My boyfriend said something really sweet.

[miss_jaclynrae]

No, did *you* read what *I* said? You talked about Afg, and I responded *to that* and that alone.

 

 

 

 

That wasn't supposed to be taken seriously. I said it in a joking manner, obviously not conveyed well.

 

 

I handle LDRs well, I truly do. If anyone had seen my marriage when he was active duty it was hard but we navigated it well. When I say I am a pro, I mean that I put my all into making it. I stay positive, set goals, do as much as I can to make it seem like they aren't even gone.

 

It didn't fail until AFTER he was already out. We made it throght the LDRs easily. Letters, care packages, lots of activities to keep my mind busy. I honestly am not worried at all about the LDR.

 

 

As someone who watched girlfriend after girlfriend disappear and marriages crumble through each one, I am not blind to what CAN happen. I just know I can handle it, and I trust that he can too.

I will hold up my end, all I can do is hope he holds up his.

 

I talked about both FYI. Just in case you missed that.

[charlietheginger]

This is how it will go.....

 

He leaves

You two skype email

He comes home

the heart grows fonder

Back to work and school.......

 

I mean thats what will basically happen . Its not like

He is gonna move to france. Will he cheat who knows

He defiantly wouldn't tell. Hell he could be banging

A cashier from walmart for all we know and you still

Wouldn't know. So he leaves and comes back yada yada

 

The part i was concerned with is the "empty promises"

I hear or have heard guys say. I wish met met a yr earlier

Blah blah. He still wouldn't be married or even took you

On the trip.... Although it sounds sweet.

[snowflakes88]

Yeesh, some of you are bitter and negative.

[snowflakes88]

And has she even been with this guy a year?

 

Oh, come on. You are the laaaaaaaaaaaaaaast person who should be posing this question.

[Imajerk17]

I'm not going to argue against someone else's happiness so long as they aren't hurting anyone else. Best of luck to you both OP. Just keep your eyes open in the meanwhile.

[amaysngrace]

Yeesh, some of you are bitter and negative.

 

I agree. You gotta love projection.

[snowflakes88]

I didn't say anything that wasn't true.

 

You talked about your relationship insofar as his deployment to AFG was concerned. So, I explained why there's far less threat of cheating when your man is AFG than when he's in PARIS, and that comparing the "relationship worries" of a LDR where your man is in the military and deployed in a war zone is a far cry from your man taking a leisurely college tour through Paris with young cute Parisians who aren't in jeopardy of being prosecuted under Article 1.

 

BUT, since you don't have THAT experience, of a man touring Europe for a year without you, not being shot at, you don't know any better. But you soon will! Good luck!

 

Ugh. I can't even. This is really sad.

[charlietheginger]

What did she do to cuase him so much stress

 

I mean the guy saw a war people dying then comes

Home to his wife and she drove him crazy?

[SuperGeek]

I just want to point out that the OP's spouse (a male) isn't the only person that could cheat in a scenario like this. Sure the OP's spouse is going to France for a year, but so what? That doesn't mean he's the only one who could cheat? Now I haven't read the entire thread, but it appears the OP herself is in college and will be around college guys with lots of testesterone flowing through their bodies. That opens open possibilities for cheating on her part, so let's not ignore that.

 

I just wanted there to be more 'transparency' (yes this word is stuck in my head from recent media) from this thread. To put all the possibility of cheating all on the man is unfair. The fact is LDRs are hard all around any each person in the relationship could cheat at any time if they so choose to do that.

 

I'm tired of reading these threads here about men always being the cheaters. I can't tell you how many married women have tried to hook up with me for casual sex. Humans in general cheat, not just men and not just women

 

SuperGeek

Your fellow bitter geek

Edited June 18, 2013 by SuperGeek

[charlietheginger]

I just want to point out that the OP's spouse (a male) isn't the only person that could cheat in a scenario like this. Sure the OP's spouse is going to France for a year, but so what? That doesn't mean he's the only one who could cheat? Now I haven't read the entire thread, but it appears the OP herself is in college and will be around college guys with lots of testesterone flowing through their bodies. That opens open possibilities for cheating on her part, so let's not ignore that.

 

I just wanted there to be more 'transparency' (yes this word is stuck in my head from recent media) from this thread. To put all the possibility of cheating all on the man is unfair. The fact is LDRs are hard all around any each person in the relationship could cheat at any time if they so choose to do that.

