My boyfriend said something really sweet.

[miss_jaclynrae]

I'm at my parents house tonight and we were talking on the phone about his upcoming departure to France.

I apologized for not seeming interested in all his talks about planning for the trip, since as of late I have taken to disconnecting a bit when it comes up. It just seems to be the topic of discussion so much, I just get overwhelmed and turn into one of those Mhm, Yeah? Great. Sure. Overall zoned out I guess.

 

 

Anyways, I apologized since I know I am his biggest cheerleader for seeming displaced when it comes up. He went on to tell me this.

 

"I know babe, I know this is MY adventure and you aren't going to be there to experience it with me. I understand, this is US doing this though, we are a team. Don't think I am thinking only about me in all of this, you are constantly in my thoughts. You have no idea, I was just telling my mom on the phone how I wish we had met a year earlier so we could be married and you could come with me. Life didn't work out that way though. So don't be sorry, everything is going to work out perfectly."

:love::love::love:

 

 

I just about died. I love that man so much.

This has been the first time he has said something that had to do with us being married and wishing I was going. He always says he wishes I could go, but not quite like this. Totally made my night!

[Cutiepie1976]

That's nice! Very sweet! I'm sure it will be hard on both of you when he's away.

 

If you don't mind sharing, what is he going to France for? How long will he be away? Could you join him briefly at the very end? Sometimes tickets are really cheap...

[miss_jaclynrae]

That's nice! Very sweet! I'm sure it will be hard on both of you when he's away.

 

If you don't mind sharing, what is he going to France for? How long will he be away? Could you join him briefly at the very end? Sometimes tickets are really cheap...

 

He is studying abroad for a year. I will be joining him for a month, but that wont be until next July.

With me being in school and University not starting until a few months after, our schedules won't line up for a trip until then.

 

 

How cheap is cheap? Being in California, I wouldn't say it would be a cheap trip.

[Cutiepie1976]

You would be surprised at how cheap sometimes.

 

What is he studying? Could you go for Christmas. If you're both in school you would have a break then, I would think.

[miss_jaclynrae]

You would be surprised at how cheap sometimes.

 

What is he studying? Could you go for Christmas. If you're both in school you would have a break then, I would think.

 

French. He is a French Major.

 

We are both in school, but in France, University for him wont start until October and break is in late January. I would only be able to visit for a week and I would rather go later that way I could spend more time there with him. I've never really left California so it would be an adventure!

[aussietigerwolf]

awww.... that is sooo sweet!

[Star Gazer]

Yeah, my Skiman had said those same exact words: "...wish we'd met sooner, so we could be married, and you could have come on this trip."

 

Ha.

 

But yeah, it's sweet to hear. Glad you have LS to boast about how awesome your relationship is.

[miss_jaclynrae]

Yeah, my Skiman had said those same exact words: "...wish we'd met sooner, so we could be married, and you could have come on this trip."

 

Ha.

 

But yeah, it's sweet to hear. Glad you have LS to boast about how awesome your relationship is.

 

Do you mean to sound snarky?

[Els]

I have popcorn, if anyone wants some.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yeah, my Skiman had said those same exact words: "...wish we'd met sooner, so we could be married, and you could have come on this trip."

 

Ha.

 

But yeah, it's sweet to hear. Glad you have LS to boast about how awesome your relationship is.

 

 

My ex, said the same words too. He wasn't even going on a trip; he just kept saying "I wish I had met you years ago because you are the love of my life and I wish I got to spend even more of this life with you"

 

And look at us now. Haven't spoken in nearly a year and he blocked me on Facebook

[Ninjainpajamas]

I'm sorry but that's gotta be one of most ridiculous relationship padding/comforting lines I have ever heard...I'm surprised these guys had the nerve to say that face to face instead of over the phone.

 

"I wish we had met a year earlier so we could be married and you could come with me."

 

Seriously, why would you actually believe a line like that other than an "in the moment" sort of thing? It's easy to say things in a past tense...we all know that.

