LintMint Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 ...and I still miss her everyday. I really don't want this post to scare the new broken-hearted or anything, I might just be a special case but I really miss my ex. It's been two years since my girlfriend of one and a half years dumped me and proceeded to date another guy. It was the worst pain of my life and made life a serious struggle, I sometimes wonder how I survived. I've kept NC since pretty much the start and never cyber stalked her or anything, but tonight I googled her name for the first time in two years. My hands were shaking while typing her name, I'm embarrassed that she still has this type of effect on me. I didn't find anything, I stopped myself before I could. In the two years since I've done a lot, including moving across the country for a job. I think the biggest hurdle in getting over her has been the fact that I've literally have had zero attention from women since. Nada. I haven't even been on a date. I don't know what the problem is. I get out a lot and take up a lot of hobbies but I can't seem to run into any women who seem to be a good fit. It's just kinda scary knowing I'm still in this limbo after all this time. I don't want to believe that happiness can only be found in someone else but it's really starting to look that way.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Have you had any form of counselling? Think you should.... 1
Hopeinme Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Have you been helping yourself get over her? You need to distract yourself and most importantly, stop stalking her. It just nakes you more miserable. Delete all sort of contact with her. Its been 2 years, you need to be enjoying your life and she clearly does not care about you! Why should you waste any further time? 1
Author LintMint Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Um, I have not been stalking her... And I havent talked to her in two years. I cut contact immediately. And, yes, I was seeing a counselor for pretty much the entire first year afterwards. It did help and I'm considering starting again.
cavalier99 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Bummer. Dont know what to say. NC worked for me. Meeting girls really did help also. Maybe just throw youself out there. Meetup groups ecetera. Sorry bro. Cav
CopingGal Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 LintMint, next month will be two months since I left my ex. I haven't had one, not even one date. At first I wanted to be by myself to heal. I wanted to take a year, which I did. But now, I'm so lonely, I find myself thinking about my ex all the time. But my experience was different than yours. You see, I never knew my ex. I'm not even sure of his real name now. There was nothing but lies: big lies, little lies, stupid lies. The entire relationship was a complete lie and he was living a double life. I have no good memories, except false ones. I've come a long way, though. For many months, I posted the most hateful, disgusting comments about him on this site because I was so heart broken and angry. I had good reason to, as after I left my ex because he stopped answering his phone, stopped returned my phone calls, and I almost never saw him, he made it his life's mission to mentally torture me with information about one of the women he cheated on me with. It wasn't enough that he cheated on me, used me, and treated me like that. He also wanted to mentally and emotionally torture me. I was tortured visually, and by way of phone. I couldn't change my number because the phone was not in my name. So now, two years later, I find myself trapped in wonderful memories, but memories that were full of lies and deceit. Over the past two years, even over the past two weeks, I've done research on my ex, but never tried to contact him. I have some ridiculous dream that if I contact him, he will tell me that he got intense psychological help and that he is cured. But there is no cure for sociopathy. Our former couple's counseling told me the chances of him becomes cured was dismal. My ex is a sociopath, who is a compulsive liar, and has strong traits of narcissistic personality disorder. So there's nothing I can do but do other things to take my mind off of him, which I do. I love the humanitarian work I'm involved with, but the pain is never far behind my triumphs. Plus, I'm living in an area, where I'm simply don't fit in. My values are different, the way I look at life is different, and most of the men here are not attracted to me anyway. I'm not interested in what the men here have to offer. I'm interested in discussing various topics: politics, religion, history, art, etc. I interested is different cultures. I'm interested in viewing classical works of art. The men I've met in this area are interested in hunting, fishing, rodeos, and TV. Those who are interested in me have nothing to say except "I'm looking for a woman," or some variation. So I'm going to continue to just concentrate on my life. What else can I do but that? Nada. I'm in therapy. It helps. 1
ballycastle Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I've come a long way, though. My ex is a sociopath, who is a compulsive liar, and has strong traits of narcissistic personality disorder. So there's nothing I can do but do other things to take my mind off of him, which I do..the pain is never far behind my triumphs. Plus, I'm living in an area, where I'm simply don't fit in. My values are different, the way I look at life is different, and most of the men here are not attracted to me anyway. I'm not interested in what the men here have to offer. I'm interested in discussing various topics: politics, religion, history, art, etc. I interested is different cultures. I'm interested in viewing classical works of art. Those who are interested in me have nothing to say except "I'm looking for a woman," or some variation. So I'm going to continue to just concentrate on my life. What else can I do but that? Nada. I'm in therapy. It helps. Wow, Coping Gal, thanks for the post. Lots of similarities here...I think about my EX a lot and it has been 15 months since the break up. My question is, although, like you I am getting on with my life, don't you worry you will never find anyone who will 'fit' you? I know I do, hence why I was so distraught when we broke up.
Mcnulty Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 CopinGal, you sound like my type of lady, can we date,ha!
Sav Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Ever thought of clubbing? It might not be the best advice I know but that's the place to be comfortable with women and one of the easiest in my opinion. The settings the lights make everything easier. I found my game back there
Author LintMint Posted June 18, 2013 Author Posted June 18, 2013 (edited) Oh, no, clubs are very much not my scene unfortunately. CopingGal. I'm actually like you Personality wise. I moved to a very liberal city a little over a year ago and though I've met a number of girls with those kind of values, they always are already with a significant other. Like you, I constantly do things to try and mitigate the loneliness. I'm in two bands, I write a ton, I take art classes often and I'm always at shows. That's on top of a full time job. So, while I'm quite busy I still come home to an empty bed, and lying in it makes my mind wander far too much. The worst part is that these months of loneliness have made me feel incredibly unattractive, the only thing keeping me from totally thinking that is the fact that my past girlfriends were very much sought after women. But the fact is, no woman since has even looked at me twice. Edited June 18, 2013 by LintMint
Follower Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 All I can say Lint is you are not alone. I had a very rough time with my ex Fiance leaving me, i also moved country for work afterwords, something that has been very sucessfull for me. I have new friends and a new life in all. I on the other hand do go out a LOT just to get out there and party really. I sometimes believe that I during my relationship at some point slapped a **** off not interested picture on my forehead, i am by no means a bad looking guy infact i get a lot of compliments on my looks from both sexes. One of my friends recently said to me something that keeps me going when i start to think holy bejesus will i ever meet anyone that fits me like she did and its that when someone is right for you they will explode into your life. Untill then you just got to keep being who you are!
Bito Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 What helped me get over my first love who cheated on me and left me for him was perspective. Really examine why you feel the need to have a romantic relationship in order to be happy. Take stock of all the amazing things you have in your life. Be grateful that you are young and healthy. Life has so much more to offer then romantic love. Best of luck. 2
marqueemoon4 Posted June 18, 2013 Posted June 18, 2013 Um, I have not been stalking her... And I havent talked to her in two years. I cut contact immediately. And, yes, I was seeing a counselor for pretty much the entire first year afterwards. It did help and I'm considering starting again. I know how you feel man.. I google'd my ex wife a few weeks ago, curious if she had legally changed her name. It so was not stalking, and I found a pic of her at her new job, with her (I guess) legal name now.. my last name and new husbands last name. I had to laugh because her initials are now ASS But yea, there is a big difference between googling a name and "stalking".. people are just insensitive.
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