My boyfriend said something really sweet.

[MrCastle]

Thanks castle.

 

 

I still wouldn't date anyone that lived at home though.

 

Darn.

 

Maybe I move to different country so I can date someone who lives here

[Ninjainpajamas]

First off, it doesn't cost 2-3k to go to Europe during the off-peak season...you can pay as low as 900 bucks if you don't mind 2-stops or a layover, the most I've ever paid was 1,500 usd and that was farther than France but I've been there as well.

 

Secondly in this situation his age, profession, and all of that doesn't have much to do with my opinion at least concerning what he said to you...to me he just showed his cards with some very, very typical man behavior that I'm sure many women who have already been through it are familiar with.

 

The guy is 30 which is actually a good time to travel..in your 20's you don't really have the confidence, aptitude and social awareness IMO to really adjust to the adversity of a new and different culture than your own, it may awe you but the experience you gain through life in your 20's greatly helps you adapt and adjust more quickly in my opinion because you're more solid as a person, know who you are to a degree and all that jazz...so I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing.

 

I think it's an actually really good thing for him, I think this is what he really needs to do. However when speaking for the relationship as a whole, I think it's just a huge indicator that this relationship is not that serious and he is not as invested as you are..this not uncommon behavior and rhetoric from men who in the end, do nothing...and yes even if they did it with a smile on their face and seemed like the most genuine and honest guy in the world when saying it, look at LS, many women felt that way just like you at one time...in fact I'm not even denying that the guy even thinks he feels it to a degree when he saying it in that moment...however that's also up to debate, but I think mainly he was padding and trying to reassure you...If he meant it and was serious, it would have happened, he would have married you...that's the bottom line. That was stupid for him to just tell you after the fact, that really gave him away there, that wasn't honest.

 

The guy though is going to France, to live a whole year without you. How you sweep that one under the rug is just...wow, you really got it bad. Not only is he going to be in one of his fantasy places he's probably always dreamed of...how can you not think of the other women? I mean my god, has he even been around/with/dated European women ...Your guy doesn't sound that experienced but I am and I heart them, they're as a whole generally more independent, mature, realistic, no BS or games that we play here in the US...more transparency and less hocus pocus magic fairy-tale idealistic mumbo jumbo.

 

I talked to an 18 year old girl from Sweden or Norway, somewhere like that and I was actually really impressed, we had a really good discussion about cultures as she went to school in Cali...If I was your BF I'd probably have slept with her, but alas, I am 32 and burdened with the cruelty a conscience so I did not try. Imagine this guy in Paris with a bunch of girls around your age...hot little accents, bodies (even the fat girls are American skinny) and he's an unmarried American guy (albeit probably not a very smooth one but still, two brownie points for being a foreigner).

 

I'm happy for the guy, I think he's going to have a great time...but for you, well.....I think he should have done you the favor of breaking it off before he left, but he probably needed you at the time, he seems co-dependent.

 

Now he's going to have to write all those reassuring emails pretending he's not having as great of a time because you're not there and wishing you were (if you'd like I can probably write you something close to exactly to what he'd tell you If I know men) and then the obligatory phone calls where he tells you how much he misses you and your voice and all that when he's really having a great time without you, feeling conflicted with enjoying himself because ::sigh:: would only be perfect if you were here with him.

 

His actions are not matching his words to me.

 

And you, well you defend this guy because you can relate to him...you has a compassion and nurturing demeanor towards him because of what you've been through in your own life...it's clearly apparent that your life experiences are playing a huge part on your interest in this man...you are the fixer/nurturer and I think you think this guy needs you at this point...that make you such a great team and work through so much together, how could he possibly live without you...he treats like you the center of the wooooorld.

