iceisles Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 I thought it would be helpful to assemble a list of tell-tale signs/red-flags that may suggest that your ex is keeping you "on a string." Nobody likes to feel like they are being kept around as a second or third-choice, and it would be great to differentiate genuine care and concern from other, less desirable motives. I will start the list with: Your ex frequently calls to use you as a shoulder to cry on for her problems, with little or no concern for your own.
Adunaphel Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Your ex is directly telling you that he(she) is interested in another person more than he(she) is in you.
Author iceisles Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Your ex only calls when it's convenient for her - even when you express a certain time would be better.
YellowLioness Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 They call to tell you the problems they're having with someone that they have a crush on.
Adunaphel Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 You live in two different towns and you start to have the feeling that she keeps you around to have some place to sleep at if she needs to spend the night in your town. Also, she tells you not to spend money on her X-mas/bday present.
atty Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Your on a string whenever someone asks you for "Time" or "space"...IMHO, that is all a load of crap!
Author iceisles Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Originally posted by atty Your on a string whenever someone asks you for "Time" or "space"...IMHO, that is all a load of crap! I would say that's true well over half of the time - perhaps even 80% of the time. If your ex does ask for "time" or "space", it's not an automatic red flag but pretty close.
Author iceisles Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Your ex doesn't respond to your e-mails but gets irritated when you don't respond to hers.
savethedrama4allama Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 At the request of my boyfriend, I'm putting in some from his personal experience: Your ex only wants to spend time together when she wants something from YOU like help studying or a ride home from a party. She tells you at length about her new flames but doesn't act interested in hearing about yours. She calls you ranting and raving about what is wrong in her life without asking how you're doing.
Author iceisles Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama She calls you ranting and raving about what is wrong in her life without asking how you're doing. Yep, got that one last night. I am seeing so many red flags, I think I am in Pamplona`.
Weird Posted October 12, 2004 Posted October 12, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles Yep, got that one last night. I am seeing so many red flags, I think I am in Pamplona`. hahahaha awesome line. I second the one about the ex getting pissy if you don't reply to their emails or calls but they don't do the same for you...and they get upset if you make a comment about how they act one way but expect you to act another.
Author iceisles Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Originally posted by Weird hahahaha awesome line. I second the one about the ex getting pissy if you don't reply to their emails or calls but they don't do the same for you...and they get upset if you make a comment about how they act one way but expect you to act another. Definitely. She says she likes when I write her but doesn't bother hitting the "reply" button. Yeah, I guess that empty inbox won't make her feel so powerful now.
Author iceisles Posted October 12, 2004 Author Posted October 12, 2004 Next entry (man, there sure are a lot): Even after he/she dumped you, they act like nothing ever happened.
crazydawg Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 when they say they are confused, and don't know what they want, yet still dating another person
Author iceisles Posted October 13, 2004 Author Posted October 13, 2004 When they say they have no one else to talk to but actually have several close friends.
Weird Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 Originally posted by iceisles Next entry (man, there sure are a lot): Even after he/she dumped you, they act like nothing ever happened. haha yep. that one seems common among people.
GlamourGal Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 they tell you about the last random person they slept with but get mad when you talk about your BOYFRIEND. They put you down and tell you that you aren't doing anything with your life; because your'e happy living in a cornfield in Northwest Ohio.
Author iceisles Posted October 13, 2004 Author Posted October 13, 2004 They say things such as, "you weren't like that" or other snide comments when you do come up in the conversation.
velocity635 Posted October 13, 2004 Posted October 13, 2004 she stops dressing up and looking good for you and stops asking you to join her with get togethers with her friends.
seductress989 Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 Your Ex is Stringing You Along If: * they say things like, "I still want you in my life" but they will not get back with you. * they come to see you in another town just to spend the night w/you for a booty call * you are just a once-a-week or weekends only booty call * they lie to you about seeing someone else just so they can see you AND that other person * they call you just to fufill THEIR needs and not yours Hope this helps someone. Everyone keep posting on this.
pinenuts Posted October 14, 2004 Posted October 14, 2004 I am amazed and pissed off at the same time,amazed by how we capture those strings, so accuretely. Pissed off cause no need to say more here, Exs aren't the prettiest creature out there. But the bigger and greater question here being what made them behave the way they do? who encouraged them along the way?why we let them step all over us like this? sometime you need a sharp knife to end a sharp pain. If they chose not to live up to their values or never had any to bloody begain with. well,no need for us to stay in agony...
