starrynightz45 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I know that obviously, once time passes in a serious relationship, people get more comfortable. You might gain some weight, or just generally be more comfortable speaking your mind 100% honestly and openly, maybe not being quite so well mannered all the time, etc. But how soon is too soon? Like I've said before, I met this guy a year ago at my grad school. We were friends only (not close by any means, just spoke here and there on campus). We started dating in May. We speak daily now and have been on 5 dates. On this last date, some of his behaviors seemed a little strange to me. For example, we went to this very casual bar to grab food and drinks. We sat down and got our menus. Suddenly, he stood up and said "I really gotta take a piss!" and looked around for the restroom. I wasn't sure how to react to that so I just laughed awkwardly as he walked off. Just the last few times we went out, he was much more discrete/polite about things. Later that night, we were both full from eating. As we were walking down the street towards the theater, he very comfortably and openly burped. I ignored it because I felt so awkward/surprised by it. I appreciate him being "real" but at the same time, I feel like he's definitely dropping the manners VERY early on. Am I wrong?
GI_Joy Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Some guys are naturally like that/have no filter and don't realize that it actually bothers others. It's up to you if you accept that or not. Does it make you uncomfortable? If so then it's up to you to let him know that. It's not necessarily a matter of time, in fact he's doing you a favor that he's doing it so "soon" so you can find out in time that he can be very uninhibited with his bodily habits lol. If I were you I'd jokingly tease him about it ("Gross! Really??") and if that doesn't give him the hint then just tell him straight up that it's bothersome.
veggirl Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I'm myself from day 1. Sounds like he is too. Difference is "myself" IS someone with manners. He sounds gross and immature. I probably would have said "that's disgusting" to him. Major turn off. I don't talk about my bathroom habits with my bf of 2 years...just doesn't seem necessary... And his huge burp in public!? Ugh!!! He's a pig!
Estate Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I know that obviously, once time passes in a serious relationship, people get more comfortable. You might gain some weight, or just generally be more comfortable speaking your mind 100% honestly and openly, maybe not being quite so well mannered all the time, etc. But how soon is too soon? Like I've said before, I met this guy a year ago at my grad school. We were friends only (not close by any means, just spoke here and there on campus). We started dating in May. We speak daily now and have been on 5 dates. On this last date, some of his behaviors seemed a little strange to me. For example, we went to this very casual bar to grab food and drinks. We sat down and got our menus. Suddenly, he stood up and said "I really gotta take a piss!" and looked around for the restroom. I wasn't sure how to react to that so I just laughed awkwardly as he walked off. Just the last few times we went out, he was much more discrete/polite about things. Later that night, we were both full from eating. As we were walking down the street towards the theater, he very comfortably and openly burped. I ignored it because I felt so awkward/surprised by it. I appreciate him being "real" but at the same time, I feel like he's definitely dropping the manners VERY early on. Am I wrong? It's never ok to get comfortable. Never. I don't want replies from the moral police on this one but the second you decide "now, that's that, I have my relationship, time to but that on the back burner and watch some TV" is they day you began to loose your partner. People wonder why relationships break up and then you hear this crap. Your partner is a person you are spending the rest of your life with, if you are just putting on an act to get them and then reverting to doing whatever, then you deserve to loose them. On her 90th birthday, you should still be surprising her. 1
CryForNoOne Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I'm not cool with weight gain or a 180 with personal hygiene once a relationship starts. I mean everybody has gas but loud or excessive burping and farting is just disrespectful. Also keep your weight down because it's healthy and you're doing for yourself not to impress me. Otherwise how many other things are you faking until you get comfortable?
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I cant believe you are still dating this guy ><. Trust me in a month or 2 itll be "he doesnt want a relationship" or "he broke my heart" Dont say i didnt warn you..