 

If I got this guy pegged than I have one simple word that marks my feelings at this time...........watch. I don't need to prove it to you or convince you of anything, he'll show himself...I just hope you protect yourself from possibly a very massive disappointment and world of hurt, this guy can really really hurt you and shatter your beliefs and feelings, you trust him way too much...I think you're taking his issues, co-dependency and the way he's leaned on you in this relationship as way too much of a gesture that he will be around in the future and of course your belief that he loves you....as a man, he's not showing it to me, he's just trying to reassure you which all men would try to do, even if they knew they may fail you.

 

But that's all I'll say about your situation...I usually leave these posts alone, but IMO this guy showed his hand...and if we were playing poker I'd call his bluff immediately without thinking twice, I just hope you protect yourself because he really did a classic give-giveaway guy move that doesn't usually end well.

[miss_jaclynrae]

First off, it doesn't cost 2-3k to go to Europe during the off-peak season...you can pay as low as 900 bucks if you don't mind 2-stops or a layover, the most I've ever paid was 1,500 usd and that was farther than France but I've been there as well.

 

Secondly in this situation his age, profession, and all of that doesn't have much to do with my opinion at least concerning what he said to you...to me he just showed his cards with some very, very typical man behavior that I'm sure many women who have already been through it are familiar with.

 

The guy is 30 which is actually a good time to travel..in your 20's you don't really have the confidence, aptitude and social awareness IMO to really adjust to the adversity of a new and different culture than your own, it may awe you but the experience you gain through life in your 20's greatly helps you adapt and adjust more quickly in my opinion because you're more solid as a person, know who you are to a degree and all that jazz...so I don't necessarily see that as a bad thing.

 

I think it's an actually really good thing for him, I think this is what he really needs to do. However when speaking for the relationship as a whole, I think it's just a huge indicator that this relationship is not that serious and he is not as invested as you are..this not uncommon behavior and rhetoric from men who in the end, do nothing...and yes even if they did it with a smile on their face and seemed like the most genuine and honest guy in the world when saying it, look at LS, many women felt that way just like you at one time...in fact I'm not even denying that the guy even thinks he feels it to a degree when he saying it in that moment...however that's also up to debate, but I think mainly he was padding and trying to reassure you...If he meant it and was serious, it would have happened, he would have married you...that's the bottom line. That was stupid for him to just tell you after the fact, that really gave him away there, that wasn't honest.

 

The guy though is going to France, to live a whole year without you. How you sweep that one under the rug is just...wow, you really got it bad. Not only is he going to be in one of his fantasy places he's probably always dreamed of...how can you not think of the other women? I mean my god, has he even been around/with/dated European women ...Your guy doesn't sound that experienced but I am and I heart them, they're as a whole generally more independent, mature, realistic, no BS or games that we play here in the US...more transparency and less hocus pocus magic fairy-tale idealistic mumbo jumbo.

 

I talked to an 18 year old girl from Sweden or Norway, somewhere like that and I was actually really impressed, we had a really good discussion about cultures as she went to school in Cali...If I was your BF I'd probably have slept with her, but alas, I am 32 and burdened with the cruelty a conscience so I did not try. Imagine this guy in Paris with a bunch of girls around your age...hot little accents, bodies (even the fat girls are American skinny) and he's an unmarried American guy (albeit probably not a very smooth one but still, two brownie points for being a foreigner).

 

I'm happy for the guy, I think he's going to have a great time...but for you, well.....I think he should have done you the favor of breaking it off before he left, but he probably needed you at the time, he seems co-dependent.

 

Now he's going to have to write all those reassuring emails pretending he's not having as great of a time because you're not there and wishing you were (if you'd like I can probably write you something close to exactly to what he'd tell you If I know men) and then the obligatory phone calls where he tells you how much he misses you and your voice and all that when he's really having a great time without you, feeling conflicted with enjoying himself because ::sigh:: would only be perfect if you were here with him.

 

His actions are not matching his words to me.

 

And you, well you defend this guy because you can relate to him...you has a compassion and nurturing demeanor towards him because of what you've been through in your own life...it's clearly apparent that your life experiences are playing a huge part on your interest in this man...you are the fixer/nurturer and I think you think this guy needs you at this point...that make you such a great team and work through so much together, how could he possibly live without you...he treats like you the center of the wooooorld.