 

I think it's good he is going overseas however and putting his life first before the relationship (both of these men), this is very important for a man....not that this is atypical of men but I think it reveals they really aren't ready for a serious commitment in their lives yet.

 

Good luck ladies.

[Eternal Sunshine]

Yes ninja, all those lines said sound nice in the moment but really mean nothing. I now filter them out like white noise.

 

Look at the actions instead.

 

Positive actions:

 

Action: Come on this trip with me?

Action: I am not going on this trip, I want to stay with you instead.

Action: Will you marry me?

[Anela]

I have popcorn, if anyone wants some.

 

I'll take some non-dairy chocolate ice cream.

 

jaclyn, I hope it works out for you. I was wondering why you couldn't go, but you answered that in a comment above. If his school starts in October, why is he leaving so soon?

[miss_jaclynrae]

I'll take some non-dairy chocolate ice cream.

 

jaclyn, I hope it works out for you. I was wondering why you couldn't go, but you answered that in a comment above. If his school starts in October, why is he leaving so soon?

 

Its through a university here.

Therefore, he leaves early august for some FSL courses and then The University he is studying at starts.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for the support. I don't see what is so horrible about me sharing nice things.

 

I am seriously at wits end. Its frustrating. Some things I don't like to share with family and with my best friend having a baby I cant just call her late to share something so trivial.

It meant a lot to me, I don't know what I am doing wrong here to get so much flack. Since when did a relationship site mean that it is ONLY to complain about them and now share the beautiful part of them as well?

 

 

I am honestly confused what I have said or done that has made a select few of you feel the need to rain on my parade EVERY single time.

[Emilia]

Seriously, why would you actually believe a line like that other than an "in the moment" sort of thing? It's easy to say things in a past tense...we all know that.

 

I think it's good he is going overseas however and putting his life first before the relationship (both of these men), this is very important for a man....not that this is atypical of men but I think it reveals they really aren't ready for a serious commitment in their lives yet.

 

Good luck ladies.

This is what happens when you date the addict self-absorbed. How it's a surprise to anyone I'll never understand.

[ImperfectionisBeauty]

Ummm oh ok then. Cool story I guess.

Ok I won't even try to be rude to you I will say aww how cute... But he has known that he's leaving for how long? If he wanted you to really come with him he would have made sure you did. Then again you both haven't even been together a year so maybe he needs his space.

Edited June 17, 2013 by ImperfectionisBeauty

[Emilia]

I am honestly confused what I have said or done that has made a select few of you feel the need to rain on my parade EVERY single time.

ignorance over the reality of your own worth combined with thinly-veiled dismissal of everyone else you deem less desirable than yourself

[StanMusial]

I used to travel extensively for my job and it ruined more than one relationship. And I was home most weekends. The problem wasn't on my end either. I'd be interested to hear your take on the situation a few months into his absence.

 

I'm not picking on you Jaclyn, you and a couple others seem to be the most normal girls on here. Just giving you my opinion based on experience.

 

Lastly, I would not leave my gf behind for anything right now. I learned my lesson.

[ltjg45]

Lastly, I would not leave my gf behind for anything right now. I learned my lesson.

 

Neither would I if it happens to be a woman I wanted to marry one day. Nothing will be on an higher importance level than her. I rather make educational changes (like finding an college closer to her) than to just take a trip to some college overseas.

 

That can easily ruin an relationship.

 

Hope it works out for you, OP, but I can see that backfiring.

[Els]

Jaclyn, I genuinely have nothing against you, but I can see how some people might find that your postings leave a bad taste in their mouth. Not this one specifically, but the combination as a whole, especially how you phrase certain things or how you come across. Given that I'm not always the most perceptive person, especially when it comes to subtleties in text, this says a lot.

 

Hope that answers your question as to the 'why'. I don't think most people have anything against happy posts; most happy posts tend to be well-received (even if they don't get many responses). I don't think you necessarily intend to come across the way you do, though, and I really do hope your R works out well for you.