MrCastle Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I don't understand this "comfort" thing, nor will I ever I'm guessing. I wouldn't let myself go once I was in a relationship, nor would manners go out the window. As a 25 year old college man child, I don't burp or fart in front of my fellow guy friends, who I have known for 10+ years. Let alone do it on dates or in front of women. Come on. Class doesn't take a backseat just because you're involved with someone. You're either classy or you're not. 2
BradJacobs Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Am I wrong? I don't think that you're wrong. I mean how could anyone argue with what upsets or aggravates you? But since it does upset you what are you going to do about it? Talk to him, accept the behavior or leave? Personally, this stuff doesn't even register. I've cared for (off and on, not the full time caregiver) three elderly grandparents when they were on death's door and have been around more babies in the last decade and a half than I can remember. Where manners count in my eyes is how we are with the stuff that does matter, how they treat my friends and family and how they treat others. Best of luck!
miss_jaclynrae Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I don't understand this "comfort" thing, nor will I ever I'm guessing. I wouldn't let myself go once I was in a relationship, nor would manners go out the window. As a 25 year old college man child, I don't burp or fart in front of my fellow guy friends, who I have known for 10+ years. Let alone do it on dates or in front of women. Come on. Class doesn't take a backseat just because you're involved with someone. You're either classy or you're not. Unless a man absolutely cannot help it, he shouldn't do it. It is gross and as castle says, just tasteless. 1
ImperfectionisBeauty Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I personally am not grossed out by burping and farting in front of me out in public it is rude but if we are just sitting around the house who cares? I'm not gonna lie I say "I gotta pee" all the time never "let me go to the restroom"
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 (edited) Honestly the issue is not his manners, its the past threads youve written, and it sounds like hes been too comfortable since day 1. If a guy is interested he will be on his best behavior.. You are his backup plan, and you allow it... Edited June 17, 2013 by undergroundlife13 1
Star Gazer Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Well, the *only* nice, relationship-like quality you had to speak of this guy from the first three dates was how much a polite gentleman he was. Leading into the 4th date, he insulted you. Now, he's acting like Al Bundy. You still like this guy? Really? 1
Grumpybutfun Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I don't understand this "comfort" thing, nor will I ever I'm guessing. I wouldn't let myself go once I was in a relationship, nor would manners go out the window. As a 25 year old college man child, I don't burp or fart in front of my fellow guy friends, who I have known for 10+ years. Let alone do it on dates or in front of women. Come on. Class doesn't take a backseat just because you're involved with someone. You're either classy or you're not. MrCastle is absolutely right....I am a man's man but I wouldn't do this in front of my spouse of 20 years. It is classless, (and on a more important note, she would be turned off so no nooky that night...) G
todreaminblue Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I think maintaining respect in public is important...he sounds young, or is young so maybe he hasnt learned that yet..burping after a meal is supposedly showing respect to the cook in some cultures....i am not part of that culture however.....and i think when burping is done while others are eating an "excuse me" is warranted..i think you should just be honest if it disgusts you....and if he controls himself around you....then obviously he cares enough not to make you uncomfortable..good luck..deb
KungFuJoe Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 It's basic manners. At home, my wife farts and burps (she can out burp most guys) when it's just us. Out, in public? Oh hell no.
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Honestly the issue is not his manners, its the past threads youve written, and it sounds like hes been too comfortable since day 1. If a guy is interested he will be on his best behavior.. You are his backup plan, and you allow it... I HATE to say it, but you told me so. He just called me and said he wanted to talk to me. He said he really enjoys spending time with me, has feelings for me as more than a friend, but that he is scared if we continue to spend time together he will be leading me on, because he is not really sure if he is ready for a relationship. He said he hopes we can "continue to hang out" and that he has a birthday present for me too. All I said was ok, it would have been nice to know that earlier. Yea, I deserved that.
KungFuJoe Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I HATE to say it, but you told me so. He just called me and said he wanted to talk to me. He said he really enjoys spending time with me, has feelings for me as more than a friend, but that he is scared if we continue to spend time together he will be leading me on, because he is not really sure if he is ready for a relationship. He said he hopes we can "continue to hang out" and that he has a birthday present for me too. All I said was ok, it would have been nice to know that earlier. Yea, I deserved that. He did you a favor. 2
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Well, the *only* nice, relationship-like quality you had to speak of this guy from the first three dates was how much a polite gentleman he was. Leading into the 4th date, he insulted you. Now, he's acting like Al Bundy. You still like this guy? Really? I wish I had listened. I feel like such an idiot. Wow. And of course, I can't stop myself from thinking it's something I did. That if I had been different he would have wanted a relationship, and that it was just a way out. Oh well.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I HATE to say it, but you told me so. He just called me and said he wanted to talk to me. He said he really enjoys spending time with me, has feelings for me as more than a friend, but that he is scared if we continue to spend time together he will be leading me on, because he is not really sure if he is ready for a relationship. He said he hopes we can "continue to hang out" and that he has a birthday present for me too. All I said was ok, it would have been nice to know that earlier. Yea, I deserved that. you didnt deserve it but be thankful he did this so early on. Do not be his friend and tell him to take a hike. if hes anything like my ex hell be back but dont allow it. I understand you liked him but at least he showed his true colors.