 

If I got this guy pegged than I have one simple word that marks my feelings at this time...........watch. I don't need to prove it to you or convince you of anything, he'll show himself...I just hope you protect yourself from possibly a very massive disappointment and world of hurt, this guy can really really hurt you and shatter your beliefs and feelings, you trust him way too much...I think you're taking his issues, co-dependency and the way he's leaned on you in this relationship as way too much of a gesture that he will be around in the future and of course your belief that he loves you....as a man, he's not showing it to me, he's just trying to reassure you which all men would try to do, even if they knew they may fail you.

 

But that's all I'll say about your situation...I usually leave these posts alone, but IMO this guy showed his hand...and if we were playing poker I'd call his bluff immediately without thinking twice, I just hope you protect yourself because he really did a classic give-giveaway guy move that doesn't usually end well.

 

You know, you talk the talk... but you in no way give any advice if everything you say were true.

 

SO what exactly are you saying is going to happen?

Do you think he will cheat? Do you think he will just disappear after all is said and done?

 

 

If you are going to talk so much, have something to actually say.

 

 

 

You say he isn't as invested, but I beg to differ. I am one with his family already, family trips with them while he is gone, and my family already plans on writing him while he is away. We have a LOT invested in one another. And while the fear of cheating is a real one, I truly trust him, and if he cheats he cheats. I am not going to attach my mind onto something that he has never given me a reason to expect.

Edited June 17, 2013 by miss_jaclynrae

[KungFuJoe]

Serial, I am not saying at 30 you die but by 30 I don't want to be in school. Obviously for OP's bf it doesn't matter, I personally am not into it. By 30 I would hope you are settling down and doing things that older people do, like not being in school.

 

I'm 39 and I just started college (well...after an 18 year hiatus. )

 

Also, you're as old as you feel. I'm 39 and I still party like I'm in my early 20s. Well...maybe not QUITE as hard since I have 3 kids now, but still...I just got back from a Vegas trip last month and this weekend we're going up to LA to hit up some club and then we got Vegas again next month.

 

Life isn't over until you want it to be over!

[KungFuJoe]

You know, you talk the talk... but you in no way give any advice if everything you say were true.

 

SO what exactly are you saying is going to happen?

Do you think he will cheat? Do you think he will just disappear after all is said and done?

 

 

If you are going to talk so much, have something to actually say.

 

 

 

You say he isn't as invested, but I beg to differ. I am one with his family already, family trips with them while he is gone, and my family already plans on writing him while he is away. We have a LOT invested in one another. And while the fear of cheating is a real one, I truly trust him, and if he cheats he cheats. I am not going to attach my mind onto something that he has never given me a reason to expect.

 

Don't listen to a word ninjapajamas says...he obviously has no clue.

[hudson701]

Same happened with my ex-girlfriend, the only person I have ever been in love with. The relationship failed- distance and lack of quality time is the ultimate killer. Lesson learnt - never go out with a 22 year old who's still finding her feet and wants to travel the world- you will get burnt!

 

Sorry love, you got no chance. Been there, done it, don't ever, EVER want to go through it again.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You know, you talk the talk... but you in no way give any advice if everything you say were true.

 

SO what exactly are you saying is going to happen?

Do you think he will cheat? Do you think he will just disappear after all is said and done?

 

If you are going to talk so much, have something to actually say.

 

You say he isn't as invested, but I beg to differ. I am one with his family already, family trips with them while he is gone, and my family already plans on writing him while he is away. We have a LOT invested in one another. And while the fear of cheating is a real one, I truly trust him, and if he cheats he cheats. I am not going to attach my mind onto something that he has never given me a reason to expect.

