Author MobileMan626 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Thank You everyone for your help. This is extremely hard for me right now. UGH. I just can't get over her sleeping with someone else. When supposedly i was "the best" and what not. God i'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight.
orionboxing Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 Thank You everyone for your help. This is extremely hard for me right now. UGH. I just can't get over her sleeping with someone else. When supposedly i was "the best" and what not. God i'm going to cry myself to sleep tonight. I have been exactly where you have been. With TWO girls in my lifetime saying some very similar things to me. It is quite possibly the worst pain I have ever been through. I cried so hard I almost puked in the weeks following those breakups. I lost a ton of weight, could not eat, could not sleep. Don't contact her...NEVER show that what she said hurt you. Never, ever reveal your pain to this woman. Don't even text, write emails, call, etc. I will tell you this, YOU WILL get to the point where you don't care anymore. I didn't believe it myself, and I had almost suicidal thoughts. But now, with one of those exes, I literally laugh at her when I see her now and say to myself "what was I thinking? why was I even into this chick?" Don't worry about the other guy - he has no idea the problems she will cause him in the future. Just think of all the crap she put you through...he's about to be inflicted in the same way. One thing that really helped me was dating multiple women after I got the bad news. I suggest you go to sosuave.net and start reading on how to present yourself better to the opposite sex. Another thing was having one woman, while on a date, say to me "You are really handsome...I love looking at you." You have no idea what that did for me after my exes made me feel so inferior. I felt unstoppable. It took me roughly three months to get over it. These months fly by when you start getting busy working out, dating, and being with friends. I also believe in Karma...and that your ex will probably have something pretty terrible happen to her. People who pull that crap on others really deserve any hardships thrown their direction. Face it, your ex was a loser. A complete waste of air. You will find someone smarter, nicer, and better for you.
TaraMaiden Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 You just need to cut out contact with her 100% do what I told you about the box stuff..then start your search for someone better. I believe I told you this in your very first thread. I'm sorry you didn't listen then, and I expect, judging form this thread, you are sorry too. Remember - the person who cares the least, controls the most, and right now she's dancing a jig round your spine and cojones. Grab them back, because right now, you're gonna need them, big time. Read the NC Guide in my signature. And then read it again, and again, and again. Then read the remainder of the thread. And keep posting here for support - but remember one thing: YOU - have to move on. We can provide you with all the counsel, advice , support and help you will ever, ever need - but you have to walk, and follow it for yourself. Then, you will be fine. You WILL be fine. But share - and shift it.
Author MobileMan626 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 I believe I told you this in your very first thread. I'm sorry you didn't listen then, and I expect, judging form this thread, you are sorry too. Remember - the person who cares the least, controls the most, and right now she's dancing a jig round your spine and cojones. Grab them back, because right now, you're gonna need them, big time. Read the NC Guide in my signature. And then read it again, and again, and again. Then read the remainder of the thread. And keep posting here for support - but remember one thing: YOU - have to move on. We can provide you with all the counsel, advice , support and help you will ever, ever need - but you have to walk, and follow it for yourself. Then, you will be fine. You WILL be fine. But share - and shift it. Well i woke up this morning with a new mind state. Of not giving an F. Why should i let her still have control ? Why should i still give her power when she obviously wants nothing to do with me ? FOR CHRIST SAKES SHES SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE ELSE ALREADY ! This morning i sent her the last email i will ever send. The last contact i will ever send. EVER. I basically laid all my feelings on the table. Not emotional needy ones but my anger. How much i hated and despised her & how much i didn't care about her anymore. I really digged deep and let out all my negative feelings. That is the only way i was truly able to start getting over this is by hating her. I know eventually i'll feel indifferent but for now the thought of her disgusts me. Now i will go into NO CONTACT. Indefinitely Thanks for all the advice. I will get through this. I will find true love I will not feel sorry for myself ! 1