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 you didnt deserve it but be thankful he did this so early on. Do not be his friend and tell him to take a hike. if hes anything like my ex hell be back but dont allow it. I understand you liked him but at least he showed his true colors. I don't plan on talking to him anymore. If he does come back I'm really not interested anymore. I can't deal with all of this, it's too much.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I don't plan on talking to him anymore. If he does come back I'm really not interested anymore. I can't deal with all of this, it's too much. Good for you, i was my exes first "real relationship" he didnt want a relationship so i walked away, and he came back and we started a relationship. I shouldve never taken him back, he told me he loved me, and hes dissappeared on me for 2 months now. Im happy for you, i wish i couldve done what you are doing. Had i walked away, i wouldve been fine..
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Good for you, i was my exes first "real relationship" he didnt want a relationship so i walked away, and he came back and we started a relationship. I shouldve never taken him back, he told me he loved me, and hes dissappeared on me for 2 months now. Im happy for you, i wish i couldve done what you are doing. Had i walked away, i wouldve been fine.. I keep thinking it's something I did. That if I had been what he was looking for, he would have wanted a relationship. I can't wrap my head around going out on 5 dates with a girl and talking to her every single day, then saying you're not looking for a relationship.
undergroundlife13 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Some guys are not cut out for commitment. it frightens them its nothing you did. Ive learned this from my experience. I was an AMAZING gf and he did what he did. Im sure you were great too, its not you, its him. 1
SuperGeek Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 (edited) I think the guy is great for being himself on a date. Girls like you that expect people to always wear some fake persona 24/7 just make me tired. This is why dating is a complete drain most of the time. All of these unsaid expectations that seem to be different for EVERY SINGLE FEMALE ALIVE. I hope the next time you burp by accident in public, that he points at you and gives you the rolled eye look. Then you can go home later after that and spend hours feeling bad for burping...That will teach you to stay in character and to maintain that fake 'public' persona 24/7. Would you rather he just be a fake for a few years ? Wasting your time in the process when he finally shows you his colours and you conclude 'he isn't for you' ? SIGH. Note: OP I only read your original post and not the whole thread. Didn't have time, but felt compelled to post. I know that obviously, once time passes in a serious relationship, people get more comfortable. You might gain some weight, or just generally be more comfortable speaking your mind 100% honestly and openly, maybe not being quite so well mannered all the time, etc. But how soon is too soon? Like I've said before, I met this guy a year ago at my grad school. We were friends only (not close by any means, just spoke here and there on campus). We started dating in May. We speak daily now and have been on 5 dates. On this last date, some of his behaviors seemed a little strange to me. For example, we went to this very casual bar to grab food and drinks. We sat down and got our menus. Suddenly, he stood up and said "I really gotta take a piss!" and looked around for the restroom. I wasn't sure how to react to that so I just laughed awkwardly as he walked off. Just the last few times we went out, he was much more discrete/polite about things. Later that night, we were both full from eating. As we were walking down the street towards the theater, he very comfortably and openly burped. I ignored it because I felt so awkward/surprised by it. I appreciate him being "real" but at the same time, I feel like he's definitely dropping the manners VERY early on. Am I wrong? Edited June 17, 2013 by SuperGeek
Author starrynightz45 Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 Some guys are not cut out for commitment. it frightens them its nothing you did. Ive learned this from my experience. I was an AMAZING gf and he did what he did. Im sure you were great too, its not you, its him. Thanks, I appreciate this. This guy was beyond confusing. I guess I'm a little relieved.
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