 

My advice would have been to either be in this relationship, make it work through some other means or put trip on hold until you're more financially able to even afford something like that to at least you could go visit on occasion...why didn't he just marry you now? then go next year? I mean not only does it sound like a huge challenge to this relationship it also sounds like a huge expense, an expense you will incur even if you did hypothetically get married someday in the distant future (talking about living expenses not just student type loans which I'm not even sure you can take out for something like that). And what if he doesn't make it, what if he doesn't make the big bucks? are we short on non-native French speakers/professors somewhere I haven't checked?

 

I think that's what would have been his choice If he was invested, I think he would have been more scared to lose you than it was for him to just carry through with his plan or at least wise enough not to get himself in a relationship in the first place which shows me he's thinking about himself before you because I don't care what he tells you I know you're going to be hurt, to me this just shows his isn't ready for that commitment and is trying to cake-eat and you're falling right in line with his "plans".

 

You actually supported him and nurtured this whole thing so now you're going to deal with just about any consequences that you might endure, and guess what if he does cheat, you'd probably stick around because you've invested so much in this already...who knows! That's if he were to even tell you...but of course he might cheat, emotionally or physically...how can that not be on the top of the worry list when you're going to be separated the greater part of the year because you can't afford to visit or stay (not that he can either realistically from the sound of it).

 

And not that it really makes a huge difference for men in terms of cheating, but it does have an affect...he could have still went over there a married man if that's what he actually meant, but guess what...for all intents and purposes this guy is officially known as "single".

 

Whatever though, we'll see how much this past year has an impact once he's over there and all these family gestures or whatever aren't going to make up for the fact that he isn't there with you.

 

I know you know better than this and what it means...you can put up a front and defend him but I know deep down inside that he's choosing this over you, and in case you haven't forgotten what it feels like for someone to be gone for long-periods of time you'll soon remember the heart ache and gut wrenching feeling of not being with someone you "love"...you better do what you can or need to do now, you better communicate and express how you feel before he's gone, you should speak your mind and put the fiery iron to his @ss now that he's still here...because once he's gone, he's gone and you'll have no idea what to expect...you can "hope" for the best but good luck with that.

[SJC2008]

"You have no idea, I was just telling my mom on the phone how I wish we had met a year earlier so we could be married and you could come with me. Life didn't work out that way though. So don't be sorry, everything is going to work out perfectly."

 

Miss J I really hope things work out for you all and you're probably going to loop me in with the "haters" for this but here goes: I have a problem with the bold. It comes accross as appeasing and that he knows you're gullible. If he meant it he would of said it directly to you, not 'I told my mom xyz'.

 

Your BF is going to Europe and let's be honest; European women have a reputation for being a lot more laid back and are also known for going up to men at clubs/bars WAY more than women in the US. Couple that with the fact that your man has "game" in that he cold approached you, I don't like the combination. I don't know him and aren't questioning his moral compass or trying to correlate having confidence with not having a moral compass but I personally wouldn't be able to handle the situation in either one of yalls shoes.

[charlietheginger]

Why didnt he use the trip money to marry you ?

Or atleast buy a engagement ring.....?

 

Seems to me he is all talk....

 

If he loved you so much he would take classes fall and

Winter then take the trip next yr as a honeymoon....

 

But hey thats what most guys would do. But im old fashion

The thought of voluntarily leaving my girlfriend to travel

Europe would make me ill and feel guilty....

[KungFuJoe]

Miss J I really hope things work out for you all and you're probably going to loop me in with the "haters" for this but here goes: I have a problem with the bold. It comes accross as appeasing and that he knows you're gullible. If he meant it he would of said it directly to you, not 'I told my mom xyz'.

 

Your BF is going to Europe and let's be honest; European women have a reputation for being a lot more laid back and are also known for going up to men at clubs/bars WAY more than women in the US. Couple that with the fact that your man has "game" in that he cold approached you, I don't like the combination. I don't know him and aren't questioning his moral compass or trying to correlate having confidence with not having a moral compass but I personally wouldn't be able to handle the situation in either one of yalls shoes.