 

I'm tired of reading these threads here about men always being the cheaters. I can't tell you how many married women have tried to hook up with me for casual sex. Humans in general cheat, not just men and not just women

 

SuperGeek

 

This is true she does have self esteem issues and might

Find a guy that works a better job then walmart and cheat

On him...

 

That's why he said BING BING BING

...

 

Instead of saying dont sleep around on me while im gone

He said i wish we were married and you could go.

[SuperGeek]

I am actually not questioning the OPs faith in her spouse no more than I'm questioning the decision of her spouse to go study French for 30k in debt (plus interest) half a world away. I think she is devoted to her spouse at this time and that isn't in question at all when I read through the thread.

 

What stands out to me, which relates to my own life experience, is that long periods away can cause people to change their minds about core decisions. People change as they go through life and mature into different people and different life goals -- this could explain a lot of why marriages of people who get married in their early 20s fail. It's why my marriage failed. My ex and I just drifted apart in interests and life goals. I am literally not the same man at 34 that I was at 24, completely different. My ex (she's now 31) is nearly 100% different than she was even 5 years ago, which has totally shocked me to my core -- I didn't even know who the hell she was!

 

My last post here was just about all the other people questioning the OPs spouse and his ability to cheat in France. I just want more fairness on this forum about cheating accusations/possilbities in regards to men. The current public societal roles seem to paint men as always being the cheaters and women being perfect high moral characters in which they'd never cheat. This is both irritating and false being a male and seeing a lot of cheating from both men and women over the last decade. I just want transparency with cheating accusations for couples here.

 

OP - I admire your willingness to stand by your spouse and support him with his dream to learn French in France. You are likely a girl that is 'one in a million' and your spouse is extremely lucky to have you. I say this, even though I'm questioning his decision to go there for a year myself If only my ex had stood by my decisions even 5% as much as you have demonstrated here, our marriage could have survived, but who knows?!? Hindsight is 20/20. Again I'm quite jealous as I've stated before on this thread.

 

Women who stand by their man in the face of harsh criticism by other females is a rare thing to see. I really enjoyed this thread and I salute the OP.

 

I will stop ranting and wish the OP and her spouse the best of luck! OP you are so going to love it when he comes home and romances you with nice sounding sentences spoken in French. You just gotta hold out for a year

 

This is true she does have self esteem issues and might

Find a guy that works a better job then walmart and cheat

On him...

 

That's why he said BING BING BING

...

 

Instead of saying dont sleep around on me while im gone

He said i wish we were married and you could go.

Edited June 18, 2013 by SuperGeek
More use of my new vocab word: transparency (oh btw hi NSA!)

[hudson701]

Why didnt he use the trip money to marry you ?

Or atleast buy a engagement ring.....?

 

Seems to me he is all talk....

 

If he loved you so much he would take classes fall and

Winter then take the trip next yr as a honeymoon....

 

But hey thats what most guys would do. But im old fashion

The thought of voluntarily leaving my girlfriend to travel

Europe would make me ill and feel guilty....

 

This.

 

If it is true love the question of leaving you shouldn't even be an issue, in that he either takes you with him or he stays.

 

My friend's gf just left for a job in Dubai! What did he do? Quit his job and went with her- and we live in the UK! Simple as that he said. Now that's true love.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Haven't read all the responses, but if that's been suggested... uh, yeah: NO! Definitely don't do that!

 

Personally I think that would have been a horrible idea...however, I'm not the one who mentioned it, the person who brought up marriage was her BF...implying if they had been 1 year longer together that he would have somehow married her, that's why I keep poking that wound...I believe that to be relationship padding/reassurance instead of a genuine comment and remark that sent her on cloud nine where she already wants to believe she lives with this man....that IMO should be an extremely transparent remark/gesture to see through without rose-colored glasses.

 

IMO overall he should have never engaged in a long-term relationship with someone if he had already had something in the works as significant as leaving overseas to pursue his dream basically for one whole year, I think that's selfish of him to ask of her to endure...why put the burden on a relationship one year in? this girls in her early 20's, he's older...he should be more mature and responsible than that. I don't think jaclynrae is naive or incompetent necessarily but she's definitely over-confident and doesn't realize it in this moment...she's thinking just like any other girl emotionally.

 

Being in the service is another thing altogether at least in terms of obligation. That is his duty, his job, his career. This guy actively chose this path to pursue on his own, and that's a single mans journey...he did this under his own free will and because he gave her the details in the initial stages that essentially gives him this free pass to go through with it...so essentially this guy is trying to cake-eat to me and is definitely co-dependent, I don't take it as a reflection of his love or devotion from what I know of men...if he really felt that way wouldn't he be a helluva lot more worried and concerned about leaving?

