NotCoping2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 After reading about 100 "how to get over your ex" pages I stumbled on this site, and now I am doing the unthinkable and throwing up my emotions all over the keyboard I just really need to talk to someone but don't want to talk to anyone I know, at least not yet. I feel really embarrassed. I am madly in love with someone I work with. We have had a relationship of sorts for the last 3 or so months, heavily cloaked in secrecy where our colleagues are concerned due to the fact I am her bosses boss... As recently as Sunday she was telling me how much she loves me. Our sex was fantastic, frequent and getting somewhat kinky and adventurous (that really good stage of comfort with each other and exploration, hotttt!), and our cuddles were simply amazing. By Sunday night, a member of her family who has a strong hold on her got in her ear and 'made her realize' how bad it is. All these things I consider to be so trivial when you love someone have been blown up in her mind. She always had a lingering doubt due to the fact she thought she needed to experience life alone for a while before meeting me, and now this family member has tapped in to some of her negative thoughts as well as introducing some new ones, and tipped her over the edge. The hardest part is that she loves me, she isn't over 'me' but is rather making the choice for reasons unrelated to me personally. That is so hard to deal with! If she said she just isn't in to me, well, as much as we all hate rejection I would just have to accept it. But how do you accept someone you love telling you they also love you but they can't be with you for *insert insignificant reason here*? I mean, it is significant to her obviously and I have to try to respect that. But if I believe her reasons are silly and she is throwing away something amazing unnecessarily, do I fight for her? If I do fight for her and we continue on, is it doomed anyways because the reasons will always be there and the hurt will come again, and potentially again and again? Another part I am feeling some confusion over is the fact that not only is my heart being broken, but so is my cock. Sorry that sounds really vulgar. I feel some guilt in relating love and loss to the sexual side of it all, because she is so much more than sex to me, but I really do get very upset when I think about the fact we won't be having any more of those hot dirty and kinky, or sensual and loving intimate moments together. And that at some stage, somebody else will be having them with her. She really looks after her man's sexual needs. She really made me feel like a king when she took care of me sexually. I have taken leave from work as I simply can't be there at the moment, I am suffering from near crippling anxiety. Off to the doctors later to get something to help because my body and brain and going in to melt down and I can't deal with this alone just at the moment. I am seriously considering resigning, which would suck because I have a great job and love the company. Another option is overseas deployment, which I may be able to organize... I know time heals all wounds, I have been here before all be it different circumstances. But that doesn't help me right now. I'm at rock bottom, I miss her like crazy (or at least anticipate missing her since we were last together only 24 hours ago). She wants to catch up tonight as she knows I am not coping well, and she says she is 'confused'. I don't know what to make of that, and I also don't want to be a sad burden. If she truly wants out she isn't obliged to try and heal me, and her kindness will only keep me close and prolong my healing. Head exploding :(
Crushedjustcrushed Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Good lord, don't resign. No chick is worth that. Especially if you have a good job that you like. 2
aisuru Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 The hardest part is that she loves me, she isn't over 'me' but is rather making the choice for reasons unrelated to me personally. That is so hard to deal with! If she said she just isn't in to me, well, as much as we all hate rejection I would just have to accept it. But how do you accept someone you love telling you they also love you but they can't be with you for *insert insignificant reason here*? I mean, it is significant to her obviously and I have to try to respect that. But if I believe her reasons are silly and she is throwing away something amazing unnecessarily, do I fight for her? Here's the thing.. Her reasons are NOT insignificant to HER. And that's what matters. It has everything to do with you. She is not interested in you anymore for whatever reason that does not matter. Friends may be giving her support and encouragement, but I highly doubt she is breaking up with you for insignificant reasons her friends are feeding her. She's just not that in to you anymore, for whatever reason. It no longer matters. She has that right to say no more. There is nothing to fight for here I suspect. Another part I am feeling some confusion over is the fact that not only is my heart being broken, but so is my cock. Sorry that sounds really vulgar. I'm going to bite my tonight and just say this... It sounds vulgar because it is vulgar. You can have mind blowing/kinky sex with somebody else. Trust me on this. (I'm pretty damn kinky myself, but mind blowing/kinky sex is not a reason to stay with somebody.) Your cock and the sexual play you had with her is so not a reason to stay together. In fact, it might have been the reason she pulled away. That's her right and she doesn't have to explain why. End of story. Time for you to know what you want and find it in somebody else who wants the same thing. 1
Author NotCoping2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 How long has she been employed at the company? 4 or so years. And me about 3.