tinker683 Posted June 17, 2013 Posted June 17, 2013 So i know the other day i made this post about my Ex but i was very stubborn about taking your tough love advice. Welp Today is the worst day of my life. I don't feel like i deserve to exist on this planet. I know it sounds pathetic but i'm so lost. I confessed to my Ex about how i feel and got a unpleasent suprise. All those "signs" i thought she was giving me was just her way of being friendly. She only wanted to make sure i was ok. She does not want a relationship, she wants nothing to do with me in a romantic way. Those are her words. She told me she is dating and sleeping with other men. OMG that hurt so bad because i've been holding myself for her( Not like i have women lined up but ya) She only wanted a friendship that's it and that's all. She told me after what i put her through there's no way shed give me another chance. She said she's been over me for a while now. GOD i feel so dumb and weak. I hate myself for thinking she still loved me. Oh ya and she said " I don't Love you anymore" You have no idea how much that hurt. As i sat on the phone i realized i've truly lost her forever. I don't know what to do. I love her so much but it's to late now. What do i do ? How do i stay strong ? Why would she do this to me ? (I'm balling in tears as i write this) I feel like i'm a horrible person and will never meet anyone. I feel like i'm a failure. Also i could tell she was with someone while we were talking on the phone. I could hear someone laughing in the background ( Maybe her new boo) God i know i sounded so pathetic, Trying to reason with her. Hey man, I know how you feel. You wonder what happened, if you did something to bring about this whole cause of effect chain on to yourself. You feel like it won't ever be the same. But it will. Step One: The first thing you need to do is cut her out of your life completely: All photos, movies, momentos, whatever - get rid of them all (or sell them if you can, make something from this whole tragedy). There presence will you keep reminding you of her and it's better to get rid of them. Step two: The second thing you need to do is take a few deep breaths, have a look around, and take in the silence. It's over. It sucks that its over, but thats the bitter truth. She may have had a thousand different reasons for doing what she did, there may have been a thousand things you could have potentially done. But none of that matters now. It's over. But you know what? That's ok that it's over. It's not the end of the world, your life isn't going to end, your future is still ahead of you. Yes life is going to suck for a while. You're going to be assaulted by emotions you can't begin to deal with. You're going to cry, you're going to scream, you're going to want to smash stuff, you're going to want to do a lot of things....and that's ok. It's OK because that's what's supposed to happen. The fact that it hurts means you're alive, it means you're a human being with feelings, which is more than we can say for some of the parasites that robbed and leeched lives away from us. Don't hide from those feelings. Let them out, no matter how irrational. Let them out safely and preferably alone or with a trusted friend....but let them out. Once you've yelled, kicked and screamed, once you've acknowledged the silence...then you move onto step three Step Three: Work on yourself. As much as we'd rather it not, the earth will keep turning, the sun keep doing it's thing, and time will continue it's march. You're alone again and it hurts like hell, but now you have the opportunity to start anew. This is a time for reflection, for examining your own flaws, deciding what to do about it, and then acting on it. The acting on it is the important part because it's the acting on it that really counts. Anyone can sit around and make plans but a truly strong person has the will to actually get up and do it. If you feel you can't do this alone, then get help. From your family, friends, or a therapist, it doesn't matter. You don't have to do this journey alone. Judging from your post, you sound like you have self esteem issues (don't we all at this point?) and you need to work on that. Step Four: Realize that you're going to be dealing with this for a long time and give yourself a break. Being that we've already established that you are indeed a human being with feelings, this is going to stick. You sound like she meant a great deal to you, so she's going to float in and out of your mind for a long time...possibily even the rest of your life, although your feelings about her will change. I still think about my first love, who I broke up with 10 years ago. I still care about her, I still talk to her, and I still think about her from time to time...but there's no emotion behind it anymore. It doesn't burden me anymore. So it will be with her as well. It will take time though, and make sure you realize that you're not on anyone's schedule. You will get over it when you get over it. If you ever feel it's taking too long or it's too much, talk to a professional, they can help you through it. It's the long road we all have to take...but it's doable. I've done it before so I know I can do it again. And I'm sure you can too 3