 

I even question how and when this plan will even come to fruition, but assuming he does go overseas and does spend a year in France why in the world would this guy go through this in a relationship? He'll be in a foreign country, not just around French women but women of all over that are young, attractive, drinking and typically more "open sexually" in many cases. Does that sound like the type of situation a wise man is going to put himself into supposedly in a relationship with someone he's in love with?

 

When a man initiates a LDR that's a different thing than if he lives somewhere else or has to meet obligations, this guy is making the choice over the relationship...which I think is good for him, bad for her. I personally have extensive experience with LDR, very likely more than most...so I'm not speaking from a generic angle basis of judgment here either.

 

I'd be very surprised if this leads him to a job in the future, I'd be very surprised if he doesn't just end up in a lot of debt, I'd be very surprised if he doesn't try to immerse himself in the culture including the vagina. I also question how stable and solid in his rehabilitation with alcohol, Europeans from my experience are much bigger drinkers than Americans.

 

As far as cheating goes, wise men don't put themselves in the situation in the first place, the overconfident put themselves in the scenario that is tempting then apologize and backpedal after they made the "mistake" of course after they get caught...and him being half-way around the world I'd be concerned little about her finding out about anything he was doing. I'm sure he'll minimize and downplay any situation there, what better would she know? She's this dedicated little sunflower loyal to the cause, doing all the things she is supposed to do, being a good girl and waiting for her man to return from his self-induced one year trip without her overseas...can you explain to me what's in it for her again? What am I missing here with the rose-colored glasses? cause I'm not seeing it.

 

I don't think this is at all a question about jacylnrae behavior, loyalty or dedication and supportive role she's clearly played for this wounded pigeon of a man just trying to help him make it in the world while the "white man tries to keep him down". I think it entirely rests on his shoulders and she tends to speak for him and boast of his loyalty and reassuring love when to me, that's not what it looks like from a man's point of view...if you are a man and you feel that way by all means explain your perspective...I'd love to hear that shet.

 

I can't see how most guys reading this shet don't know exactly what is going on deep down inside when they just break it down to the fundamentals of how men are, they get it...I don't know who would look at your guy as a man and say "now that shet is some undying love If I've ever seen it"....guys do this kind of crap allllll the time, they lead women down this kind of multi-role cake-eating situation where they need you so badly yet can't be with you so damn often, all the while fulfilling their own dreams and aspirations hoping that once he's done with all of that he'll settle right down with you....it's a classic ploy instituted by millions of men around the world as we speak, I mean c'mon man...why do people get lost in the details instead of just see the big picture? He's doing typical typical shet people.

 

Well at this point...."We'll just see where it goes!" ha! and women wonder why they waste so much time with men in the end. Go ahead, wait around for a year...we'll see what happens with mr big talk. You've got time to make a difference jaclynrae, separate the bullshet from the real talk before you invest and waste your time, communicate, get in this guys head.

[Leigh 87]

Good grief...

 

 

First of all, GOOD LUCK with this relationship, OP. I truly wish you well and I always thought it sounded as though you guys were really happy and in love.

 

I find people on here to be mean spirited. Which is not in my nature so I do not relate to most people on here a lot of the time.

 

A simple " I am happy that you're happy. I hope it works out, but I would be careful because _________.

 

"good luck with it but just be careful. I am happy for you and I wish you two the best"

 

Jesus.

 

I am not sure why people have to go as far as to allude that this man is not, in fact, in love with you.. Or he would not have left.

There is no manual and scientific proof of what "men in love" do or don't do.

 

What about Veg girl and her long term partner? He moved for a very important career move AND NINJAINPYJAMAS was right there, saying " if he was truly in love with you he would not have gone "

 

......And those two are back together. Her partner realized he wanted to badly be with her, rather than moving on and away from her.

 

Perhaps they will miss each other terribly, but skype everynight and then get married when he returns?

 

Good grief. The OP has never been nasty or done a thing to deserve such negativity.

 

She is a big girl. If it does not work out, she will be okay. No need to *ahem* PRESUME to know how all men think *coughNINJAinpyjamascough*

 

He would very well be in love with her and just want to desperately follow a set dream.

