When will I know I'm over it?

[bitterruin]

Days go by and I don't think about him, or miss him. Sometimes I'll see something that reminds me of him and I'll miss him a little bit then, get a little sad for a few minutes, then move on with my life.

 

I actually heard from a mutual friend that he slept with some other guy. Apparently the sex was bad. I felt some kind of emotion for a second and was confused. I wasn't devastated or anything. I was mostly ashamed of myself because I asked for the information in the first place. And when she told me, I insisted, asking for as much detail as I could get. Once I realized that what I felt was shame with myself for still caring, not heartbreak, I felt better. I broke up with him, why should it matter to me that he's having bad sex with an ugly guy? It really doesn't matter to me. Does it affect me? I don't really know what I feel exactly. There's some emotion there but it has a tinge of indifference.

 

I don't know what this means exactly. I desperately wanna get over him and would like some reassurance that I'm at least halfway there.

[CC12]

I desperately wanna get over him and would like some reassurance that I'm at least halfway there.

 

I think it's at least a step in the right direction that you weren't devastated when you heard that info. I don't know how long you've been broken up, but if you had heard that same thing the day after your breakup, you probably would have been really torn up over it, right? So that looks like progress to me.

 

I think the next step would be to stop wanting to hear about what he's doing, and being either indifferent, or saying to yourself, "Well, good for him. At least he's getting out there." Or "That's too bad he didn't find a good partner." Or even "Welp, sucks for him!" And you've probably learned that it's not a good idea to ask other people about him. Not only is it not good for you, it also puts the other person in an awkward position.

 

Anyway, good luck moving on. You'll get there, eventually.