Balzac Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 So she's recently come onto the dating market? You resisted for sometime? You referred to her belief she needed to experience life alone.
Author NotCoping2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Here's the thing.. Her reasons are NOT insignificant to HER. And that's what matters. It has everything to do with you. She is not interested in you anymore for whatever reason that does not matter. Friends may be giving her support and encouragement, but I highly doubt she is breaking up with you for insignificant reasons her friends are feeding her. She's just not that in to you anymore, for whatever reason. It no longer matters. She has that right to say no more. There is nothing to fight for here I suspect. Yeah I completely agree they are significant to her. They are just hard for me to understand when she is also saying she loves me. I mean possibly there are other reasons or she actually doesn't love me. You may be right though and I don't think I have the energy to fight for her and then have it happen again. I'm going to bite my tonight and just say this... It sounds vulgar because it is vulgar. Yeah it didn't read very well. I guess what I am saying is when I think of the sexual side I don't just miss it in a horny want to get laid way, it is a really emotional memory for me and was so much more than sex. Time for you to know what you want and find it in somebody else who wants the same thing. Seems that way. Sure doesn't help the current state of mind though. 1
Author NotCoping2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 So she's recently come onto the dating market? You resisted for sometime? You referred to her belief she needed to experience life alone. She hasn't really ever been single for a significant amount of time.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Get a grip, man. You're her boss' boss. You have a respectable, responsible and enviable position. For goodness' sake, start being a bit business-like and remember who you are. No matter what her reasons, no matter what YOUR opinion of them, the decision is made. You reached your position through being able to do your job properly. Detach. Be dignified and take control of your senses. This really isn't a life-threatening situation. It's an office fling. Personally, I keep telling people contemplating a work-place relationship that it's a really, really REALLY bad idea. And this is why. It's just 3 months out of a 3-year career. Man up, put your big-boy suit on and see this in its correct perspective. 1
Balzac Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Well then it sounds to me as if she too is hooked on the hot sex and very likely this isn't over. Now your dilemma is the rewind. Take things slowly at this point.
Author NotCoping2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Get a grip, man. You're her boss' boss. You have a respectable, responsible and enviable position. For goodness' sake, start being a bit business-like and remember who you are. No matter what her reasons, no matter what YOUR opinion of them, the decision is made. You reached your position through being able to do your job properly. Detach. Be dignified and take control of your senses. This really isn't a life-threatening situation. It's an office fling. Personally, I keep telling people contemplating a work-place relationship that it's a really, really REALLY bad idea. And this is why. It's just 3 months out of a 3-year career. Man up, put your big-boy suit on and see this in its correct perspective. Good advice and the same I would probably give. It is just very fresh so my thoughts are somewhat irrational. An anonymous forum is a good place to spill them (with some tweaking of details just in case!). I agree re workplace relations, I certainly won't be going there again. I am fortunate I could easily move without it impacting negatively on my career, and it is a move I have been thinking about prior anyways. Kind of think it is in my best interest to just put distance between us, for both our sake.
Balzac Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 HaHa the brain chemistry of great sex and passion can sure fog thinking. You're not superhuman. You'll figure out an exit strategy or alternate plan.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 So it was great. so it didn't work out. So face it with a dose of reality. These things happen (sad) but you have to put things into perspective. Don't let your heart do your thinking for you. This may give you great memories in time, but don't let it change your life in any foolish, hasty or irrational way. If you choose to put distance between you - then look upon that as extraordinary luck. Most people who work together and have a fling, don't have the luxury of being able to make that decision, or the privileged position of being able to engineer that. Do whatever you need to do, but do not compromise your position, career or progress for something that actually amounts to an incident. Hiatus? Yes. Love affair to end all love affairs? hardly. 1
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