 

I am mid 20's and it is time to follow a set path; I would not let a relationship stop me, if I HAD to leave a serious partner.

[Leigh 87]

Regarding travelling and relationships....

 

Personally, I have traveled my entire life and lived in other countries besides my own.

 

I have long wanted to travel in my future. I want to study abroad or nanny/bar work for a visa someday soon.

 

Look, frankly.. I am glad I am single during this time in my life. Travelling and doing long distance? Or give up my dreams of travelling and studying overseas, for a guy?

 

I really do not know how it works, however, I am a super loyal person. I would be loyal, but I would also try to avoid relationships UNLESS they were super compelling and they had SET PLANS to re locate with me, say, if I met them in Europe or Canada (where I will be applying to study) and I inevitably had to fly back to Australia.

 

I would, early on, only bother getting serious with a dude IF they had the funds and ability to travel or relocate with me.

 

I love too hard. It would be too hard to not see each other.

 

Only if I was married for years and THEN we had to do long distance, would it be a viable option for me.

 

And this is coming from an extremely loyal female. Who LOVES to be in love and tends to not want to ruin a relationship if I love someone.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Oh, come on. You are the laaaaaaaaaaaaaaast person who should be posing this question.

 

Last time I checked I can post anywhere I feel like. Secondly it was a valid question when the OP is all bragging about this relationship and blah blah and how she knows its gonna work out when he's a million miles away it isn't far fetched to ask if she's been with him a while, which I knew she wasn't. If you read through the thread other people brought it up way before me so don't get on my case for asking.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Your question was pure rhetoric and had no legitimate reason to be asked.

 

I definitely asked it for a reason. Like I said go through the thread others mentioned it way before me, I was just making sure.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Earlier you said you already knew. Now you are just making sure?

 

I knew it hadn't been a year, I didn't know how long it had been. I was making sure it wasn't a full year. Anyways I'm so not getting sucked back into this, I wished the girl luck and I don't care.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Personally I think that would have been a horrible idea...however, I'm not the one who mentioned it, the person who brought up marriage was her BF...implying if they had been 1 year longer together that he would have somehow married her, that's why I keep poking that wound...I believe that to be relationship padding/reassurance instead of a genuine comment and remark that sent her on cloud nine where she already wants to believe she lives with this man....that IMO should be an extremely transparent remark/gesture to see through without rose-colored glasses.

 

IMO overall he should have never engaged in a long-term relationship with someone if he had already had something in the works as significant as leaving overseas to pursue his dream basically for one whole year, I think that's selfish of him to ask of her to endure...why put the burden on a relationship one year in? this girls in her early 20's, he's older...he should be more mature and responsible than that. I don't think jaclynrae is naive or incompetent necessarily but she's definitely over-confident and doesn't realize it in this moment...she's thinking just like any other girl emotionally.

 

Being in the service is another thing altogether at least in terms of obligation. That is his duty, his job, his career. This guy actively chose this path to pursue on his own, and that's a single mans journey...he did this under his own free will and because he gave her the details in the initial stages that essentially gives him this free pass to go through with it...so essentially this guy is trying to cake-eat to me and is definitely co-dependent, I don't take it as a reflection of his love or devotion from what I know of men...if he really felt that way wouldn't he be a helluva lot more worried and concerned about leaving?

 

I even question how and when this plan will even come to fruition, but assuming he does go overseas and does spend a year in France why in the world would this guy go through this in a relationship? He'll be in a foreign country, not just around French women but women of all over that are young, attractive, drinking and typically more "open sexually" in many cases. Does that sound like the type of situation a wise man is going to put himself into supposedly in a relationship with someone he's in love with?

 

When a man initiates a LDR that's a different thing than if he lives somewhere else or has to meet obligations, this guy is making the choice over the relationship...which I think is good for him, bad for her. I personally have extensive experience with LDR, very likely more than most...so I'm not speaking from a generic angle basis of judgment here either.

 

I'd be very surprised if this leads him to a job in the future, I'd be very surprised if he doesn't just end up in a lot of debt, I'd be very surprised if he doesn't try to immerse himself in the culture including the vagina. I also question how stable and solid in his rehabilitation with alcohol, Europeans from my experience are much bigger drinkers than Americans.

