thefooloftheyear Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 OK... Sorry for the long story.. So I met this woman online(not on a specific dating site). We hit it off pretty good..Have many common interests, etc..She is currently out of state but is moving to this area next month..We are both in our 40's.. We exchanged photos and we both liked what we saw..I tried to be as transparent as possible so that there wouldnt be any letdown when the meeting finally occured.. We carried on a text/phone "relationship" for the last month...She became very interested in me early on and started to initiate sexual talk into the conversation. It escalated to a point where all she would do is throw sexual innuendo into every conversation..There were a couple of hot and heavy phone sex sessions last week..I wasnt 100% comfortable with it, but I played along.. She would call me "sweety" and "babe" and always end texts with a "xoxo"...She even hinted at sex on our first encounter, which i wasnt really down with and thought was odd, but I have been out of the dating scene for a long time, so I dont really know what is etiquette any more... Our first meeting was this past Saturday.. Met at the hotel she was staying...Initial meeting was good...She was a bit heavier than the pictures she sent me, but I am not that superficial..Overall I was happy with the initial contact/ meeting.. We embraced for a while and then set out for a dinner date..She made several comments on my physique and grabbing me and such...On the way down to the lobby in the elevator she initalted a short make out session...OK cool so far... We have a nice dinner..She is very touchy..Everything seems OK..We leave the restaurant and just go for a drive and talk about different things..We had hashed out a lot of the personal crap over the last month so that was behind us.. So when the topic of sex came up, thats when things got "confusing"..We chatted, and I mentioned to her that if a relatonship becomes sexual, then I would want that to be exclusive..I basically said that I really have no issue with someones past, but I dont want to "share" a woman with someone else,,It doesnt work for me..For some others it might, but not for me... Seems like that comment killed the whole deal.....She got quiet on me for a moment and then basically told me that it was too soon to talk of a commitment and that she couldnt guarantee exclusivity- at least early on.. I agreed about the "too soon" part..I also apologized for any misunderstanding.. The chat after that was noticleably more tense and less playful.. We went back to her hotel and went up to the room..She wasnt as affectionate as before, but we did make out for a while..She did say that she llked me a lot and that she wants to have sex with me badly, but doesnt want to "spoil the potential of a legit relationship" with sex so early on..She even jokingly commented that she wasnt properly "groomed" for sex. .Im completely fine with that I never asked for it frankly, but then why was she so sexually charged up?? She texted me right away saying she had a wonderful time..blah...I went home feeling like I somehow fumbled the football..I called her and apologized for any misunderstanding..She said to relax and that everything was fine.. So she texts me this AM, just a "Good Morning"..No "babe"..or "sexy" or anything as she used to..I text back the same way.. She did text me a few times today as well, but the content was bland and non flirtatious as before. No text from her this evening..she would always text and least say goodnite or something of that nature..I am a dad and it was Fathers Day so maybe she was just leaving me alone to spend time with my kid, but I really dont know, frankly.. So, what happened?? Am I worrying aver nothing? Just let it go and see what happens?? I just hate the hot and cold stuff..Its confusing..What is my next play, if anything? Thanks for reading.. TFY
Eggplant Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Maybe she feels embarrassed about her prior comments.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 No, silly. You're not her only contact - and she has sex with other guys. That's why she couldn't have full-blown sex with you - because she can't or won't be exclusive! (Sorry. Seems obvious to me....!)
Emilia Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Too much too early. This is why you shouldn't give into temptations about anything sexual before you meet the person. It's called 'false intimacy' and see it all the time here on LS between members that have never met and I know it happens in OLD. Expectations shoot up, it gets heavy straight away.... and fizzles out straight away. 1
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Too much too early. This is why you shouldn't give into temptations about anything sexual before you meet the person. It's called 'false intimacy' and see it all the time here on LS between members that have never met and I know it happens in OLD. Expectations shoot up, it gets heavy straight away.... and fizzles out straight away. Id almost accept that ... Understand this...ALL of the sexual stuff was all on her. I never once initiated any of it..I know enough that those things just evolve of their own...And I didnt nor wouldnt have expected sex on the first contact. To be honest. I did feel it was kinda weird.. In fact, I started a thread a few weeks ago about this in another area. That being said. Where does it go now? She hasnt said she isnt interested, in fact she said on numerous occasions that she liked me a lot and that "I was much better in person than my pics showed"... If anything i was less attracted to her physically than she was of me-so it seems...And during our last conversation she emphatically said that "everything's good" between us. Do we just peel it back a bit and let things evolve as they normally would? Or is this a dead deal.? Just seems odd that while she did reach out to me several times yesterday, it just wasnt the same as before... Thanks again...opinons geatly appreciated. TFY
Emilia Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Id almost accept that ... Understand this...ALL of the sexual stuff was all on her. I never once initiated any of it..I know enough that those things just evolve of their own...And I didnt nor wouldnt have expected sex on the first contact. To be honest. I did feel it was kinda weird.. In fact, I started a thread a few weeks ago about this in another area. I remember. Her style is different from yours and either the two of you are not compatible because she is after casual or she is just after a mindf**k. Either way, the two are you are clearlly not compatible. That being said. Where does it go now? She hasnt said she isnt interested, in fact she said on numerous occasions that she liked me a lot and that "I was much better in person than my pics showed"... If anything i was less attracted to her physically than she was of me-so it seems...And during our last conversation she emphatically said that "everything's good" between us. Do we just peel it back a bit and let things evolve as they normally would? Or is this a dead deal.? Just seems odd that while she did reach out to me several times yesterday, it just wasnt the same as before... Now you are caught up in external validation from a complete stranger