 

I've said this before, but being faithful should NEVER be measured by opportunity (or lack of).

 

It doesn't matter if he's going to stay a year at the Playboy mansion. If he's faithful, he'll stay faithful.

[xxoo]

Worst case scenario--it doesn't work out. You break up.

 

Does that mean you shouldn't enjoy the love you have for each other right now? Of course not!

 

Some people will live their whole lives without experiencing deep love and true intimacy. You've got it. Appreciate it! But know, of course, that love needs to be nurtured and fed, and that is hard to do with thousands of miles between you. It can be done, but it is difficult. I'm rooting for you

[KungFuJoe]

I think the people making the negative comments have just never been in love.

 

I know, for a fact, that had I or my wife (gf at the time) had to leave the country for a year (after having been together a year) that it would have sucked BIG TIME. Words couldn't describe how awful it would have been. But you gotta do what you gotta do to better your future and I know we would have made it work somehow and when you think about spending the rest of your life with someone (I'm talking decades and decades) a year within that span becomes a blip.

[Ripnet]

I don't know what the big deal is when you have skype and other chat technologies to communicate with low or no cost.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

I think the people making the negative comments have just never been in love.

 

I know, for a fact, that had I or my wife (gf at the time) had to leave the country for a year (after having been together a year) that it would have sucked BIG TIME. Words couldn't describe how awful it would have been. But you gotta do what you gotta do to better your future and I know we would have made it work somehow and when you think about spending the rest of your life with someone (I'm talking decades and decades) a year within that span becomes a blip.

 

And has she even been with this guy a year?

[miss_jaclynrae]

My advice would have been to either be in this relationship, make it work through some other means or put trip on hold until you're more financially able to even afford something like that to at least you could go visit on occasion...why didn't he just marry you now? then go next year? I mean not only does it sound like a huge challenge to this relationship it also sounds like a huge expense, an expense you will incur even if you did hypothetically get married someday in the distant future (talking about living expenses not just student type loans which I'm not even sure you can take out for something like that). And what if he doesn't make it, what if he doesn't make the big bucks? are we short on non-native French speakers/professors somewhere I haven't checked?

 

I think that's what would have been his choice If he was invested, I think he would have been more scared to lose you than it was for him to just carry through with his plan or at least wise enough not to get himself in a relationship in the first place which shows me he's thinking about himself before you because I don't care what he tells you I know you're going to be hurt, to me this just shows his isn't ready for that commitment and is trying to cake-eat and you're falling right in line with his "plans".

 

You actually supported him and nurtured this whole thing so now you're going to deal with just about any consequences that you might endure, and guess what if he does cheat, you'd probably stick around because you've invested so much in this already...who knows! That's if he were to even tell you...but of course he might cheat, emotionally or physically...how can that not be on the top of the worry list when you're going to be separated the greater part of the year because you can't afford to visit or stay (not that he can either realistically from the sound of it).

 

And not that it really makes a huge difference for men in terms of cheating, but it does have an affect...he could have still went over there a married man if that's what he actually meant, but guess what...for all intents and purposes this guy is officially known as "single".

 

Whatever though, we'll see how much this past year has an impact once he's over there and all these family gestures or whatever aren't going to make up for the fact that he isn't there with you.

 

I know you know better than this and what it means...you can put up a front and defend him but I know deep down inside that he's choosing this over you, and in case you haven't forgotten what it feels like for someone to be gone for long-periods of time you'll soon remember the heart ache and gut wrenching feeling of not being with someone you "love"...you better do what you can or need to do now, you better communicate and express how you feel before he's gone, you should speak your mind and put the fiery iron to his @ss now that he's still here...because once he's gone, he's gone and you'll have no idea what to expect...you can "hope" for the best but good luck with that.

 

 

I wouldn't WANT to get married NOW. I want the wedding, the year to plan and prepare, not to mention the fact that I think this WILL be a huge deciding factor in whether or not we are truly meant to be.