 

As far as cheating goes, wise men don't put themselves in the situation in the first place, the overconfident put themselves in the scenario that is tempting then apologize and backpedal after they made the "mistake" of course after they get caught...and him being half-way around the world I'd be concerned little about her finding out about anything he was doing. I'm sure he'll minimize and downplay any situation there, what better would she know? She's this dedicated little sunflower loyal to the cause, doing all the things she is supposed to do, being a good girl and waiting for her man to return from his self-induced one year trip without her overseas...can you explain to me what's in it for her again? What am I missing here with the rose-colored glasses? cause I'm not seeing it.

 

I don't think this is at all a question about jacylnrae behavior, loyalty or dedication and supportive role she's clearly played for this wounded pigeon of a man just trying to help him make it in the world while the "white man tries to keep him down". I think it entirely rests on his shoulders and she tends to speak for him and boast of his loyalty and reassuring love when to me, that's not what it looks like from a man's point of view...if you are a man and you feel that way by all means explain your perspective...I'd love to hear that shet.

 

I can't see how most guys reading this shet don't know exactly what is going on deep down inside when they just break it down to the fundamentals of how men are, they get it...I don't know who would look at your guy as a man and say "now that shet is some undying love If I've ever seen it"....guys do this kind of crap allllll the time, they lead women down this kind of multi-role cake-eating situation where they need you so badly yet can't be with you so damn often, all the while fulfilling their own dreams and aspirations hoping that once he's done with all of that he'll settle right down with you....it's a classic ploy instituted by millions of men around the world as we speak, I mean c'mon man...why do people get lost in the details instead of just see the big picture? He's doing typical typical shet people.

 

Well at this point...."We'll just see where it goes!" ha! and women wonder why they waste so much time with men in the end. Go ahead, wait around for a year...we'll see what happens with mr big talk. You've got time to make a difference jaclynrae, separate the bullshet from the real talk before you invest and waste your time, communicate, get in this guys head.

 

I probably would take this more seriously if it wasn't for the fact that 1. You never responded to what I wrote you. You completely disregarded it actually.

Or 2. You had any idea what you were talking about and didn't sound like a crazy person.

[Sunlight72]

Ok I never really did the student loan thing for undergrad, even though I will be for grad school, but at 30 taking out a ton of loans on top of your loans is it worth it? Doesn't he have to do grad school too? That's expensive. Just seems pointless... Not pointless but I feel like at 30 you should be much further in life than that.

 

Wow, great attitude. So if a person realizes at 28 that they want to get serious about a passion in life and they spend a few years working to make it happen, they are somehow lame for not doing it sooner?

 

Right - it's much better and shows more character for them to go, "Oh heck. I'm already 30 whole years old. Well, I guess there's no point in living now, I'm too old. Let me just order a 40-year calendar and start marking off the weeks until I'm 70."

 

What the holy hell is that about? Sheesh.

 

And as to becoming a college professor - how many 22 year olds with a Master's or 24 year olds with a P.H.D. and nearly No Life Experience are there applying to teach at the University level? Many many that won't be hired because 22 year olds that have only lived their life inside educational institutions don't actually understand much about the world of which they would 'teach'.

[jakelongot]

I hope everything works out for Miss Jacyln, but I think it would be in both her and her bf's best interest to put the relationship on hold while they are apart from eachother.

 

There is just too many expectations that are going to be hard to meet. THey would be best served in a "let's reevluate things when I get back" scenario. If they do have true love or neither has met someone else in that time period they can get back together state side and pick things up.

 

I don't care how great this guy is...it is extremely difficult for a young 20 year old person to put their life on hold for a year in a non-married situation. There is just so much personal growth that happens at this time in your life that it would be ashame to stunt it waiting for a guy to return from overseas. You might be a completely different person with different goals by the time he gets back.

[SuperGeek]

I don't think it's fair to generalize that all men that initiate in LDR are one foot out of the relationship. There are lots of situations where LDRs make sense and they can work, but I will acknowledge they are hard and I specifically avoid LDRs now. I'm also in my 30s and generally don't want to waste time with bull**** at this point.

 

One such example is a few years ago, I dated a girl local to me for about four months. Everything was great until at the four month mark she tells me that she's moving to London for a job transition and that she didn't know when she'd be back. She literally just decided behind my back that she wanted to move to another city and it didn't matter how I felt about it -- She said she 'didn't want to waste her opportunity to see London on a guy'. Well Okay then! I ended the relationship and she was all butt hurt about it. She expected me to keep dating her long distance with NO DATE on when she was coming back. When I look back at it now my decision was sound and she was just bat**** crazy to suggest that I would just hold out waiting for her to come back.