Mollyanna Posted October 17, 2004 Posted October 17, 2004 Gee, since I have been strung along for 10 months now, I can certainly add to this now: (Hindsight is 20/20 after all..) You are being strung along if: 1. you never have set plans. you ask him to go somewhere a week in advance and he can only say "maybe" because he doesn't know what his plans will be. So you sit and wait for him to call you everytime. 2. After months of dating you have no idea where you stand because he can't make up his mind what he wants. 3. He wants you around but stops doing all the little things he used to do to show you how much he cared for you. 4. You find yourself exhausted trying to be perfect. You feel like you have to ALWAYS be funny and witty and beautiful and say all the right things and be the sweestest person he has ever known or he might leave (because he has been teetering over that edge for months now...)
chicothechimp Posted October 17, 2004 Posted October 17, 2004 A lot of these are what I have been getting since my GF broke up 6 weeks ago... she won't even talk about getting back together... she has pretty much isolated herself from most of humanity... she has convinced herself that she can fix all her internal/emotional issues on her own by shutting everyone out (*that just seems so naive and foolish to me)... yeeeeeeeeeet, she also still calls once a week... will email me only once a week usually (and take her sweet time doing so)... would see me once a week... She lets me hold her hand or rub her back or rub her tummy but NO KISSES at all (*"too intimate" she would say... and rubbing your bare belly is what?)... she has smacked my ass a couple of times and commented that I look very good and handsome and in great shape (*I have been working out)... but then she withdraws into an emotional cave and doesn't want to discuss why she actually broke up other than saying "I need time" or "I needed to do this and I still believe that"... I swear that a different person must have lived in her body for 2 years while I was going out with her... this BS makes no sense... she admitted being "angry" with me... but then wouldn't fill in the details... I must say that the other night she was the warmest yet... but is this a temporary episode of dementia/depressive illness on her part... or what is going on? ... my life is moving ahead... she simply refuses to talk about it for the most part... the irony is that last weekend she said that she wants to get together and "have fun" and doesn't want to have heavy conversations "all the time"... to which I said "but how am I supposed to enjoy your company with our old sense of fun/abandon when you won't discuss why you ended a relationship in which we pledged love, devotion and commitmenT?"... go figure, eh? Chico the Chimp
Green_and_White Posted October 17, 2004 Posted October 17, 2004 Chico, Same thing with me. My gf ended the best relationship any of us had (2 years almost) ever been in because she doesnt want to have a bf now. Won't talk about what went wrong, promises me that she will call me and never does. Promises that we will hangout this weekend when we both went back to our homecoming at college, never calls. My sister and her made plans to see each other this weekend and doesnt answer her fun when she calls. 3 weeks ago she says she still loves me. Its the dumbest thing I've ever heard of. We havent seen each other in 5 weeks but she said when we broke up I couldnt imagine you not in my life and we'll get through this. How am I in her life? No clue. You got it a little better gith now because you can atleast see if she is being genuine about her feelings.
chicothechimp Posted October 17, 2004 Posted October 17, 2004 talking with her until this past week... we had a great evening together... and then I let her know I need 2 months of no email, Messenger or phone calls... if she really needs time/space then I want to give her ( and me) time to do what she says she needs to do... I also want some distance to get on with life... a tremendous amount of trust has dissolved between us the past 6 weeks... I told her so, too... she said that she would be there, that she was commited, blah, blah, blah... well, the saying is true "ACTION WALKS THE WALK... BULL$HIT TALKS THE TALK"... I still believe in her... but if she seriously doesn't act more mature/responsible then I know that this is not what I want to spend my life doing... perhaps others are asking "how could I have been so clued out".... "what have I done to deserve this rejection/betrayal/abaondonment?"... "why won't they simply talk about things like adults should?"... Everyone has their funk to work through... some of it takes longer than other funk to work through... but it doesn't mean acting like a space alien and completely trying to change who you are or who you want people to think you are in one day.
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