As for why now? Because this has been in the works for a long time, since before me, and I know how much it means to him. Why NOT now? We will be apart yes, but I have been away from the one I love before and it worked out fine.

 

I don't mind if he doesn't make the big bucks, as my parents said, you can't NOT get an education because you MIGHT not get it. That is such a negative way to see things, realistic, but if you never try then you have already failed.

 

As for him being scared to lose me? Why would that be an issue? I have been fully supportive of this! He ISN'T afraid to lose me because I have been his number one cheerleader, which I think every partner should be. Of course he is thinking about himself, but by thinking of himself he is also preparing long term for US. I think by him being selfish for a year is a good thing, I know I would regret it if I turned down such an opportunity because I was "afraid" of losing my partner.

 

You think we planned to meet eachother, or that he planned to find me before such an event? No, it just happened, just like how life happened, and he was honest and open and I jumped into it knowing full well what was going to happen.

 

Not to mention, a lot of what you aren't seeing is how easily he could have jumped ship long ago. He isn't ready to commit? He and I moved in together, around the same time I ended up losing my job and my car... what man would go forward knowing that he could easily end up having to support me? It was something we knew could happen and he had a chance early on to jump ship.

 

But he didn't. We moved in together officially and he has been an amazing emotional supporter as well as my biggest fan for my goals as well. What he said was so sweet, but on a daily basis he does so much for me, in actions.

 

The cheating thing? That honestly isn't a worry at all. He wants to get married, he wants to settle down, and I am so lucky because he wants that with me. Anyone can cheat, if he was going to cheat he could go off and make it happen now. He isn't doing this to escape me or party it up in another country. He is a recovering alcoholic. He has to keep a strict schedule, AA meetings, daily runs, and he is in an intense program that will have him studying his ass off. I am in NO way worried. He has been to France 3 times, each for about 2 months, all while he was an alcoholic. He's had fun there, he has experienced women there, and this trip is a completely different experience for him. He is an extremely intellectual man, he prefers museums and reading, and I am so excited for him to be somewhere where he will have it all right there. His favorite pieces of art right there for him to enjoy when he wants.

 

I've done the separation thing numerous times, I know that it is going to SUCK. As I said before, I have become a pro at adjusting. When you have to deal with someone you love leaving constantly, you get into a routine and deal with it.

 

I am a strong woman, and I have no doubt that we are going to go through this marvelously. No fear here, just excitement and a bit of sadness.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Worst case scenario--it doesn't work out. You break up.

 

Does that mean you shouldn't enjoy the love you have for each other right now? Of course not!

 

Some people will live their whole lives without experiencing deep love and true intimacy. You've got it. Appreciate it! But know, of course, that love needs to be nurtured and fed, and that is hard to do with thousands of miles between you. It can be done, but it is difficult. I'm rooting for you

 

Thanks. I really am not worried. As I said before, I went through two deployments, one where he was on a ship stopping at various ports in the pacific, and another through a tour in Afghanistan. Not to mention the first year of our relationship was all LDR.

 

I am a master at LDRs.

 

I think the people making the negative comments have just never been in love.

 

I know, for a fact, that had I or my wife (gf at the time) had to leave the country for a year (after having been together a year) that it would have sucked BIG TIME. Words couldn't describe how awful it would have been. But you gotta do what you gotta do to better your future and I know we would have made it work somehow and when you think about spending the rest of your life with someone (I'm talking decades and decades) a year within that span becomes a blip.

 

I always love what you say.

 

I don't know what the big deal is when you have skype and other chat technologies to communicate with low or no cost.

 

Exactly. We plan on utilizing every for of communication possible.

Gosh, at least with this time I will actually be able to CALL my man rather than having to write snail mail and go through months of no contact.

 

And has she even been with this guy a year?