 

Neither would I if it happens to be a woman I wanted to marry one day. Nothing will be on an higher importance level than her. I rather make educational changes (like finding an college closer to her) than to just take a trip to some college overseas.

 

At the OP's age (early 20s, from my recollection?), the most prudent decision for both men and women would usually be to make the best educational/career move for themselves. A year with one visit in between is perfectly doable, and many couples have managed it.

[clia]

It's a sweet thing to say, but I have also learned that talk is cheap. It's very easy to say that you wish "something" had or would happen when there is 100% chance that it won't.

 

You seem like an intelligent person, so I'll take your word for it on how wonderful your boyfriend is. But, I'm having a hard time reconciling the guy who is saying such sweet things to you with the guy who is going away for an entire year and doesn't plan to come back and visit you even once. In fact, you aren't going to see him for almost a year! That's longer than you've even been together.

 

I'm not the biggest fan of long distance relationships to begin with -- they are really hard work and very lonely. But, your situation is one where I think it can work -- you've already established a solid relationship in person and he is only leaving for a discrete period of time. That said, if my boyfriend was leaving for a year with no intention of seeing me for almost a year -- when I came to him -- alarm bells would be going off in my head. I get that it's expensive, but he's known for some time that he's going to be leaving. He could've been saving up. There are ways. All he really needs to pay for is the flight, since he'd be staying with you. (And who cares if you have to go to school or work while he's here?) I don't know...I can't fathom having a boyfriend who I wouldn't see for an entire year. That seems crazy.

 

I trust you know what you are doing, but I can't say I blame you for not feeling overly excited about his plans. He's leaving for a great adventure, and you are going to be stuck with a boyfriend who is not physically present in your life for the next year. From where I'm standing, you are a beautiful, young, intelligent girl who deserves better than a penpal in France for the next year.

[KatZee]

You seem like an intelligent person, so I'll take your word for it on how wonderful your boyfriend is. But, I'm having a hard time reconciling the guy who is saying such sweet things to you with the guy who is going away for an entire year and doesn't plan to come back and visit you even once. In fact, you aren't going to see him for almost a year! That's longer than you've even been together.

 

I'm not the biggest fan of long distance relationships to begin with -- they are really hard work and very lonely. But, your situation is one where I think it can work -- you've already established a solid relationship in person and he is only leaving for a discrete period of time. That said, if my boyfriend was leaving for a year with no intention of seeing me for almost a year -- when I came to him -- alarm bells would be going off in my head. I get that it's expensive, but he's known for some time that he's going to be leaving. He could've been saving up. There are ways.

 

^^ Please pay attention to all of this. I wish someone would have said these things to me regarding my ex boyfriend.

 

My ex didn't leave the country but he left for school 5 hours away. He did exactly what you guys are doing. We had been together a year at that point and I thought we had a "solid foundation" and it was strong enough for him to go away to school for a year and a half.

 

He talked a big game. How he loved me so much, how he saw everything in his future with me, and that he was in this 100% and he needed to know that I was too, and that we'd get through this and he'd come home and we'd pick right up where we left off.

 

I was ecstatic that he was OK doing a LDR for that length of time, and as it went on it became glaringly clear that I really wasn't a priority at all. First of all, I was the one who made all the trips to see him. He came back home to see me ONCE in 19 months. ONCE.

 

Clia is right. If a guy makes you a priority and wants to see you, he WILL make the effort to see you and come to you. I should have seen that as a glaring red flag, but I made excuses for him. "He's in school." "He's so busy." "He's working so hard on his degree." "He has no time."

 

In the end, despite my best efforts to see him as much as humanly possible (thousands of dollars spent on travel) the relationship crumbled. It's an extremely lonely and hard situation. And we were in the same time zone. It's going to be so much harder than you even realize, and now add in the fact that he has no intention of even seeing you. It's clear where the priority lies with him despite what he's saying. He's perfectly fine picking up, leaving the country and not seeing you for a year.

 

Pay attention to this.

[Drseussgrrl]

I'm kind of in agreement with everyone else here.

 

It's not like he's going off on a military deployment. Does he want to be a French teacher or something?