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 No, silly. You're not her only contact - and she has sex with other guys. That's why she couldn't have full-blown sex with you - because she can't or won't be exclusive! (Sorry. Seems obvious to me....!) I wasnt asking for it at this time so why would that be an issue? She also talked about a ltr with me on several occasions. Was I wrong to take this stance? I mean, its not really unreasonable to expect the person you are screwing to not have other partners. Unless, of course it was just a hook up for sex with noo other attachment. But I wouldnt want that and she never implied that... She also asked on numerous occasions if I was with someone else,,When I said no, she would say "thats good because I dont want to be someones side dish".. Thanks for your insight T-M. TFY
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I remember. Her style is different from yours and either the two of you are not compatible because she is after casual or she is just after a mindf**k. Either way, the two are you are clearlly not compatible. Now you are caught up in external validation from a complete stranger Perhaps that is the case..Not really sure.. Im not taking what she said as an ego stroke, just pointing out that she seemed physically attracted to me. Thats all. Do you think its wise to try to get some clarity on this, or just let it go and move on? I do like her, but it wouldnt kill me to move on.. TFY
Emilia Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Perhaps that is the case..Not really sure.. Im not taking what she said as an ego stroke, just pointing out that she seemed physically attracted to me. Thats all. Understand. She is a stranger though so by and large what she thinks of you is of no consequence. Do you think its wise to try to get some clarity on this, or just let it go and move on? I do like her, but it wouldnt kill me to move on.. Depends on what you can bear. If she pushes you further away maybe it becomes easier to detach.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I wasnt asking for it at this time so why would that be an issue? She also talked about a ltr with me on several occasions. Was I wrong to take this stance? I mean, its not really unreasonable to expect the person you are screwing to not have other partners. Unless, of course it was just a hook up for sex with noo other attachment. But I wouldnt want that and she never implied that... She also asked on numerous occasions if I was with someone else,,When I said no, she would say "thats good because I dont want to be someones side dish".. Thanks for your insight T-M. TFY Oh well, hang on.... be fair - you didn't mention that in your first post!! Your first post - if you look at it dispassionately - consists of you getting linked to a lady online, whose discussions with you were decidedly flirtatious, and suggestive, and escalated in that manner. When you mentioned exclusivity, she withdrew.... So hopefully you might see how I came to the above conclusion.... Had no idea you'd had *that* bit of the discussion.... Well, maybe she was a whole heap of bravado..... And faced with the prospect of actually putting her money where her mouth is, became more reticent IRL.... I would await contact from her... and judge things by her tone and approach. 2
Emilia Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Well, maybe she was a whole heap of bravado..... And faced with the prospect of actually putting her money where her mouth is, became more reticent IRL.... the dangers of false intimacy.... 2
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Oh well, hang on.... be fair - you didn't mention that in your first post!! Your first post - if you look at it dispassionately - consists of you getting linked to a lady online, whose discussions with you were decidedly flirtatious, and suggestive, and escalated in that manner. When you mentioned exclusivity, she withdrew.... So hopefully you might see how I came to the above conclusion.... Had no idea you'd had *that* bit of the discussion.... Well, maybe she was a whole heap of bravado..... And faced with the prospect of actually putting her money where her mouth is, became more reticent IRL.... I would await contact from her... and judge things by her tone and approach. Look at the time of the original post...IM on the east coast USA..I was a bit weary and it was late..shame on me.. You are giving good advice as always..I think you are 100% on target-see bolded...I will let her pick it up and see where it goes. She did assure me that everything was great and that I should relax and not be concerned. You ladies drive us guys nuts....If this is what I have to look forward to as a recently divorced guy, then maybe I should have just stayed in my miserable marriage..At least I get to keep the other half of my stuff!! All kidding aside, Thanks for your guidance..I appreciate it. Ill update you all later. TFY
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 (Ah. I'm on GMT. UK time. That post, here is timed at 08.16......)
Emilia Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 If this is what I have to look forward to as a recently divorced guy, on OLD probably yes unless you take control and meet the person as soon as possible
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Well... Got a nice and friendly Good Morning text as if everything is fine..I texted back same and I guess well see what happens.. Still a bit confused as to what to do with this but I guess Ill take it slow and see where it goes. Its like two steps forward and one back.. TFY 1
atlg8r Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I would be concerned about how forward she was to begin with. I'm not sure that a man or woman pushing for sex the first time you met in person would be much of a catch.
Author thefooloftheyear Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Maybe she feels embarrassed about her prior comments. Well....You get the prize, my friend!!! We had a full day of texting back and forth..She stated that she thought very highly of me, was thrilled to finally meet me and now felt a bit embarrassed that she failed to maintain decorum..She blamed it on the shirltless pic she requested that I send her. ..Lesson learned here is keep some things under your hat for later... Its still a bit awkward now, and I wish we hadnt gone down that road so soon as it seems so weird now to "go back to square one"..So to speak..She is going back home now for the next month..Ill play it by ear and see where it goes... Thanks again, all.. TFY
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