Author MobileMan626 Posted June 17, 2013 Author Posted June 17, 2013 Hey man, I know how you feel. You wonder what happened, if you did something to bring about this whole cause of effect chain on to yourself. You feel like it won't ever be the same. But it will. Step One: The first thing you need to do is cut her out of your life completely: All photos, movies, momentos, whatever - get rid of them all (or sell them if you can, make something from this whole tragedy). There presence will you keep reminding you of her and it's better to get rid of them. Step two: The second thing you need to do is take a few deep breaths, have a look around, and take in the silence. It's over. It sucks that its over, but thats the bitter truth. She may have had a thousand different reasons for doing what she did, there may have been a thousand things you could have potentially done. But none of that matters now. It's over. But you know what? That's ok that it's over. It's not the end of the world, your life isn't going to end, your future is still ahead of you. Yes life is going to suck for a while. You're going to be assaulted by emotions you can't begin to deal with. You're going to cry, you're going to scream, you're going to want to smash stuff, you're going to want to do a lot of things....and that's ok. It's OK because that's what's supposed to happen. The fact that it hurts means you're alive, it means you're a human being with feelings, which is more than we can say for some of the parasites that robbed and leeched lives away from us. Don't hide from those feelings. Let them out, no matter how irrational. Let them out safely and preferably alone or with a trusted friend....but let them out. Once you've yelled, kicked and screamed, once you've acknowledged the silence...then you move onto step three Step Three: Work on yourself. As much as we'd rather it not, the earth will keep turning, the sun keep doing it's thing, and time will continue it's march. You're alone again and it hurts like hell, but now you have the opportunity to start anew. This is a time for reflection, for examining your own flaws, deciding what to do about it, and then acting on it. The acting on it is the important part because it's the acting on it that really counts. Anyone can sit around and make plans but a truly strong person has the will to actually get up and do it. If you feel you can't do this alone, then get help. From your family, friends, or a therapist, it doesn't matter. You don't have to do this journey alone. Judging from your post, you sound like you have self esteem issues (don't we all at this point?) and you need to work on that. Step Four: Realize that you're going to be dealing with this for a long time and give yourself a break. Being that we've already established that you are indeed a human being with feelings, this is going to stick. You sound like she meant a great deal to you, so she's going to float in and out of your mind for a long time...possibily even the rest of your life, although your feelings about her will change. I still think about my first love, who I broke up with 10 years ago. I still care about her, I still talk to her, and I still think about her from time to time...but there's no emotion behind it anymore. It doesn't burden me anymore. So it will be with her as well. It will take time though, and make sure you realize that you're not on anyone's schedule. You will get over it when you get over it. If you ever feel it's taking too long or it's too much, talk to a professional, they can help you through it. It's the long road we all have to take...but it's doable. I've done it before so I know I can do it again. And I'm sure you can too Thank You for your words. I appreciate your help and advice. I will definitely take this and run with it as i move on into the next chapter in my life. It used to be really hard for me to accept all of this but now i feel like i have to force myself to or i'll never get better. You know the funny this is i've done what you suggested before but have somehow fell back into the trap of communicating with her again and it all just goes sour. One thing i haven't done is really try to get out there ad better myself. Boost my confidence and live my life to the fullest. I have kind of been putting alot of things on hold emotionally. Even thought things have been happening, i could never really enjoy them because i was so focused on my ex. Well that changes today. I changed my number, changed my email, i'm moving soon. In the email i told her i never want to see her or talk to her again and you know what as of now i truly mean that. I have to pick myself and my balls up off the ground and get it together. I'm a decent guy but all this BS has made me into someone i never wanted to be. A weak , emotionally charged, borderline bipolar Man. It's time to let the happiness back in my life because i know for damn sure my ex isn't loosing sleep over me.
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