aliceinthebox Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 (edited) After doing a last Facebook stalk (6 months later of not contacting or looking him up) and finding that my ex is still with the new girl I was a bit upset (hoped she was a rebound), but I realized today on my long drive home that I miss the idea of him and not actually him. Thinking about our three month relationship there were OK moments, but there was never a GREAT moment. Despite this I couldn’t figure out why my chest would get tight when I thought of him with another person and not when I just thought about him in other situations. I attributed this tightness to me loving him very much, but I don’t think that is it. I don’t consider myself as egoistical, but I realized my missing him and wanting him back in my life was because I wanted someone to love me. When he replaced me in a month I was devastated, but the hurt was not just because it made me feel worthless it (most important of all made me feel unloved which I think was what I was most fearful of. After realizing this, the remaining tightness in my chest was released and I think I can finally honestly say I am over him and more importantly I am not worried about being loved because I love myself and I know people who do (even if it’s not in a romantic way). I think this is my last big step. I’m not hoping or waiting for him to come back and I’m 90% sure that if I were to see him again my heart won’t strain itself (I’ve seen him on campus a few times and Boulder is kind of small). I couldn’t completely verbalize why I broke up with him then and I think I’ve finally figured out why. In the back of my mind I was questioning his love for me and when he didn’t chase me and moved on it confirmed that he never really loved me and that was what my mind couldn’t accept! Whether or not he truly loved me doesn’t matter, but why I care so much about being loved. I don’t need to be loved to prove my worth. I know the person I am and I am worth something. Thanks everyone for helping out. I didn’t post very much about my problems, but reading your experiences helped me figure out my own feelings. So thank you. Edited June 17, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
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