shared every detail with. And so its torturous to deal with these things. Unfortunately my Grandfather has cancer, so I'm forced to visit him and feel uncomfortable and go through a vicious cycle of thinking about my ex. As a 20 year old adult I just wish to make my own choices, but the annoyance of other family members to make me do things I don't feel comfortable with just makes me feel all alone again. When I was with R, all my anxiety was gone, even when she wasn't around. I just felt comfortable knowing there was an "us" everywhere I went. Sure I have my best friends but I can't just have that closeness I had with my ex. That we were bonded together and there was nothing to ever hide, no pride or ego got in the way. But all of that was "too serious" for her. Its just another way of saying that she didn't romanticized me as she once did and therefore she shouldn't feel anchored down to me and look past the flaws in our relationship, the few that we had. I don't know though. Dating someone new. Starting my job on Friday. Maybe all will be better once I find a me in all of this mess. And then I could eventually share this me with the new girl 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 That makes 3 of us!!! Determined not to make that mistake again though, this feeling of being lost sucks... I hate it, Threw everything into us and now I have nothing left for me Yup, I look at my life before I met her, and it was sooo different. I made so, so many changes for us/her. And now, I can't really go back, as I live somewhere else, and all of the people, places and things I knew are changed or gone. Guess I literally have to start over. That sucks!! Well, I will not make this type of "mistake" again. That much I know for sure!!! 1
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