Mythos Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Hi, My husband and I have been married for 4 years and together for 8. We have a two year old boy and a 4 week old girl. Last August I left my husband and took my son with me due to the way he treated us. The best to describe it was verbal abuse, but he also made violent threats although luckily never carried them out. After mediation with mutual friends and an agreement for him to get anger management, couples counciling I returned home. This was a really hard decision, but I could see how hard the week apart was on my son and wanted to try again for him. When we fell pregnant with my daughter it was an accident, we had always been careful but slip ups happen. We had always said we wanted a second child although not that soon, but we were both very excited when we found out. As time has passed my husband has not kept up with a single promise. He will shout at me till I break down in tears then call me psychotic and say he will take my son away. Now we have two children he still threatens to take them, or at least my son. He shouts and swears in front of the children and although he is not violent to my son I do question whether or not he is quite gentle enough. Anyway since Christmas things have just got worse and worse and I feel things are the same as last summer if not worse. I want to leave him but don't know how.we both work full time (although I am on maternity leave currently) and I actually make the most money. I have asked him to leave but he refuses too he then just carries on as if we haven't argued. I need to find a way I can force him out of my home as I do not want to leave. I found our home, pay for most things, decorated it, have purchased almost all children's things I.e bed, cot, buggy, clothes etc so I feel I should be allowed to stay in the home with our children. I had a c section with my daughter and my OH done plenty when he was on paternity leave but since returning to work he does nothing. He will not even do a feed of our girl until a Friday night and barely hugs her all week. I have had to do cooking, laundry, washing up, taking me son to bed and getting him up etc even though I am not meant to be lifting heavy things or moving in certain ways as it can damage or prolong healing. I don't know how Much longer I can love like this. As an example of how much help I get, this Friday he looked after our daughter 11pm-2.30am so I could get some sleep, he then played on his Xbox sitting on sofa till 3.30am even though that is where I have slept ever since c section. In the morning he ignored hearing our son wake up and let me go and get him up and sort his breakfast etc. we had then planned to see friends, so I had to pack bags for both kids, lunch, bottles, nappies and so on. He was meant to play pool for a couple hours then meet me to open our children's savings accounts, he didn't meet me, didn't even contact me and did not return back to friends to meet me till 8pm but this point my son was an hour late to bed so I settled him in our friends bed and we all need dinner so I brought pizza. I then expected my husband to help with our daughter but he didn't. He played on his pc and Xbox which he had brought to our friends until 1.30am before taking us all home. This is a perfect example of how little help I get. Please someone tell me how I can leave him or any rights I have. He is very manipulative and can can make people believe its all me and my imagination. He lies to his family about all different things so no one really knows what's goings on.
PECANSWIRL Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 I believe the best way to mend this is first see what you can change about yourself find yourself and where are your strong qualities because before you can remove yourself from this situation or whether you do you must be become stronger to recognize what is not good for you are for your children if you do not this will become a repeat offense..sometimes as women we are emotional i can be the same way so therefore we grow a co-dependency and get stuck in the same situation and accept because we are afraid of change. But you must start preparing change with you first then talk to your partner and see what changes can you both make maybe some couples counseling if he not willing you should consider doing it without him, and then rt making steps on getting out of the home with your children because they deserve a safe place to be in with love. as a reminder never worry about what is said behind your back are what he tells everyone else be yourself and stay committed to being a good parent and that will show he cannot rob you or anyone of the the truth it always shines through...i hope this helps you some.
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