 

No. It will be 10 months when he leaves. That doesn't really matter much though. My ex husband, he left 2 weeks after we started dating. We made it through smooth sailing.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Thanks. I really am not worried. As I said before, I went through two deployments, one where he was on a ship stopping at various ports in the pacific, and another through a tour in Afghanistan. Not to mention the first year of our relationship was all LDR.

 

I am a master at LDRs.

 

 

 

I always love what you say.

 

 

 

Exactly. We plan on utilizing every for of communication possible.

Gosh, at least with this time I will actually be able to CALL my man rather than having to write snail mail and go through months of no contact.

 

 

 

No. It will be 10 months when he leaves. That doesn't really matter much though. My ex husband, he left 2 weeks after we started dating. We made it through smooth sailing.

 

Umm smooth sailing huh?? Ok then

[amaysngrace]

I am honestly confused what I have said or done that has made a select few of you feel the need to rain on my parade EVERY single time.

 

It's called jealousy.

 

I told my guy that I wished we met earlier so that my kids could be his kids too and that was seven years ago.

 

I still wish that.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Umm smooth sailing huh?? Ok then

 

Yep! He came home and we got married! Then he left again! We still were married!

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Yep! He came home and we got married! Then he left again! We still were married!

 

Are you married now?? Ok then

Anyways I am not even going there.. So whatever.. good luck with whatever happens.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Are you married now?? Ok then

Anyways I am not even going there.. So whatever.. good luck with whatever happens.

 

Um, like, no.

He like totally didn't want to be married anymore after suffering from PTSD once he got out of the military. He like became abusive or whatever.

 

Serial though, our LDRs had nothing to do with us like divorcing.

Totally thanks for the good luck!

[xxoo]

It is a little difficult to swallow your failed first marriage as any sort of evidence of your relationship mastery....

 

But it's ok not to be a master at relationships. None of us are.

[Anela]

Are you married now?? Ok then

Anyways I am not even going there.. So whatever.. good luck with whatever happens.

 

So she's been here before, and knows what to expect. This is happening before they get married, and I wouldn't want to get in the way of someone's dream either.

 

I actually think she sounds pretty mature over the whole thing. I'm not someone who would trust that easily, but then if that's the case, I wouldn't be with the guy in the first place.

[SuperGeek]

I am personally jealous that you will stay with this guy even though he's leaving and heading to France for a year. I can't even get a girl to stay with me for a few months in the same TOWN. He's a lucky man to have you so I hope he knows what he's doing. I am honestly jealous. I really am.

 

Finding a good woman that actually is INTO ME is like finding a needle in a football field full of haystacks. I'm in my 30s and have had a few relationship blunders , have been divorced, yadda yadda... so I have life experience to compare the situation you describe here with my own.

 

If I could meet that special woman right now I'd make her my world and I sure as hell wouldn't be going to France without her in my 30s!

 

What I said above is just me though and that doesn't make what he's doing wrong. I just sure as hell hope he knows what he is doing. Loads of debt, lack of employment, and lots of other complications just in daily life can completely wreck relationships.

 

On the other hand, you are young yourself and perhaps you could have a change of heart too at some point. Can't tell you how many college girls (even post grads) have expressed their desire to settle down with me to then get whisked away by the charm of some other guy. It all just seems random or I'm just very poor at dating and keeping relationships going in general.

[miss_jaclynrae]

It is a little difficult to swallow your failed first marriage as any sort of evidence of your relationship mastery....

 

But it's ok not to be a master at relationships. None of us are.

 

In all fairness. I have said it time and time again. After the afghanistan deployment he got out of the military. PTSD reared its ugly head and he realized he DIDN'T want to be married and then turned to drinking, aduse, and cheating in the last few months we were together.

 

 

If anyone has been with someone in the military who suffered from PTSD... I can say that I was fully invested in the relationship. It was heartbreaking actually.

 

It just goes to show though that you never really know what can happen. All you can ever do is hope for the best and hold up your end. You can't control the other person, you just have to trust that they are doing the same.