[melodymatters]

Eh, to me she just sounds like a girl who is very happily in love and still very much in the honeymoon phase. The LDR will either work out or it won't, but since no one knows, I don't see the point in planting a bunch of seeds of doubt.

 

Our happy fulltime relationships could end at anytime through death, no point worrying about it all the time.

 

OP, I trust that if you start to feel that he is putting you on the back burner, you will have enough common sense and self respect to move on yourself. In the meantime, enjoy each day, that's all we have....

[miss_jaclynrae]

It really is exhausting that I am pushed to explain everytime I have something good to talk about.

 

 

I will try to keep it simple because at this point very few people have been very supportive of my relationship, when he is the sweetest, best thing that ever happened to me.

 

 

 

Of ****ing COURSE he would take me, but a lot of you are acting like it isn't THAT big of a deal. The thing is, this IS a huge deal, it is something he has been working on since BEFORE he met me.

Believe it or not, he didn't just come to me months into the relationship and go "Oh yeah, I am leaving for France for a year, BYE! It sucks we didn't meet sooner!"

 

 

No. God no. He told me on our SECOND date about him leaving, and just like with his alcoholism, I had to weight whether or not it was something that I wanted to continue with.

 

 

He is a French Major, planning of being a French Professor, he is in college, he is studying abroad for a year.

What do you all think he should do? Cancel something he has been working towards and been planning for before he met me because we are together? How selfish would that be of ME?! Trust me, if it wasn't for the fact that I can't get a visa, that I have school HERE I want to work on, and that I literally have no means to pay for my way if I was to go... how exactly is he a bad man for saying he had met me sooner?

 

 

 

He said it because if he had, we very well COULD have gotten married so I could go as a dependent, but I am not going to sit here and get upset at him for not marrying me right away or taking me with him. I am not even mad at him for doing it, this has been his plan since he got sober. Getting this education is something that needs to happen now before it is too late, and due to him being sober, he is now able to achieve it.

 

 

For everyone nagging on him for not visiting ONCE, remember, I am in California, he is going to be in France. You think that is a cheap trip? I can only make the trip once, and why would I want him to come here? **** that, I want to go to France! Besides, its not like he is ballin either, he is a student, just like me, we are on a VERY limited budget.

 

I would be going in the middle of our separation, but guess what? We both are students, and our winter break times don't align. You think I like the idea of going a year without seeing the man I love anymore than you guys all do? **** no.

 

The thing is though, I love him, I knew this was all coming, we have been planning for this since we first met, and I am SO proud of him for doing it. I don't care if he can't come visit me, it is as if you all think he is CHOOSING all of this so much easier over me. I have been involved in every step, from all the orientations, to all the visa appointments, every step I have been involved.

 

What he said to me was the sweetest thing, why? Because as of very recently I have been starting to think more and more, that this IS the man I will marry. You know how exciting it is to look at the man you love and think "OMG I want to marry him" and then have him say something that you wish SO badly could have happened? It is exciting, and I came here to share it, but nothing I have to say about him every is approved of.

 

 

It's always "Well he WAS an alcoholic" Or "He is thirty who works at walmart"

or something else attacking him for something I have already come to accept and love about him.

 

It is mean and really hurtful believe it or not. I can't keep sitting here doing this to people who obviously don't care in the slightest, they just want to attack SOMETHING or SOMEBODY.

 

My boyfriend, is an amazing man, and we have huge goals we are working towards, just how I would never forgive him from stopping me from such a trip after I had worked SO hard to make it happen, I would never think to ask that of him. I am fine with the LDR, we are doing this so that a few years from now we can actually build a beautiful life together, and you all can say everything to try to bring me down, but this is the most honest, loyal, intelligent, kind, sweet, compassionate, and supportive man I have ever had the pleasure to be with, and he is my best friend. Plain and simple.

 

Anyone can think that he is an ******* for leaving, but I am glad he is, it's a dream that took a long time to reach... and what type of woman would I be to stand in the way of that?