 

I think your points about ending up in a lot of debt are valid. The US is going through an education bubble right now with 1 trillion in student loans on the books. Lots of degrees just aren't worth the effort, time, and money to earn them. Degrees and student loans in general have sadly become a cost benefit analysis situation because of the high cost and the debilitating impact it has on future financials. A four year degree is still a good investment, but I think it's really not a good idea to invest loads of cash into it unless you're going to a REALLY good school and you're guaranteed to make bank when you get out (I.e. going to MIT and getting an engineering degree).

 

None of this really impacts the OP that much though. If the guy is a total dweeb and cheats on her, she can just get another guy in a matter of days. She's in college and there are LOTS of guys available I'm sure. Not to mention dating sites. If she changes her mind and doesn't want to take on this huge burden of debt when he comes home, she doesn't have to. She doesn't even have to remain faithful to him why he's in France either. They aren't married, so if she gets sick of being alone or 'waiting for him to complete his life long goal', she can just say the hell with it and dump his ass over the phone. She, like most women, have plenty of options.

 

Honestly, her spouse is making things hard for himself and she's just being a great supporting partner. It's clear that whatever guy she ends up with long term will be quite lucky. I rarely see women willing to stand by their man in the face of social criticism. This is especially true with criticism from other females.

 

I think what she's doing is great and it really doesn't impact her at all. She's of no obligation to continue with any of it. This story is much better than say many other stories on this board where people are going WAY TOO FAST and hooking up and having kids in their early teens and 20s. This situation isn't much of a risk for the OP except perhaps emotionally.

 

SuperGeek

When a man initiates a LDR that's a different thing than if he lives somewhere else or has to meet obligations, this guy is making the choice over the relationship...which I think is good for him, bad for her. I personally have extensive experience with LDR, very likely more than most...so I'm not speaking from a generic angle basis of judgment here either.

 

I'd be very surprised if this leads him to a job in the future, I'd be very surprised if he doesn't just end up in a lot of debt, I'd be very surprised if he doesn't try to immerse himself in the culture including the vagina. I also question how stable and solid in his rehabilitation with alcohol, Europeans from my experience are much bigger drinkers than Americans.

Edited June 18, 2013 by SuperGeek

[ltjg45]

All I can ask for, at this point OP, is to keep us updated on this if you want to.

 

I'm just curious how this will turn out because this is one decision I wouldn't go along with if I had to consider losing a good woman if anything goes wrong.

 

Fortunately for him, you went through something similar before so you understand what he is going through in general but there is so much that can go wrong and fast.

 

Esp. in another country. That's another goose egg of possible problems right there.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I hope everything works out for Miss Jacyln, but I think it would be in both her and her bf's best interest to put the relationship on hold while they are apart from eachother.

 

There is just too many expectations that are going to be hard to meet. THey would be best served in a "let's reevluate things when I get back" scenario. If they do have true love or neither has met someone else in that time period they can get back together state side and pick things up.

 

I don't care how great this guy is...it is extremely difficult for a young 20 year old person to put their life on hold for a year in a non-married situation. There is just so much personal growth that happens at this time in your life that it would be ashame to stunt it waiting for a guy to return from overseas. You might be a completely different person with different goals by the time he gets back.

 

 

Thank you.

 

 

I've never understood that mindset. I'm not technically waiting for anything, and by him leaving, what exactly am I putting on hold when it comes to MY life?

Not to mention this expectations you are referring to. What are they and just because they would be hard for you, doesn't mean they would be hard for me. Lol

[sweetjasmine]

When a man initiates a LDR that's a different thing than if he lives somewhere else or has to meet obligations, this guy is making the choice over the relationship...which I think is good for him, bad for her. I personally have extensive experience with LDR, very likely more than most...so I'm not speaking from a generic angle basis of judgment here either.

 

Good grief. He made the decision and plans to go before they were together. That's not the same as "initiating an LDR" and choosing an LDR over her.

 

I had already accepted a place in a PhD program in another time zone when my H and I started seeing each other. Does that mean I "initiated an LDR" and chose it over him because I didn't care about him? Nope. It was something I had to do, and he had to stay where he was for his own reasons. It was either going to work or not, but neither of us did anything wrong in sticking with our previously arranged plans.

 

It's not unfair to enter into a relationship knowing that you'll be separated from your partner at some point if both people know it's happening and are going into it with eyes wide open. It's riskier, but if both people are willing to give it a chance, what exactly is the big friggin' deal?